Anonymous wrote:To the last two PPs ... did you notice that this thread is a year old?

Probably not. Am I the only one who, when I see old threads brought back to the top of the heap, is compelled to click on them and see why they've been resurrected? I love it.

Why are we still discussing this one year later?

OP; have you seen how many threads are on DCUM from adult women who have horrible friends or an inability to establish and maintain healthy boundaries between themselves and their "friend"? People who cannot distinguish friends from "frienemies", and friends from acquaintances?

Teach your children that they do not have to hang out or be friends with people that are not nice to them. Teach them by example--by telling them that you are minimizing contact between them and the difficult girl, because they do not have to continue hanging out with people who are not nice. You can pick your friends, and they should be able to pick their friends too!

I had one of these situations, and it was also a situation where after a couple of attempts, I could see that any feedback to my friend would backfire. So I started meeting the mom without the kid; to have lunch or coffee.

Also, since the kids were in the same class, there were always opportunities to explain what Larla was doing, why it was not acceptable behavior (bullying, grabbing, begging, whining, not leaving when time to go, lying, manipulating, I could go on and on) and conversely how I expected my kids to behave. So ironically, Larla has been very, very helpful in teaching my kids how to be civilized and respectful human beings.

Why do you have to get the kids together?

I have tons of friends with kids. With some, we just get together without the children. Just b/c you're friends with Lady X doesn't mean your kids have to like each other.

I don't understand . . .

Anonymous wrote:My best friend (since middle school, we are now both in our late 30s) has a daughter who is 7. My daughters are 8 and 6. BF's daughter is awful. She is manipulative, nasty, mean little girl. She taunts other kids, teases them and pouts when she doesn't get her way.

Just two small examples (but these are two of many) all the girls were racing this last weekend on bikes. When BF's daughter wins, she will turn around and say things like "I won, I won, you are a loser, you lost, you loser". My girls don't really care, but I can tell they get annoyed. Another time, another kid we were playing with found a cool rock. She was all excited and said "Hey look!" BF's kid came up, snatched it right out of her hands and then ran away. BF was not around so I said "please give that back" and BF's kid THREW it at the girl and stomped away. Another time, her mother disciplined her for something and she was very contrite but then once my BF turned her back, BF's kid looked another girl right in the eye and said "I hate you" and pulled her hair.

I want to be able to hang out with my best friend and our kids, but my daughters don't like her daughter and frankly, neither do I. She is just a brat, plain and simple. Do I only start seeing my BF when kids are not around?

Anonymous wrote:1. Your kids have to deal with the fact they sometimes have to deal with a situation is not to their liking.

Or

2. You teach them the world revolves around them and dump your friend.

Idiotic advice. You sound like someone raising a little asshole of your own. OP, there is no reason to subject your kids to that vile little girl. You should also be concerned about her behavior rubbing off on them because when kids see another kid getting away with murder over and over, it leaves little incentive to behave. It is not fair at all to your daughters to have to put up with that girl just because you want to have a friend. Hang out with her mother one on one and leave the kids out of it.

To the last two PPs ... did you notice that this thread is a year old?

Have you ever tried telling your friend about the behaviour she does not witness? If my kid is doing something I am not aware of, I want to know it!

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a child acts childishly. How shocking. How unexpected.

What kind of sociopaths are you raising then? The OP is NOT describing a regular child who acts childishly. She's describing what looks like some sort of borderline sociopath.

Keep your daughters away, OP. Kids are left emotionally damaged with low self-esteem when they grow up with bullies - you do not need inflict this nasty child on your own daughters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your kids have to deal with the fact they sometimes have to deal with a situation is not to their liking.

Or

2. You teach them the world revolves around them and dump your friend.

-1

That little girl sounds like an asshole and the mother sounds completely oblivious.

Agree. OP can hang out with her BF, sans kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG People,
Cutting the monkey = acting out, being bad, acting a fool, etc

LOL. Didn't the clip of the monkey cutting up establish that?

i doubt it...folks are just not that bright these days

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The word "hate" is not allowed in our household, and it is most certainly not permitted in reference to another person. It's really sad and unfortunate that you feel like you can say that about a child...particularly your best friend's kid. It sounds like she's a piece of work for sure but come one, OP. Clean up your language. Words are powerful.

+1

Why do I feel like your reaction to this child is extreme?

Why are there grown ups who don't understand that different words bother people differently? I use the word hate and have never understood why some people flip out about it so much. It's not a slur, offensive or even hurtful. Thus, it's an allowed word in my house.

PP, I guess you're right, but we also judge others by the words they use. If I met you and your children and you talk about "hating" this and that and other people it would factor into my perception of who you are. The words we choose to use is important in my opinion.

Bully for you. I have a friend like you, by the by, who eschews the use of the word "hate," "bad," and a few other words that in the context most people use them, are about as offensive as the word "tree." Then she busts out "retarded" to describe she doesn't like, a word I find actually, truly offensive. You use words that affect my perception of you, too. Everyone does.

+100000

Freud claimed that if you hate someones trait, it is usually because you have that same trait. Freud has been disproven MANY times!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your kids have to deal with the fact they sometimes have to deal with a situation is not to their liking.

Or

2. You teach them the world revolves around them and dump your friend.

OP here. I see your point, and in school obviously this is the case (dealing with the fact that my kids will sometimes have to deal with a situation that is not to their liking) but if it is an environment that I can somewhat control, should they have to put up with that?

I guess I just answered my own question.

My parents had friends whose kids were out of control brats. The parents were lovely, but they refused to control their kids. My parents stopped having them over because they didn't want to subject us kids to them. I was very appreciative, and it did not make me an entitled brat. To the contrary, I saw that bad behavior is not rewarded.

Haha. I feel his same way bout SIL's son!

I have had this happen with a friend of mine. Her son is a pill. Very high maintenance. Cries a lot for no reason. Very bossy. *Extremely* socially awkward and immature for his age. Frankly, irritating as all get out. I completely understand why my kid doesn't want to be around him. I stopped making plans for everyone together and just meet up with my friend. Our kids are older now so it isn't as big a deal.

Anonymous wrote:I would discipline the child in front of my friend. Honestly if it's that bad then I have no shame doing so for the benefit of others. If my friend then decides I'm too much of a square then the situation fixes itself naturally. Either the behavior improves or we see less of each other.

An additional upside to this is that you're modeling appropriate language for your DD, rather than condoning the girl's behavior with silence.

I have definitely intervened when other children are acting up in our house and their parent has not addressed it. Things like:

"Everyone plays together in our house." (When DC1's friend was excluding/taunting DC2)

"We do not jump on furniture in our house."

"Please keep the food in the kitchen."

and yes,

"Excuse me? Is that a nice way to talk to [DC]?"

Do I address every little thing? Of course not. But when a friend is getting out of hand and breaking a "house rule" that we follow consistently in our house, then yes, I do intervene. I want to show DD that the rules apply to everyone, and also that it's ok to speak up if someone is crossing a boundary.