Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I too am amazed by some of the keep them busy suggestions. #1 factor is are the friends doing it? And yes the friends can have all A's and take APs and tons of extra curriculars and still do drugs.

Of course they can, and any parent who believes they can totally control their children's lives is delusional. That said, idle hands are the devil's playthings, and often it is boredom that leads to some of the behavior.

The problem with this line of thinking is that we've raised a generation of children who don't know how to entertain themselves. We've scheduled them up so much that they don't know what to do when they have down time. They can't keep being overscheduled forever -- at some point they will have empty time on their hands. And they won't know how to handle it. Boredom is a fact of life. All people at some point in their lives experience boredom and it is certainly not the parents' job to keep their children run run running around so they are never ever bored. The inability to know what to do with time makes kids much more vulnerable to drug abuse cause they have to do something to wave the boredom away.

That's got nothing to do with what I have to say. Where am I talking about overscheduling? Do you really think the band geeks were band geeks because their moms said they had to do band? Do you really think that EVERY kid who CHOSE to step up and lead a club, develop a hobby, practice a sports, try out for the lead in a play, chose intensified classes... did this solely because their parents were afraid they would fall to pieces with a minute of down-time? My kid plays three sports (mostly all year round with varying degrees of intensity). I "enable" in that I am willing to pay for lessons and drive. I drew the line at 4. The kid is thriving - he has friends and good grades. He has time to be bored - so terribly bored he suggested we go for a bike ride today, which we did.

Yes, there is a lot to learn from boredom, but plenty of kids of high school age do know how to entertain themselves. I don't know about your high school experience, but in mine there was some room for drug experimentation (with the band geeks and drama kids), but even then my friends and I thought the stoners were boring.

I have no idea what you are talking about. No one was writing about your DC. This is a very odd, defensive post.

The post above was in reaction to the idea that if you keep kids busy all the time they won't get into drugs.

Thank you, 19:51, for sharing your experiences and insight. I think you're spot on about the professionals. I'd say most of them don't have a clue what they're doing. Have you come across anyone who you'd recommend?
If I may ask, how is your child doing now?
How much does it cost to do the routine drug testing?

Have been through hell on this one. You have not lived as a parent until you find your child overdosing and have to call 911 and by the time the EMTs come their heart beat is down to 10 beats a minute. Yes--I did all the right stuff. No TV ever for anyone in the family on week days--my kids have even thanked me for this. Had kids' friends over all the time. Family meals every night. Sports, scouting, lots of art supplies and projects. Etc. But then disruptive and difficult to manage child health problems emerged.

I didn't jump right on when I noticed signs of pot use. In retrospect, what I would have done now was immediately institute weekly or bi-weekly drug tests. This is one thing that makes it more inconvenient for them to use; people stop when taking drugs becomes more trouble then it is worth. Buy the tests off the internet--much cheaper than CVS--and get ones with a variety of drugs. Kids will switch to other drugs if they really want to experiment so get tests that cover THCs, opiates, cocaine, MMDA, benzos,PCP< amphetamines, etc. Bear in mind that THC can remain positive for two weeks or longer. Most of the others take three to four days so twice a week should cover you.

When you child starts complaining about pain, do not allow doctors to blow them off. Our pediatrician kept sending my child to the same orthopedist for pain that worsened over a year, with a strong suggestion it was psychosomatic. Finally, after a year he grudgingly sent her to physical therapy. The physical therapist recommended a prescription for a TENS machine, which the orthopedist declared she didn't need. As I wondered what to do next she self-helped to opiates off the street, and I am still dealing with the fall out. Don't allow this to happen to your child--we live in a world where it is far easier for a child to score opiates than a TENS prescription. Doctors in general are utterly clueless about this, but you shouldn't be. Demand early and aggressive investigation and (nonnarcotic) treatment of child pain.

Severely limit their access to cash. This is the only way to pay for illegal drugs. Give them their allowance on Visa gift cards. They may still have friends who occasionally share pot with them, but kids do not tolerate free riders for long.

Mental health problems are a difficult confounding factor. And some of the professionals actually make it worse by prescribing benzos, etc. No only are these addictive in themselves, but like Adderall they can be sold for cash, enabling the child to have money to buy other drugs. So keep these under guard and watch as they take them. I don't really have good ideas for dealing with mental health issues--am still trying to cope and it is very difficult. Websites are full of anodyne suggestions for therapy etc., but you will be extremely fortunate if somehow you stumble on something effective. Many therapists and psychiatrists really don't seem that interested in getting your child better and out of therapy; in fact many are all too tolerant of drug use, particularly pot.

And adolescent residential treatment centers, like drug rehab places, tend to be very one size fits all. In fact almost all the places that claim to be dual diagnosis (mental +drug issues) don't address mental health problems at all--the prevailing theory is that the mental health problems are all drug related. I can't tell yo how many times I've been told I should really look into a certain rehab n Pennsylvania for my daughter--been there and done that. Sent her there and was kicked out after a week for having an anxiety attack they couldn't handle.

