Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 21:15     Subject: Re:Becoming wealthy after marriage
Based on what you have said, your dh made more than you while you were going to school and completing training, but now that you are done and will be making more, it isn't enough. I do understand not wanting to support his family, that is completely reasonable. However, there otherwise seems to be a lack of thinking of the two of you as a team, and a lack of emphasis on his non monetary contributions to your success but no shortage of emphasis on your accomplishments. I don't think your marriage has much chance of success unless that changes.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 20:43     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
Anonymous wrote:I am going to go through with marriage counseling PP, absolutely.

To the other PP, money is not the only thing I need from him, we have quite a few romantic issues but don't really want to go I to depth.


To the troll accuser. I never denied being a doctor, I said I am not a resident, but that it was close. If you were as well versed in my career as you think you are you would realize there is another step for high earning specialties. And you would also realize that me growing up in the lowest tax bracket and going to a top school almost guaranteed I wouldn't pay a penny for my education. There was no "stipend" it was full cost of attendance. There is a distinct difference. I hope me answering brought all the satisfaction to your day that you were missing...



You said you weren't a doctor and to say more would compromise your anonymity-- fairly ridiculous talk if you are a fellow, which it sounds like you are. Can't believe you think your spouse didn't have to make sacrifices for your career. You definitely need to talk to spouses of your colleagues to get a sense of how hard medical school and residency/fellowship were on their families since you seem unwilling to see it from your dh's perspective (and yes, I have first hand knowledge!of what is like to see a spouse down that path)
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 20:38     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
Wait, your DH is promising *houses* to extended family without talking with you, before you've even entered your specialty practice? That is awful, just awful. I feel for you, OP.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 20:25     Subject: Re:Becoming wealthy after marriage
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think op is a troll too, no career track as she describes actually exists (no school debt, plus col stipend , plus incredible salary increase), unless she is a doctor, which she denies. And if she is a doctor, she is strangely unwilling to acknowledge the sacrifices and support getting her through medical school and residency by her dh.


If she had to complete labs in school, she is probably in a STEM field. Doesn't mean she has to be a doctor or a lawyer to make in the high six figures once she achieves the degree/certification that qualifies her for the high paying positions.


Not even a jd will start out at those numbers. Some specialty mds might in private practice. But op claims she isn't either.

Name this mysterious other stem certification. Most post docs struggle to get out of five digits,ifmtheyncan even get a job.


You missed her post where she admitted she was a doctor but not a resident.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 20:20     Subject: Re:Becoming wealthy after marriage
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think op is a troll too, no career track as she describes actually exists (no school debt, plus col stipend , plus incredible salary increase), unless she is a doctor, which she denies. And if she is a doctor, she is strangely unwilling to acknowledge the sacrifices and support getting her through medical school and residency by her dh.


If she had to complete labs in school, she is probably in a STEM field. Doesn't mean she has to be a doctor or a lawyer to make in the high six figures once she achieves the degree/certification that qualifies her for the high paying positions.


Not even a jd will start out at those numbers. Some specialty mds might in private practice. But op claims she isn't either.

Name this mysterious other stem certification. Most post docs struggle to get out of five digits,ifmtheyncan even get a job.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 20:10     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
My husband isn't a good earner. Never has been and probably never will be. He is, however, a lovely man. He takes care of me and our children, is romantic, loyal, sensitive and caring. He does more than his share of other tasks in our family, including some I'd rather not handle (e.g., bill paying, home maintenance, dealing with details related to the kids' permission slips, camp forms, etc.). I love him despite the fact that he isn't financially successful. Like you, OP, sometimes his lack of ambition is a turn off, but I try to see past it. No one is perfect. I'm certainly not perfect myself.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 18:43     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
Does he make you happy? I would be 100% okay with my DH making less $$ than me if he made me happy and I made him happy.

money... in some respects, is just a number. Yes, it can buy you many things and makes your life a little more cushy, but at the end of the day you sound like you definitely have enough to pay the bills, meet basic and non-basic needs and are looking for relationship advice on how to deal with in-laws, etc.

You're not an ATM for the whims/wants of various friends & extended family. However.... family is family. And outside of crazy family-drama issues, I would do whatever it takes within reason to make sure those we love and surround ourselves with are able to stay on their feet.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 18:16     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
I have to stop walking and typing. Simply horrid typos!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 18:09     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
OP here,

I guess I don't really see what's so trolling about my concerns, not really a hot button issues unless it's only SAHMs thinking of their DHs perspective.

A PPentil ed earlier about not wanting more money, more work and just being happy with where you are and the time you have. I didn't really give much thought to this before. And the repeated "different paths", is this something we will not be able to come together on? I want to adjust my expectations but concerned if it, the differing outlooks on life and success, will always be a point of contention.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 17:48     Subject: Re:Becoming wealthy after marriage
Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP is a troll, but I think perhaps not. Different attitudes towards money and ambition can really move people apart from each other. I think they are on different tracks.


+ 1 it sounds like OP just finished her postdoc and is an MD. If she and her husband have such differing paths then what is there to work out?
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 17:41     Subject: Re:Becoming wealthy after marriage
Maybe OP is a troll, but I think perhaps not. Different attitudes towards money and ambition can really move people apart from each other. I think they are on different tracks.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 17:24     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
Anonymous wrote:I am going to go through with marriage counseling PP, absolutely.

To the other PP, money is not the only thing I need from him, we have quite a few romantic issues but don't really want to go I to depth.


To the troll accuser. I never denied being a doctor, I said I am not a resident, but that it was close. If you were as well versed in my career as you think you are you would realize there is another step for high earning specialties. And you would also realize that me growing up in the lowest tax bracket and going to a top school almost guaranteed I wouldn't pay a penny for my education. There was no "stipend" it was full cost of attendance. There is a distinct difference. I hope me answering brought all the satisfaction to your day that you were missing...


I'm not surprised that your husband's family is expecting gifts. To many, marrying a doctor or attorney means you are rolling in money, regardless of the specialty. Of the two of you, you are the saver and he is the spender. There is less potential for problems if the spender is also the primary breadwinner.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 16:56     Subject: Becoming wealthy after marriage
I am going to go through with marriage counseling PP, absolutely.

To the other PP, money is not the only thing I need from him, we have quite a few romantic issues but don't really want to go I to depth.


To the troll accuser. I never denied being a doctor, I said I am not a resident, but that it was close. If you were as well versed in my career as you think you are you would realize there is another step for high earning specialties. And you would also realize that me growing up in the lowest tax bracket and going to a top school almost guaranteed I wouldn't pay a penny for my education. There was no "stipend" it was full cost of attendance. There is a distinct difference. I hope me answering brought all the satisfaction to your day that you were missing...
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 16:56     Subject: Re:Becoming wealthy after marriage
Anonymous wrote:I think op is a troll too, no career track as she describes actually exists (no school debt, plus col stipend , plus incredible salary increase), unless she is a doctor, which she denies. And if she is a doctor, she is strangely unwilling to acknowledge the sacrifices and support getting her through medical school and residency by her dh.


If she had to complete labs in school, she is probably in a STEM field. Doesn't mean she has to be a doctor or a lawyer to make in the high six figures once she achieves the degree/certification that qualifies her for the high paying positions.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2014 16:24     Subject: Re:Becoming wealthy after marriage
I think op is a troll too, no career track as she describes actually exists (no school debt, plus col stipend , plus incredible salary increase), unless she is a doctor, which she denies. And if she is a doctor, she is strangely unwilling to acknowledge the sacrifices and support getting her through medical school and residency by her dh.