Anonymous wrote:This all sounds quite trashy. Who spends time talking to her husband's mistress but a reality show wannabe.

+1

Trashy is putting it mildly.

WTF does one gain by talking to the OW other than demonstrating how trashy behavior?

OP, how was he emotionally abusive? Maybe that will make a difference.

Anonymous wrote:OP, he will turn on her eventually just like he did to you. He doesn't know how to love or commit, that is clear. She is a fool not to see what is going on between you and your DH as a prediction of her own future but that is her problem not yours.

Maybe you are right but that is neither here nor there.

Anonymous wrote:I wish we could all just stay on topic. I need tips on getting full custody of my child. His mistress was ruthless when we spoke. He was planning on getting her pregnant. He told her they were going to live together. She seemed perfectly ok with getting pregnant by a married man.

You will NOT get full custody. Don't be an idiot. Work to make a life for yourself and your child and foster the relationship between your child and its father.

If you push your luck and make it difficult for the child's father after the court ordered custody arrangement, you risk losing custody to your husband.

Once again, don't be an idiot. The family courts don't work the way you think and custody will end up being shared.

OP, he will turn on her eventually just like he did to you. He doesn't know how to love or commit, that is clear. She is a fool not to see what is going on between you and your DH as a prediction of her own future but that is her problem not yours.

Anonymous wrote:Actually, PP (8:55) the post you're referring to was my first in this thread. The OP is having no trouble carrying the nasty all by herself.

Looking for advice on how to screw with custody and visitation for a BABY over an affair is vindictive and b*tchy beyond comprehension to me. Keeping a child from a parent over a grudge is not acceptable by any stretch.

I'm not an OW, but maybe you have experience as you seem to know so much about my life. I'm an aunt to a niece born out of exactly this kind of situation. My brother wasn't having an affair, but the relationship was failing and all the sudden GF was pregnant. He should have kept it in his pants, agreed, but as I stated before - who really thinks that a woman will get pregnant ON PURPOSE? Now niece is sadly used as a pawn for control and it's really a sad situation because brother is an excellent father but must jump through flaming hoops daily to keep his ex "allowing" him to see his daughter.

Well this certainly explains your posts. Your experience is coloring your reaction to this post which is unfair to OP. Calm down and take a few deep breaths. This is not about your brother and there has been nothing OP has posted so far that supports your assumptions about her motivations.

wish we could all just stay on topic. I need tips on getting full custody of my child. His mistress was ruthless when we spoke. He was planning on getting her pregnant. He told her they were going to live together. She seemed perfectly ok with getting pregnant by a married man.

OP, you've been given the best tips, which is to drop the fantasy that you'll get full custody because your husband cheated on you and is generally a scumbag. the best thing you can do right now is get an advantageous divorce agreement that spells out child support, custody, etc. It doesn't matter if he was planning on banging 33 girls a night--he is not an unfit parent and he wants to be involved in his child's life and he will be, so you best get used to the idea and work it out to your best advantage.

And if you care about the well being of your child, which I assume you do, the very very very best thing you can do (and perhaps the hardest) is to figure out how to peacefully co-parent with your ex. I have seen the product of a child whose parents divorced young and could never drop the anger and it has devastated this child in numerous ways. You need to realize that your marriage is over, that you need to find a way to deal with your anger and pain in therapy and not in an unrewarding and nasty custody battle that will cost you endless $$ and not end up getting you what you want and poison your co-parenting relationship.

I can understand the feelings of betrayal and anger, but you cannot choose to cut your ex out of his child's life. You had the choice to procreate with him or not, but what's done is done. Move on and get your revenge by living well.

Actually, PP (8:55) the post you're referring to was my first in this thread. The OP is having no trouble carrying the nasty all by herself.

Looking for advice on how to screw with custody and visitation for a BABY over an affair is vindictive and b*tchy beyond comprehension to me. Keeping a child from a parent over a grudge is not acceptable by any stretch.

I'm not an OW, but maybe you have experience as you seem to know so much about my life. I'm an aunt to a niece born out of exactly this kind of situation. My brother wasn't having an affair, but the relationship was failing and all the sudden GF was pregnant. He should have kept it in his pants, agreed, but as I stated before - who really thinks that a woman will get pregnant ON PURPOSE? Now niece is sadly used as a pawn for control and it's really a sad situation because brother is an excellent father but must jump through flaming hoops daily to keep his ex "allowing" him to see his daughter.

I wish we could all just stay on topic. I need tips on getting full custody of my child. His mistress was ruthless when we spoke. He was planning on getting her pregnant. He told her they were going to live together. She seemed perfectly ok with getting pregnant by a married man.

