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Anonymous wrote:Have you figured out the date? Was it a weeknight or a weekend? Any recollection of where you thought he was, or where you were?

It was 2/16. Around v day obviously around 7:30. I'm pissed inside. I want to go off but I'm keeping my cool because I don't want to over react. I'm naturally a very jealous person.

Look, I'd be annoyed if my partner/boyfriend/husband went to a movie AT ALL and didn't mention it. "Hey, Rick and I are going to catch that war flick on Sunday, any objections?" or "My mom wants me to go to that comedy with her" so just to let you know I won't be around Friday night." You are completely justified in your feelings here, is my point.

I'd totally break up with a woman who expected me to get permission to make plans like that. OMG.

Just like a man to think that information is the same as "permission." All the pp had said was "mention it."

Yes, PP did say "mention it." But PP gave a poor example with the war flick scenario. Those two words "any objections?" killed it for me, and I'm a woman. THAT sounded like a request for permission. The language used around taking the mom to the movies was perfect.

Op said that if he had gone to a movie with a friend she would have known because he would have aske her and said "hey is it cool with you if I go to a movie or would it bother you? (see page 2)

That sounds an awful lot like needing to ask permission.

It sounds an awful lot like basic respect and courtesy to his partner.

Anonymous wrote:I think your tendency toward jealousy is going to doom what seems to be a perfectly healthy relationship.

Thanks for your input, OP's BF.

When I lived with multiple roommates our stuff ended up in each other's rooms all the time. Someone drops movie tickets onto a pile of papers on the kitchen counter. Another paper gets put on top. Other roommate picks up stack thinking this is all their papers. Throws pile of papers onto dresser, tickets slide out and fall.

We were always finding stuff that mysteriously worked its way into our rooms.

OP, trust your gut. You know whether he's cheating.

I will say, in his defense, that cheating in a scenario like this usually looks like fucking and not movie-going. But then again, maybe a girl came over and left those tickets on his dresser?

You could always get truly snoopy, OP, and read his texts while he's asleep or showering or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you figured out the date? Was it a weeknight or a weekend? Any recollection of where you thought he was, or where you were?

It was 2/16. Around v day obviously around 7:30. I'm pissed inside. I want to go off but I'm keeping my cool because I don't want to over react. I'm naturally a very jealous person.

Look, I'd be annoyed if my partner/boyfriend/husband went to a movie AT ALL and didn't mention it. "Hey, Rick and I are going to catch that war flick on Sunday, any objections?" or "My mom wants me to go to that comedy with her" so just to let you know I won't be around Friday night." You are completely justified in your feelings here, is my point.

I'd totally break up with a woman who expected me to get permission to make plans like that. OMG.

Just like a man to think that information is the same as "permission." All the pp had said was "mention it."

Yes, PP did say "mention it." But PP gave a poor example with the war flick scenario. Those two words "any objections?" killed it for me, and I'm a woman. THAT sounded like a request for permission. The language used around taking the mom to the movies was perfect.

Op said that if he had gone to a movie with a friend she would have known because he would have aske her and said "hey is it cool with you if I go to a movie or would it bother you? (see page 2)

That sounds an awful lot like needing to ask permission.

I think your tendency toward jealousy is going to doom what seems to be a perfectly healthy relationship.

Dump him. He's lying.

If you need proof you should have asked to see his texts right then at dinner. You didn't, so I assume you *want* to believe the lies.

Anything that happens from this point forward, you can only blame yourself. You've been warned, this guy is a cheater.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chat up the roommate about the movie..."Hey, Sam, I heard you saw About Last Night, should I go see it?"

Or just decide if you believe your boyfriend or not. My guess is that he is lying but when I was in my twenties, I would have wanted to believe it too.
The fact that he was silent after telling you about it tells me that he is lying. If it were the truth, he would have gone about your dinner as if nothing was wrong, instead he acted differently.

We are all just trying to tell you to be careful, trust your instincts and make sure that you are being treated well by this guy.

OP here. I get this and it's still on my mind but what proof do I have? He has given me zero reason to ever be jealous or have any suspicions. I think his silence was because he was upset. He thought I was snooping and that I didn't tell him earlier when I found it. I waited a couple hours to process everhthing. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior. It's just that typically, I would dump a guy over this, even without proof but he really is the one for me.

Oh boy. It sounds like you really want to believe him. This guy has you where he wants you. Do you go around putting random papers in your pocket before checking what they are? Honey I've BTDT with a cheater, they will make up outrageous lies and then gaslight you or turn things around on you (like how he conveniently accused you of snooping). Do you expect him to tell you the truth if he WAS with another girl? Of course he wouldn't, unless he wanted to be rid of you.

Anonymous wrote:Chat up the roommate about the movie..."Hey, Sam, I heard you saw About Last Night, should I go see it?"

Or just decide if you believe your boyfriend or not. My guess is that he is lying but when I was in my twenties, I would have wanted to believe it too.
The fact that he was silent after telling you about it tells me that he is lying. If it were the truth, he would have gone about your dinner as if nothing was wrong, instead he acted differently.

We are all just trying to tell you to be careful, trust your instincts and make sure that you are being treated well by this guy.

OP here. I get this and it's still on my mind but what proof do I have? He has given me zero reason to ever be jealous or have any suspicions. I think his silence was because he was upset. He thought I was snooping and that I didn't tell him earlier when I found it. I waited a couple hours to process everhthing. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior. It's just that typically, I would dump a guy over this, even without proof but he really is the one for me.

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and your BF, OP? You are discussing marriage and you plan to move in with this guy, but he has roommates?

OP here. He owns a house and rents out two of the rooms. I am in my late 20's and he, early 30's.

Chat up the roommate about the movie..."Hey, Sam, I heard you saw About Last Night, should I go see it?"

Or just decide if you believe your boyfriend or not. My guess is that he is lying but when I was in my twenties, I would have wanted to believe it too.
The fact that he was silent after telling you about it tells me that he is lying. If it were the truth, he would have gone about your dinner as if nothing was wrong, instead he acted differently.

We are all just trying to tell you to be careful, trust your instincts and make sure that you are being treated well by this guy.

Things end up in odd locations all the time. Have you never been tidying up, picked something up and then put it down somewhere out of sight instead of the trash because the phone rang or something else distracted you?

I have.

Here's the thing. Either he's done other things to make you not trust him, in which case you should cut your losses now and get out, or he's given you reason to trust him in the past, in which case you should believe him or move on. A relationship with the kind of jealousy and paranoia you describe, that hasn't progressed to marriage, isn't worth saving. If your jealousy and paranoia is warranted because it's part of a pattern, then you deserve better and should get out. If this is a one time thing and not part of a pattern than he deserves better and you should get out.

How old are you and your BF, OP? You are discussing marriage and you plan to move in with this guy, but he has roommates?

OP,

There are not his tickets, but how does he explain his having them in his possession? He's keeping something from you. Maybe he didn't cheat, but he's got a secret.