My FIL isn't a bad person but he's a terrible houseguest. He'll drink all but a sip of about 4 different drinks and put the glasses in the fridge, so an entire shelf is taken up by the dregs of his beverages. Everyone will be cleaning up after a meal and he will just sit there, oblivious and staring into space, while we all bustle around him cleaning up, literally taking the empty plate from right under his nose etc, and never offers to help.

He's large and not super mobile so while I appreciate him making more of an effort with the kids than he used to, he was literally dangling my one year old upside down by one leg because DS had tried to climb off FIL and FIL was too big and unwieldy to lift him down correctly. He has this revolting back scratcher that he carries with him everywhere and the other day I caught 3 year old DS LICKING it! OMG I'm nauseated thinking about it.

He showers MAYBE once a week, yet somehow doesn't smell. Haven't figured that one out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make a macaroni and cheese that ppl in my family love, MIL included. She asked me if I would make it for thanksgiving dinner. I said ok. Asked her if I could make it at her house and she agreed, and even offered to get the groceries needed for it. Dh and I get over to her house, she tells me that "the groceries are over on the counter, but the mixing bowls, casserole dish etc are dirty and You should wash them."

I found this incredibly rude. I'm Not your maid!

Op here: does it change your mind at all to know that she didnt cook anything for thanksgiving? She ordered in. So when I walked in, she was sitting on the couch, watching tv. She wasn't then nor did she at all slave over a stove for any part of the meal.

Oh yes, that makes a huge difference in your story. My MIL cooked several dishes for over a dozen people so I helped with some of the washing. But if she had ordered all the food I would not do the dishes that were previously dirty.

Anonymous wrote:MIL did the dishes, which was very nice of her. However I went to put everything away before I went to bed and had to wash half of it again because it wasn't clean

Mine, too. Visible food on plates. She takes a rag she found under the sink and uses it for the table, plates, and then my baby's hands. I am constantly dreaming up new ways to get her to "relax" and "let me do it."

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a hotel or AirBNB. Or better yet, stay home. If MIL asks, say "Well you complained so much about everything we decided to do you a favor."

This. But I'm not a fan of sucking it up and pretending it's all my fault. Let MIL know she is driving you away with her rudeness.

Anonymous wrote:DH told his mom that it would be best if she stayed in a hotel during her time here at Christmas (long history there) and, among other things in her rant-ish reply, she accused us of trying to "kennel her like a dog."

NP here. I've been reading the whole thread and this one finally cracked me up.i can just imagine a cranky older lady pouting about the consequences of her own behavior. (Something my sister might do actually)

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make a macaroni and cheese that ppl in my family love, MIL included. She asked me if I would make it for thanksgiving dinner. I said ok. Asked her if I could make it at her house and she agreed, and even offered to get the groceries needed for it. Dh and I get over to her house, she tells me that "the groceries are over on the counter, but the mixing bowls, casserole dish etc are dirty and You should wash them."

I found this incredibly rude. I'm Not your maid!

Good Gravy, I can see my mom saying this to me, it's family big deal.
People are so sensitive about stupid stuff.

+1 This is something that happens all the time at my mother or MIL's house. If she just cooked a meal for a dozen people I would feel bad not helping with the dishes. What pisses me off is when my husband doesn't help out. Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you can't help in the kitchen.

It's far more appropriate to ask your own child to clean/do something rather than your daughter in law.

Oh come on! If you've been married for a few years it's perfectly acceptable for your MIL to ask that. It's a lot of work to cook a meal for everyone, it's no big deal if you have to clean up the bowls before cooking.

Yep.

+1 Keep in mind your MIL is in the middle of cooking everything else for Thanksgiving. I hosted (not a MIL, but a DIL) and I was so grateful for people who helped wash and cook. I probably ordered a few people to do this.

Now if you had come in to cook the whole meal and your MIL had saved up her dirty dishes for you to do before you got started, I'd have another impression entirely. But I am really shocked at the ingrate responses to washing a mixing bowl or two that your MIL, who will be wining and dining you, had just used.

Op here: does it change your mind at all to know that she didnt cook anything for thanksgiving? She ordered in. So when I walked in, she was sitting on the couch, watching tv. She wasn't then nor did she at all slave over a stove for any part of the meal.

PP here. Yes, ok now it totally does. Yuk! That falls under the definition of "she saved up her dirty dishes for you."

