Anonymous
Post 11/22/2014 08:14     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sidwell seems to have a few kids like yours, OP, and no one (kids or parents) seems to mind in the least. I'm not sure where some of the posters here get off wondering if your child is really autistic or saying some parents will keep their kids away. I'm not saying that that might not be the case, but I certainly don't think when people post on this site they should be prepared to get snarked at just for asking a question or contributing.

My son has ADD and is a senior at SFS this year (there are quite a few boys in this class with this issue so I am not afraid of outing him with this post!) There is a girl in his class who he says has been very vocal about having severe autism when she was young (I guess she went silent for a few years) and has stood up in Quaker meeting to talk about it and even wrote a few pieces in the school paper. She is extremely well liked, and when she had a birthday party a few years back, my son and virtually the entire class of 125 kids minus a handful away for the summer went. I know that my son says she's very smart from the few classes they had taken together so I don't know if that's why Sidwell didn't think her issues would interfere. But he also says she isn't a party kid as much as a lot of his friends in the class and is in the library a lot, so maybe she suffers from some of the same shyness as your child. Anyway, I would give Sidwell a shot. My son did receive a little help with organization his first few years (really didn't amount to much help so he stopped) but he gets extra time for testing which has helped, and Sidwell has been great about that. Good luck!


That's great to hear that Sidwell took a chance on this girl. I wonder how much the parents told them at admissions.

But I'm stuck on the idea that the girl -- or anyone -- had a birthday party for 125 kids. Is that common at Sidwell?



My guess is that she comes from a connected family and the school is hoping that they will continue to be donors. Sidwell is not a compassionate place normally, so something has to be in it for them.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2014 08:11     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sidwell seems to have a few kids like yours, OP, and no one (kids or parents) seems to mind in the least. I'm not sure where some of the posters here get off wondering if your child is really autistic or saying some parents will keep their kids away. I'm not saying that that might not be the case, but I certainly don't think when people post on this site they should be prepared to get snarked at just for asking a question or contributing.

My son has ADD and is a senior at SFS this year (there are quite a few boys in this class with this issue so I am not afraid of outing him with this post!) There is a girl in his class who he says has been very vocal about having severe autism when she was young (I guess she went silent for a few years) and has stood up in Quaker meeting to talk about it and even wrote a few pieces in the school paper. She is extremely well liked, and when she had a birthday party a few years back, my son and virtually the entire class of 125 kids minus a handful away for the summer went. I know that my son says she's very smart from the few classes they had taken together so I don't know if that's why Sidwell didn't think her issues would interfere. But he also says she isn't a party kid as much as a lot of his friends in the class and is in the library a lot, so maybe she suffers from some of the same shyness as your child. Anyway, I would give Sidwell a shot. My son did receive a little help with organization his first few years (really didn't amount to much help so he stopped) but he gets extra time for testing which has helped, and Sidwell has been great about that. Good luck!


That's great to hear that Sidwell took a chance on this girl. I wonder how much the parents told them at admissions.

But I'm stuck on the idea that the girl -- or anyone -- had a birthday party for 125 kids. Is that common at Sidwell?



Yes. I am the mother/PP of the senior boy mentioned above. Almost every kid in his class that had a 16th birthday party (quite a few did) invited the entire class, and most were held at private venues. But this class is unique I think. Every year there are all class parties for Halloween or all-class after parties for dances like this year's Homecoming. It's always the same kids hosting the after parties that invite everyone - the parents turn the other way, and frankly I think they are nuts. Sidwell is the opposite of the Helicopter parent type of environment! My other child who graduated from Sidwell a few years back was part of a class always fighting with each other, and I don't remember many all-inclusive parties!

I'm not sure how much the girl's parents told the school, but she also received some organizational help her first year like my son, so they obviously knew she had some issues. I know that she doesn't get extra time for tests like my son does - there's a pretty small group for that. But the school has been pretty laid back about kids who need extra time. Sidwell is not a S/N school by any stretch, but if I even had to pose the question that the OP did, I would think there's more concern there than is coming across.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2014 18:07     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:Be prepared to fight the parents every day. They are awful. They won't want anyone 'out of the norm' around their children. They can't deal with challenges--and certainly don't want their children exposed to kids with challenges. It will be the rare place in private that will do this. It's sad, but true.