Anonymous wrote:As you were separated during your pregnancy, he moved I back in when baby was born, and this affair has been going on for "years", I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you likely got pregnant while you were separated and thought doing so would keep him from her. He tried for a while, maybe, out of a sense of duty like many men do, to create a family but as the relationship wasn't great to start with, having a baby wasn't enough to make it work.

And now, just like before when you got pregnant, you are using your child as a pawn to control that man. And it won't work.

Btw, the woman is not a whore. She has nothing to do with your relationship with your husband. Put blame where blame is due.

You sound like an Other Woman, PP. Big time. And I also think you're the author of a lot of the nastiest posts on this thread.

OP, most people don't think like this. You're going to get your bitter Other Women who hate you for being married to "their" guys when they're not. You're going to have your bitter ex-DH's who hear that you want to keep your child from his/her father and think that's an evil thing to do and will absolutely pound you for it. You'll have your melodramatic posters who like to imagine sordid stories about OPs and then project their overheated imaginary stories onto you and assume they're fact. And then you'll have your pragmatists who feel for you and your point of view, but are trying to explain that a) the courts won't factor in the fact that he's cheating bastard in the custody decision, b) a child needs his/her father as long as he's not abusive, and c) he doesn't really sound like the kind of guy who's going to fight you much for custody anyway. Good luck. Focus on the finances, don't be vindictive about the child no matter how hurt and furious you feel, and maybe see a therapist to help you work through all this. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As you were separated during your pregnancy, he moved I back in when baby was born, and this affair has been going on for "years", I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you likely got pregnant while you were separated and thought doing so would keep him from her. He tried for a while, maybe, out of a sense of duty like many men do, to create a family but as the relationship wasn't great to start with, having a baby wasn't enough to make it work.

And now, just like before when you got pregnant, you are using your child as a pawn to control that man. And it won't work.

Btw, the woman is not a whore. She has nothing to do with your relationship with your husband. Put blame where blame is due.

Takes two to tango. Why would OP's husband sleep with his wife while they were separated if he didn't understand the risk?

I agree, but I also don't think a horny man's brain will default to the "pregnancy as revenge/entrapment" idea, especially if his partner or previous partner has always "looked after" birth control by being on the pill, etc. ANY one going through a separation should insist upon double birth control until things are worked out, IMHO, but most people aren't that swift to realize that a lot of children are created out of exactly these kinds of situations.

I've seen it personally at least four times in my life, and I think in general I'm surrounded by a lot of pretty normal, educated folk who wouldn't play these kinds of games. But they do.

Anonymous wrote:As you were separated during your pregnancy, he moved I back in when baby was born, and this affair has been going on for "years", I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you likely got pregnant while you were separated and thought doing so would keep him from her. He tried for a while, maybe, out of a sense of duty like many men do, to create a family but as the relationship wasn't great to start with, having a baby wasn't enough to make it work.

And now, just like before when you got pregnant, you are using your child as a pawn to control that man. And it won't work.

Btw, the woman is not a whore. She has nothing to do with your relationship with your husband. Put blame where blame is due.

Takes two to tango. Why would OP's husband sleep with his wife while they were separated if he didn't understand the risk?

As you were separated during your pregnancy, he moved I back in when baby was born, and this affair has been going on for "years", I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you likely got pregnant while you were separated and thought doing so would keep him from her. He tried for a while, maybe, out of a sense of duty like many men do, to create a family but as the relationship wasn't great to start with, having a baby wasn't enough to make it work.

And now, just like before when you got pregnant, you are using your child as a pawn to control that man. And it won't work.

Btw, the woman is not a whore. She has nothing to do with your relationship with your husband. Put blame where blame is due.

I missed the bit where you said you were separated during the pregnancy. Sorry, it sounds like this marriage was not meant to be and that everything was not fine "until the whore came along".

Have some dignity, figure out how you're going to co-parent, and have your financial ducks in a row.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bad husbands can be good fathers. It doesn't matter if you hate one another.

Of course they can be. They raise children to grow up to be liars and users with no sense or responsibility toward other human beings. Just what we need more of.

OP does not come across as anything close to being a model mother ..... so if the father is the same way, I am really sorry for the kid.

What OP does not realize is that what is in her best interests and that of her child is to get on with her life and move on. Let her child develop a relationship with the father.

But the truth is the dad will probably leave and never look back. He will make a mild effort to see the child at times just enough to screw him/her up a little more.

Find another dad for this child, OP.