Anonymous wrote:I hate to break it to you--but your kids are getting what they deserve. This is called a natural consequence.

It's a pretty simple equation--- if you pick on people, some of them are going to get ticked off and lash out at you. The message to your son should be -- "i'm sorry that your friend lost his temper, I guess you shouldn't pick on him again." I would focus on that rather than whether it's "worse to tease or be physical." Yes, it would be lovely if all kids and adult could give your child a better consequence than pysical retaliation. But, in the real world, if you act like a jerk, occassionally you're going to meet someone that will call you out for your crappy behavior. In boy world that is occassionally going to be phsical.

You are not doing your son any favor by trying to make his "friends" put up with his crap. Work with him to learn how to interact more appropriately and read the social cues to learn when he is crossing the line and to STOP when people are getting irritated. Querry--would you be happier if the boy that your kids was teasing marshalled all his friends to verbally tease your boys in retaliation? Would that be better?

I have come across kids like yours in my son's grade. Their parents think they are the victims when they are really the instigators. Often the same parents, if they are around at all, have the nose in the I-phone and conveinently miss the crappy thing their kid did to irritate their "friends."

Anonymous wrote:OP here..That is my point. I don't think it is the same. Yes, teasing is not good but I think physically assaulting another child is much, much worse.

All kids tease. The mean kid who squeezes my kids and pushes their faces in the snow until they can't breathe ALSO teases. but my kids keep their hands to themselves and I think that is the more important thing in terms of safety.

There is a reason that "teasing" is not a crime but "assault - unwanted touching" is a crime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think there is ANY chance OP will concede that her children need to shape up without pointing out what the other kids are doing?

I think that there is some bullying going on with this topic. I think OP is upset that her child was hurt and is feeling defensive about what may have contributed. I think that those are normal feelings that probably should have been processed through before bringing the question to a forum- this one in particular.

I agree with another poster that it's not worthwhile to evaluate which is worse- the physical or the teasing. The fact is that both actions have short and long term consequences for kids. It's a little weird that OP doesn't see the issue considering how many stories about bullying are in circulation.

It's incredibly disheartening to hear adults (and I assume fellow parents) sound almost gleeful that a child was physically scared/frightened.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think there is ANY chance OP will concede that her children need to shape up without pointing out what the other kids are doing?

I think that there is some bullying going on with this topic. I think OP is upset that her child was hurt and is feeling defensive about what may have contributed. I think that those are normal feelings that probably should have been processed through before bringing the question to a forum- this one in particular.

I agree with another poster that it's not worthwhile to evaluate which is worse- the physical or the teasing. The fact is that both actions have short and long term consequences for kids. It's a little weird that OP doesn't see the issue considering how many stories about bullying are in circulation.

It's incredibly disheartening to hear adults (and I assume fellow parents) sound almost gleeful that a child was physically scared/frightened.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think there is ANY chance OP will concede that her children need to shape up without pointing out what the other kids are doing?