Oh and even worse, what kind of loser orders Thanksgiving "in" except makes you make a dish from scratch? Your MIL does indeed suck. Sorry OP. I'll keep my concerns about having to eat my MIL's weeks in advance frozen sides (note to MIL: cream does not freeze and defrost properly) to myself then

Next time I'd say you should order the mac and cheese, too.

Haha my MIL did this too. It also didn't work. However, I have no rants; she is awesome. I am lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make a macaroni and cheese that ppl in my family love, MIL included. She asked me if I would make it for thanksgiving dinner. I said ok. Asked her if I could make it at her house and she agreed, and even offered to get the groceries needed for it. Dh and I get over to her house, she tells me that "the groceries are over on the counter, but the mixing bowls, casserole dish etc are dirty and You should wash them."

I found this incredibly rude. I'm Not your maid!

Good Gravy, I can see my mom saying this to me, it's family big deal.
People are so sensitive about stupid stuff.

+1 This is something that happens all the time at my mother or MIL's house. If she just cooked a meal for a dozen people I would feel bad not helping with the dishes. What pisses me off is when my husband doesn't help out. Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you can't help in the kitchen.

It's far more appropriate to ask your own child to clean/do something rather than your daughter in law.

Oh come on! If you've been married for a few years it's perfectly acceptable for your MIL to ask that. It's a lot of work to cook a meal for everyone, it's no big deal if you have to clean up the bowls before cooking.

Completely agree. Anyone who would be offended by this is fucking nuts.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make a macaroni and cheese that ppl in my family love, MIL included. She asked me if I would make it for thanksgiving dinner. I said ok. Asked her if I could make it at her house and she agreed, and even offered to get the groceries needed for it. Dh and I get over to her house, she tells me that "the groceries are over on the counter, but the mixing bowls, casserole dish etc are dirty and You should wash them."

I found this incredibly rude. I'm Not your maid!

Good Gravy, I can see my mom saying this to me, it's family big deal.
People are so sensitive about stupid stuff.

+1 This is something that happens all the time at my mother or MIL's house. If she just cooked a meal for a dozen people I would feel bad not helping with the dishes. What pisses me off is when my husband doesn't help out. Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you can't help in the kitchen.

It's far more appropriate to ask your own child to clean/do something rather than your daughter in law.

Oh come on! If you've been married for a few years it's perfectly acceptable for your MIL to ask that. It's a lot of work to cook a meal for everyone, it's no big deal if you have to clean up the bowls before cooking.

Yep.

+1 Keep in mind your MIL is in the middle of cooking everything else for Thanksgiving. I hosted (not a MIL, but a DIL) and I was so grateful for people who helped wash and cook. I probably ordered a few people to do this.

Now if you had come in to cook the whole meal and your MIL had saved up her dirty dishes for you to do before you got started, I'd have another impression entirely. But I am really shocked at the ingrate responses to washing a mixing bowl or two that your MIL, who will be wining and dining you, had just used.

Op here: does it change your mind at all to know that she didnt cook anything for thanksgiving? She ordered in. So when I walked in, she was sitting on the couch, watching tv. She wasn't then nor did she at all slave over a stove for any part of the meal.

PP here. Yes, ok now it totally does. Yuk! That falls under the definition of "she saved up her dirty dishes for you."

Oh and even worse, what kind of loser orders Thanksgiving "in" except makes you make a dish from scratch? Your MIL does indeed suck. Sorry OP. I'll keep my concerns about having to eat my MIL's weeks in advance frozen sides (note to MIL: cream does not freeze and defrost properly) to myself then

Next time I'd say you should order the mac and cheese, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make a macaroni and cheese that ppl in my family love, MIL included. She asked me if I would make it for thanksgiving dinner. I said ok. Asked her if I could make it at her house and she agreed, and even offered to get the groceries needed for it. Dh and I get over to her house, she tells me that "the groceries are over on the counter, but the mixing bowls, casserole dish etc are dirty and You should wash them."

I found this incredibly rude. I'm Not your maid!

Good Gravy, I can see my mom saying this to me, it's family big deal.
People are so sensitive about stupid stuff.

+1 This is something that happens all the time at my mother or MIL's house. If she just cooked a meal for a dozen people I would feel bad not helping with the dishes. What pisses me off is when my husband doesn't help out. Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you can't help in the kitchen.