OP won't consider a SN school b/c she doesn't want to expose her kid to kids with challenges and she wants a school's social worker to hand hold her DD's hand and talk her through her emotional moments and explain where she missed social cues. In middle school, this is ridiculous. Her DD needs more help then she's willing to admit.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2014 13:38     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
OP - As another poster noted above, all the privates have high functioning kids on the spectrum and often don't know it. As you know, it is all a matter of degree. I note also that high functioning kids on the spectrum can change a great deal all they way up into high school. Autism is in many ways a developmental disability and is not static. As you probably know, there have also been some recent studies supporting the notion that a certain percentage of high functioning kids will present in ways that would not fit the diagnosis as they get older -- I don't like the term "grow out of it" and I believe substantial early intervention is critical -- but that is how they present. My suggestion is that you look at the schools that are know for offering a supportive, nurturing environment with good academics -- partly because it may be easier for your child to find a place to fit in with more kids in those schools who, on average (not looking to start a fight here), may not be as hard charging on all fronts, and because those teachers are probably more comfortable with being more socially supportive if they have seen a few more quirky types. Good luck. You sound like a great parent.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2014 11:43     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:Sidwell seems to have a few kids like yours, OP, and no one (kids or parents) seems to mind in the least. I'm not sure where some of the posters here get off wondering if your child is really autistic or saying some parents will keep their kids away. I'm not saying that that might not be the case, but I certainly don't think when people post on this site they should be prepared to get snarked at just for asking a question or contributing.

My son has ADD and is a senior at SFS this year (there are quite a few boys in this class with this issue so I am not afraid of outing him with this post!) There is a girl in his class who he says has been very vocal about having severe autism when she was young (I guess she went silent for a few years) and has stood up in Quaker meeting to talk about it and even wrote a few pieces in the school paper. She is extremely well liked, and when she had a birthday party a few years back, my son and virtually the entire class of 125 kids minus a handful away for the summer went. I know that my son says she's very smart from the few classes they had taken together so I don't know if that's why Sidwell didn't think her issues would interfere. But he also says she isn't a party kid as much as a lot of his friends in the class and is in the library a lot, so maybe she suffers from some of the same shyness as your child. Anyway, I would give Sidwell a shot. My son did receive a little help with organization his first few years (really didn't amount to much help so he stopped) but he gets extra time for testing which has helped, and Sidwell has been great about that. Good luck!


That's great to hear that Sidwell took a chance on this girl. I wonder how much the parents told them at admissions.

But I'm stuck on the idea that the girl -- or anyone -- had a birthday party for 125 kids. Is that common at Sidwell?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2014 10:34     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:Sidwell seems to have a few kids like yours, OP, and no one (kids or parents) seems to mind in the least. I'm not sure where some of the posters here get off wondering if your child is really autistic or saying some parents will keep their kids away. I'm not saying that that might not be the case, but I certainly don't think when people post on this site they should be prepared to get snarked at just for asking a question or contributing.

My son has ADD and is a senior at SFS this year (there are quite a few boys in this class with this issue so I am not afraid of outing him with this post!) There is a girl in his class who he says has been very vocal about having severe autism when she was young (I guess she went silent for a few years) and has stood up in Quaker meeting to talk about it and even wrote a few pieces in the school paper. She is extremely well liked, and when she had a birthday party a few years back, my son and virtually the entire class of 125 kids minus a handful away for the summer went. I know that my son says she's very smart from the few classes they had taken together so I don't know if that's why Sidwell didn't think her issues would interfere. But he also says she isn't a party kid as much as a lot of his friends in the class and is in the library a lot, so maybe she suffers from some of the same shyness as your child. Anyway, I would give Sidwell a shot. My son did receive a little help with organization his first few years (really didn't amount to much help so he stopped) but he gets extra time for testing which has helped, and Sidwell has been great about that. Good luck!



+1. You are correct about that particular girl, but I would never have known she was autistic when I met her, and I think that's the difference unfortunately. I also think autistic boys are perceived a little different than girls, and that is also unfortunate, but the reality of the world we live in.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2014 10:33     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:Be prepared to fight the parents every day. They are awful. They won't want anyone 'out of the norm' around their children. They can't deal with challenges--and certainly don't want their children exposed to kids with challenges. It will be the rare place in private that will do this. It's sad, but true.


