Anonymous wrote:OP, the thing is, you really didn't give Jen any options that could possibly have worked for her. You not come to her party when she was coming to yours? Her having the party a weekend she couldn't do it? It seems like you heard she was planning a party for Aiden and immediately decided you were not going to make any concessions to her before you even began -- you stuck to your date and your original plan and didn't budge at all. Even if your sister is a PITA, you should have given her something to work with because now you are putting your family and your kids in a really awkward position, and you two are going to remember and resent this forever now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

You're not a jerk, your sister is.

You need to start sending out the invites earlier, though. End of June is like 2-3 weeks away. If I had a crazy sister like this, I'd send out invites 4-6 weeks in advance! (Heck, I don't have a crazy sister and I do that, because everyone is so freaking busy in DC on summer weekends )

You should accept the joint birthday and then, since she contributes nothing to that sort of thing, it will by default just be Isabella's birthday, with a cake only with her name, etc (I'm guessing she won't have her act together to get a cake, etc, so just do your thing and the act shocked -- SHOCKED -- that she didn't bring Aiden a cake or that you don't have Aiden's name on anything).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the first post you didn't mention that Aiden's trip had anything to do with Aiden's interest, and you said that she had started inviting other people when she found out you were doing the same. Why is your story changing?

The story isn't changing. I said they took a family overnight trip on his birthday weekend in my OP. The family trip was out of town at an event that directly corresponds to his interests. I was being more specific to indicate that it was clearly a trip for him, not just a family vacation that happened to be that weekend. And neither of us were inviting anyone--we were both more or less asking different people "would you be free on this date?"

I don't know why I mentioned the number of children we have. I don't think my kid is "more special" because she's one of two vs. one of four.

Who's ready for the best part? As I've been following this thread, I've been hashing some things out over email with my sister (we're both clearly very busy at work). As per her passive-aggressive crazy, I just received an evite notice that her "event" has been cancelled and her latest response is "Whatever, Aiden just won't have a birthday party."

This doesn't sound that crazy to me. Frustrated and defeated, yes. Your sister gave in and cancelled her party so it wouldn't compete with yours. Why don't you try out being nice now for a change?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

Anonymous wrote:Neither Jen nor Kim gives a flying fuck about the birthday party. Each one wants to "win." Great role models, ladies.

Anonymous wrote:Kim should have agreed to a joint party. Get over yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

Youre being a complete jerk, good thing you're okay with that.

Anonymous wrote:OP again, ah, quote fail on me above. And I didn't identify myself. But there it is, I wrote what's quoted, and was quoting what's not.