I haven't read the whole thread, just the first couple of posts. But why does it gave to be a competition? I love my children and I love my husband. Sometimes the kids have to come first because they're young and needy. But over time, they become less so and your priority can slowly shift back to your relationship.

We have a weekly date night. We put tv on for the kids on Sat afternoon so we can have some sexy time. Whether we put them first or ourselves just depends on the circumstances.

Those women who love their kids more are probably bad off their marriages because i cannot love one more than the other as they are my family

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband but I love my daughter more. It is fierce and primal. She is like a part of me.

+1, exactly how I feel. I'd do anything for my kid. If she disappoints me I will still love her and support her. If my husband disappoints for something like cheating, I couldn't ever forgive him. I love them both to the core, but my DD more.

I love my husband but I love my daughter more. It is fierce and primal. She is like a part of me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of guys are ATMs to their wives, but they stay for the kids, regardless of the sexless marriage.

Why do you assume that so many marriages are sexless?

there is no point of sex other than reproduction.

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of guys are ATMs to their wives, but they stay for the kids, regardless of the sexless marriage.

Obviously

Yes

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of guys are ATMs to their wives, but they stay for the kids, regardless of the sexless marriage.

Why do you assume that so many marriages are sexless?

Plenty of guys are ATMs to their wives, but they stay for the kids, regardless of the sexless marriage.

I love my husband more than I love my kids. I am not in love with them. I adore them, of course, but I chose my husband. It is better for them, too, that their parents have a strong and loving marriage. Nothing makes my kids grin more than seeing my DH and I being affectionate with each other. They have a secure family.

Moreover, all the stupid "which would you save first" crap is just that, as I have posted many times on DCUM. Both my DH and I would save our kids first right now, because they are more helpless, and we are more capable of saving ourselves, too. But in 50 years, when I am a very old woman, I would expect my able-bodied kids to save themselves while my DH and I help each other first. See, that question isn't about love - it's about dependence. Stop equating the notion that someone needs you more with the idea that that means you love them more. It is ludicrous.

Anonymous wrote:Resentful husband poster:

I'm sorry you're so down. You sound like you have major issues, though, and I would not be surprised if your wife's behavior is in reaction to your angry, misogynistic attitude. "most" women you met don't love their husbands the same way? Pray tell, how would you know, are you spying? Do they confide in you? (Doubt that!). You just assume?

Honestly, you sound self-centered and petulant. It SCREAMS in your posts. Maybe it is for good reason, but how can we know? My advice: get to a marriage counselor. Maybe he / she will vindicate you, but then again, you may be shocked -- SHOCKED! -- to learn that it is not all your wife's fault. Go into marriage counseling with an open mind about how you and your wife can BOTH work to improve your marriage. Your jealousy of the kids needs to be addressed, though.

I am not jealous of my kids. I love them and i am a good father.
A few months ago when I brought up the lack of affection my wife shows me, she was talking about the kids and how it is a lot easier for her to show affection to the kids, than it is for her to show that to" ......" Then she stopped short of finishing that and changed the subject. And you know what, it didn't even hurt, because that part of me died a long time ago.

My wife obviously wanted a husband in title only

I can honestly say I love my children more. They are and always will be first and loved and cared for more. Don't care about anyone else's opinion but that's that.

I love my son more. After DS was born husband turned off and just vanished! Hard to love being abandoned!

My children need me and their dad. Whatever happens, we both know that our kids are our #1 priorities. We share that priority. We don't get all bent out of shape if we can't go on a date for awhile because circumstances don't allow it, or if a kid is sick and needs a parent at home.

We argue and even fight sometimes to get to what we think is right for our kids. Those arguments can sometimes be the most intense because we feel there's so much on the line. But we also always come to agreement because there's so much on the line.

I dunno. The kids need us now because they're little. That balance will continue to change as they get older, and so my husband and I will have the opportunity to focus more exclusively on each other. No big deal.

I do really love our date nights, though.

Anonymous wrote:Resentful husband poster:

I'm sorry you're so down. You sound like you have major issues, though, and I would not be surprised if your wife's behavior is in reaction to your angry, misogynistic attitude. "most" women you met don't love their husbands the same way? Pray tell, how would you know, are you spying? Do they confide in you? (Doubt that!). You just assume?

Honestly, you sound self-centered and petulant. It SCREAMS in your posts. Maybe it is for good reason, but how can we know? My advice: get to a marriage counselor. Maybe he / she will vindicate you, but then again, you may be shocked -- SHOCKED! -- to learn that it is not all your wife's fault. Go into marriage counseling with an open mind about how you and your wife can BOTH work to improve your marriage. Your jealousy of the kids needs to be addressed, though.

I think he's a good example of how things just don't work when you put your spouse way below your priority list.