It depends on the school. Most schools would not consider my child but we only looked at smaller, cheaper, lessor known schools. One school was willing to take the chance. We do not know if we have hfa or speech issues or both. It presents more as speech. All of the teachers,maids and parents have been great, especially the few parents of the kids my child instantly made friends with. They know and they act like they do not care. I think our situation is rare and we worry what will happen if or when we go to private. But, not all parents are awful, just many.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2014 10:25     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Sidwell seems to have a few kids like yours, OP, and no one (kids or parents) seems to mind in the least. I'm not sure where some of the posters here get off wondering if your child is really autistic or saying some parents will keep their kids away. I'm not saying that that might not be the case, but I certainly don't think when people post on this site they should be prepared to get snarked at just for asking a question or contributing.

My son has ADD and is a senior at SFS this year (there are quite a few boys in this class with this issue so I am not afraid of outing him with this post!) There is a girl in his class who he says has been very vocal about having severe autism when she was young (I guess she went silent for a few years) and has stood up in Quaker meeting to talk about it and even wrote a few pieces in the school paper. She is extremely well liked, and when she had a birthday party a few years back, my son and virtually the entire class of 125 kids minus a handful away for the summer went. I know that my son says she's very smart from the few classes they had taken together so I don't know if that's why Sidwell didn't think her issues would interfere. But he also says she isn't a party kid as much as a lot of his friends in the class and is in the library a lot, so maybe she suffers from some of the same shyness as your child. Anyway, I would give Sidwell a shot. My son did receive a little help with organization his first few years (really didn't amount to much help so he stopped) but he gets extra time for testing which has helped, and Sidwell has been great about that. Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2014 22:58     Subject: Re:Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
My ASD son is in a private mainstream elementary school. We are very honest with the school and work very collaboratively. However, none of the parents know about his ASD. I just think I should wait until my son is old enough to understand more about his ASD so he can advocate for himself, instead of having others judging him now.

- If you are a parent with an ASD kid in a mainstream school, do you reveal the diagnose to other parents and how do they react?
- If you are a parent of NT kid(s), what do you think of having ASD kids at mainstream school? Honestly, do you truly believe in inclusion and that NT kids can benefit from having ASD kids in the classroom?


Anonymous
Post 11/19/2014 22:01     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Be prepared to fight the parents every day. They are awful. They won't want anyone 'out of the norm' around their children. They can't deal with challenges--and certainly don't want their children exposed to kids with challenges. It will be the rare place in private that will do this. It's sad, but true.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2014 14:44     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not 19:29 and I happen to know at least two of those schools that have ASD kids and by definition they all need social supports -- maybe they don't consider it a priority so the parents so ask but trust me they could all use it. By the way, there are plenty of NT kids at my kids school that could use social supports. We point to kids with ASD as having social communication problems, but those are not the kids that are bullying, making fun of, or excluding children.... they could all have a positive benefit of the other kids despite their own challenges.


19:29 here. One of the kids I know who was counseled out because he didn't understand social boundaries. He made fun of other kids and bullied some kids. And I mean badly bullied. Teachers talked to him and his parents, he and his parents spoke to the school's counselor and to the head of school. He wasn't a bad kid; what he needed simply wasn't offered there. At his public school, with social supports in place, he does extremely well academically and works with the social issues for less than an hour a day with people who are trained to help kids on the spectrum.

As another poster mentioned, I'm sure there are high functioning kids with autism at all the schools mentioned. As a parent, with professional guidance, you have to decide where your child is best served. Don't do your child a disservice by putting her in a private school (or any school) that doesn't have the resources she needs.

Call the learning specialists and/or counselors at these schools. You don't have use your real name. Ask them honestly if they could meet your child's needs.


And take what they say with a huge grain of salt. They may really think they can do it, but not know what they're in for. Ask questions specific to your child and your child's behavior.

I was repeatedly assured by the head of a private school with 50+ years of experience that her school could handle my kid with HFA. They couldn't. They didn't have the training or the resources. My kid was unhappy. I was unhappy. The school was unhappy. The other kids and parents were unhappy. He is currently doing very, very well in a public school with minimal supports.


+1

This happened to us when our DS was in preschool. It wold have been better if they had just said they couldn't handle his issues. He's now a teen and doing beautifully with minimal supports.

I think we lost OP.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2014 12:58     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not 19:29 and I happen to know at least two of those schools that have ASD kids and by definition they all need social supports -- maybe they don't consider it a priority so the parents so ask but trust me they could all use it. By the way, there are plenty of NT kids at my kids school that could use social supports. We point to kids with ASD as having social communication problems, but those are not the kids that are bullying, making fun of, or excluding children.... they could all have a positive benefit of the other kids despite their own challenges.