Good luck.

Here's a NIDA document that provides some information. I can't link to the work documents I was reviewing, but this has some of the same stuff.

http://www.drugabuse.gov/sites/default/files/preventingdruguse.pdf

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I too am amazed by some of the keep them busy suggestions. #1 factor is are the friends doing it? And yes the friends can have all A's and take APs and tons of extra curriculars and still do drugs.

Of course they can, and any parent who believes they can totally control their children's lives is delusional. That said, idle hands are the devil's playthings, and often it is boredom that leads to some of the behavior.

The problem with this line of thinking is that we've raised a generation of children who don't know how to entertain themselves. We've scheduled them up so much that they don't know what to do when they have down time. They can't keep being overscheduled forever -- at some point they will have empty time on their hands. And they won't know how to handle it. Boredom is a fact of life. All people at some point in their lives experience boredom and it is certainly not the parents' job to keep their children run run running around so they are never ever bored. The inability to know what to do with time makes kids much more vulnerable to drug abuse cause they have to do something to wave the boredom away.

That's got nothing to do with what I have to say. Where am I talking about overscheduling? Do you really think the band geeks were band geeks because their moms said they had to do band? Do you really think that EVERY kid who CHOSE to step up and lead a club, develop a hobby, practice a sports, try out for the lead in a play, chose intensified classes... did this solely because their parents were afraid they would fall to pieces with a minute of down-time? My kid plays three sports (mostly all year round with varying degrees of intensity). I "enable" in that I am willing to pay for lessons and drive. I drew the line at 4. The kid is thriving - he has friends and good grades. He has time to be bored - so terribly bored he suggested we go for a bike ride today, which we did.

Yes, there is a lot to learn from boredom, but plenty of kids of high school age do know how to entertain themselves. I don't know about your high school experience, but in mine there was some room for drug experimentation (with the band geeks and drama kids), but even then my friends and I thought the stoners were boring.

Anonymous wrote:Please provide research that documents parental factors that deter teen drug use and drinking.

Please provide research that parents are relevant.

Until you find your kid doing drugs, you think you are doing the right things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I too am amazed by some of the keep them busy suggestions. #1 factor is are the friends doing it? And yes the friends can have all A's and take APs and tons of extra curriculars and still do drugs.

Of course they can, and any parent who believes they can totally control their children's lives is delusional. That said, idle hands are the devil's playthings, and often it is boredom that leads to some of the behavior.

The problem with this line of thinking is that we've raised a generation of children who don't know how to entertain themselves. We've scheduled them up so much that they don't know what to do when they have down time. They can't keep being overscheduled forever -- at some point they will have empty time on their hands. And they won't know how to handle it. Boredom is a fact of life. All people at some point in their lives experience boredom and it is certainly not the parents' job to keep their children run run running around so they are never ever bored. The inability to know what to do with time makes kids much more vulnerable to drug abuse cause they have to do something to wave the boredom away.

Anonymous wrote:I too am amazed by some of the keep them busy suggestions. #1 factor is are the friends doing it? And yes the friends can have all A's and take APs and tons of extra curriculars and still do drugs.

Of course they can, and any parent who believes they can totally control their children's lives is delusional. That said, idle hands are the devil's playthings, and often it is boredom that leads to some of the behavior.

Please provide research that documents parental factors that deter teen drug use and drinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we really minimize the chances? Can we kill the curiosity to experiment? Can we pick the friends? Can we supervise 24/7? Can we give them no freedom? Can we monitor ever dime they spend?

Of course you can increase the number of protective factors in your adolescent's life. There is very clear research on this. And there is no research at all indicating that there is a universal adolescent desire to experiment with drugs. We do a real disservice to kids if we take the position that drug experimentation and use is inevitable.

Completely agree.

My brother and I are 16 months apart. He's failed out of rehab 6 times in 10 years. When he got into drugs at 14, he didn't have anything going on in his life. He skipped school a lot, didn't do homework, didn't play sports, didn't have a good group of friends. I danced 7 days a week, had competitions, conventions, and special rehearsals. I didn't have time to do anything else and I was always with the same close group of kids, around their parents, around studio faculty. Keep your kids busy.

Anonymous wrote:Can we really minimize the chances? Can we kill the curiosity to experiment? Can we pick the friends? Can we supervise 24/7? Can we give them no freedom? Can we monitor ever dime they spend?

Of course you can increase the number of protective factors in your adolescent's life. There is very clear research on this. And there is no research at all indicating that there is a universal adolescent desire to experiment with drugs. We do a real disservice to kids if we take the position that drug experimentation and use is inevitable.

Can we really minimize the chances? Can we kill the curiosity to experiment? Can we pick the friends? Can we supervise 24/7? Can we give them no freedom? Can we monitor ever dime they spend?

I too am amazed by some of the keep them busy suggestions. #1 factor is are the friends doing it? And yes the friends can have all A's and take APs and tons of extra curriculars and still do drugs.