It's far more appropriate to ask your own child to clean/do something rather than your daughter in law.

Oh come on! If you've been married for a few years it's perfectly acceptable for your MIL to ask that. It's a lot of work to cook a meal for everyone, it's no big deal if you have to clean up the bowls before cooking.

Yep.

+1 Keep in mind your MIL is in the middle of cooking everything else for Thanksgiving. I hosted (not a MIL, but a DIL) and I was so grateful for people who helped wash and cook. I probably ordered a few people to do this.

Now if you had come in to cook the whole meal and your MIL had saved up her dirty dishes for you to do before you got started, I'd have another impression entirely. But I am really shocked at the ingrate responses to washing a mixing bowl or two that your MIL, who will be wining and dining you, had just used.

Op here: does it change your mind at all to know that she didnt cook anything for thanksgiving? She ordered in. So when I walked in, she was sitting on the couch, watching tv. She wasn't then nor did she at all slave over a stove for any part of the meal.

Anonymous wrote:Here is mine...First, we drove up to our destination before the storm...took us 6 hours to go 120 miles. Our plan was to stay with my FIL (wife father); he calls DW when we are near the Delaware line (5.5 hours into the trip) and tells us he decided to go to FL before the holiday to miss the snow...he took the auto train down...did not tell us....We were shocked...but he had at least arranged another place for us to stay: my DW's aunt.

That is insane.

Here is mine...First, we drove up to our destination before the storm...took us 6 hours to go 120 miles. Our plan was to stay with my FIL (wife father); he calls DW when we are near the Delaware line (5.5 hours into the trip) and tells us he decided to go to FL before the holiday to miss the snow...he took the auto train down...did not tell us....We were shocked...but he had at least arranged another place for us to stay: my DW's aunt.

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with two kids and a combined 75k income. Your I laws clearly have different priorities than you do and can't understand your life choices. As insane as you think they are, that's how insane they think you are. Quit trying.

Oh, I know their life choices are different. And I wish I could make that much and go to Australia for two weeks! But I also don't lie to other family members about whether I include/invite others, nor do I think my choices are better than theirs. They blatantly lied to MIL about how we never invite them over and how we flake on them constantly. Hence the guilt trip from MIL. I have stopped trying and I don't bother inviting them if their no-show will make a difference. They are still invited to things like birthday parties, casual get togethers, etc.

And there were other nasty things said behind our backs last year too. It'll be a much nicer trip this year without them! (And fwiw, our income is temporary while I finish school. It'll never be what they make, but we don't lack for anything)

Good luck with two kids and a combined 75k income. Your I laws clearly have different priorities than you do and can't understand your life choices. As insane as you think they are, that's how insane they think you are. Quit trying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH told his mom that it would be best if she stayed in a hotel during her time here at Christmas (long history there) and, among other things in her rant-ish reply, she accused us of trying to "kennel her like a dog."

HAHAHA, sorry PP but I have to laugh at this one. If my MIL wasn't local, I could totally hear her saying the same thing.

She one time offered to help us clean an old house after we moved out. When we took her up on her offer she accused us of treating her like our maid. Uh, what? I did it myself, 30 weeks pregnant. Thanks for the offer MIL!

PP here - my MIL does the same thing, but at least after she helps! She regularly insists on helping, then complains after the fact that we are taking advantage of her and/or uses it as an attempted go-out-of-jail pass for her other atrocious behavior.

OMG that is my mom, to a T. And you can't call her on any of the bad stuff b/c then she yells at you for being ungrateful for everything she does, that I NEVER ASKED FOR.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH told his mom that it would be best if she stayed in a hotel during her time here at Christmas (long history there) and, among other things in her rant-ish reply, she accused us of trying to "kennel her like a dog."

HAHAHA, sorry PP but I have to laugh at this one. If my MIL wasn't local, I could totally hear her saying the same thing.

She one time offered to help us clean an old house after we moved out. When we took her up on her offer she accused us of treating her like our maid. Uh, what? I did it myself, 30 weeks pregnant. Thanks for the offer MIL!

PP here - my MIL does the same thing, but at least after she helps! She regularly insists on helping, then complains after the fact that we are taking advantage of her and/or uses it as an attempted go-out-of-jail pass for her other atrocious behavior.