19:29 here. One of the kids I know who was counseled out because he didn't understand social boundaries. He made fun of other kids and bullied some kids. And I mean badly bullied. Teachers talked to him and his parents, he and his parents spoke to the school's counselor and to the head of school. He wasn't a bad kid; what he needed simply wasn't offered there. At his public school, with social supports in place, he does extremely well academically and works with the social issues for less than an hour a day with people who are trained to help kids on the spectrum.

As another poster mentioned, I'm sure there are high functioning kids with autism at all the schools mentioned. As a parent, with professional guidance, you have to decide where your child is best served. Don't do your child a disservice by putting her in a private school (or any school) that doesn't have the resources she needs.

Call the learning specialists and/or counselors at these schools. You don't have use your real name. Ask them honestly if they could meet your child's needs.


And take what they say with a huge grain of salt. They may really think they can do it, but not know what they're in for. Ask questions specific to your child and your child's behavior.

I was repeatedly assured by the head of a private school with 50+ years of experience that her school could handle my kid with HFA. They couldn't. They didn't have the training or the resources. My kid was unhappy. I was unhappy. The school was unhappy. The other kids and parents were unhappy. He is currently doing very, very well in a public school with minimal supports.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2014 11:01     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:OP, my child does not have HFA but has some similar tendencies. He was doing well in a typical environment but we really wanted as much therapy and intervention as possible to help address the social quirks he has, which are subtle but present and I'm sure would be a problem as he gets older without support early on. Anyhow, we opted for a SN environment early on and it's been night and day. Some therapists and family members think he doesn't need it at all but our philosophy has been to focus on helping him versus worrying about stigma of a SN school or what his peers there are diagnosed with. Bottom line is that it's been phenomenal for him and we are so grateful as many of his social quirks are gone. He is learning to manage them. He's a sweet and incredibly smart and sensitive boy. When I think of privates I'd consider later on, McLean is at the top of the list, along with potentially St. Andrews. Other than that it would be public with supports where they are legally required to meet my kids' needs and I have power to fight and make that happen if needed. You don't have that power in a private.


You sound like a very thoughtful, wise parent. I appreciate seeing posts like this.
Anonymous
Post 11/18/2014 08:27     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
OP, my child does not have HFA but has some similar tendencies. He was doing well in a typical environment but we really wanted as much therapy and intervention as possible to help address the social quirks he has, which are subtle but present and I'm sure would be a problem as he gets older without support early on. Anyhow, we opted for a SN environment early on and it's been night and day. Some therapists and family members think he doesn't need it at all but our philosophy has been to focus on helping him versus worrying about stigma of a SN school or what his peers there are diagnosed with. Bottom line is that it's been phenomenal for him and we are so grateful as many of his social quirks are gone. He is learning to manage them. He's a sweet and incredibly smart and sensitive boy. When I think of privates I'd consider later on, McLean is at the top of the list, along with potentially St. Andrews. Other than that it would be public with supports where they are legally required to meet my kids' needs and I have power to fight and make that happen if needed. You don't have that power in a private.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2014 23:00     Subject: Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism
Anonymous wrote:Not 19:29 and I happen to know at least two of those schools that have ASD kids and by definition they all need social supports -- maybe they don't consider it a priority so the parents so ask but trust me they could all use it. By the way, there are plenty of NT kids at my kids school that could use social supports. We point to kids with ASD as having social communication problems, but those are not the kids that are bullying, making fun of, or excluding children.... they could all have a positive benefit of the other kids despite their own challenges.


19:29 here. One of the kids I know who was counseled out because he didn't understand social boundaries. He made fun of other kids and bullied some kids. And I mean badly bullied. Teachers talked to him and his parents, he and his parents spoke to the school's counselor and to the head of school. He wasn't a bad kid; what he needed simply wasn't offered there. At his public school, with social supports in place, he does extremely well academically and works with the social issues for less than an hour a day with people who are trained to help kids on the spectrum.

As another poster mentioned, I'm sure there are high functioning kids with autism at all the schools mentioned. As a parent, with professional guidance, you have to decide where your child is best served. Don't do your child a disservice by putting her in a private school (or any school) that doesn't have the resources she needs.

Call the learning specialists and/or counselors at these schools. You don't have use your real name. Ask them honestly if they could meet your child's needs.