Anonymous
09/09/2013 18:02
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
May I throw this out there. I have no idea how your finances are, where you stand, or any of those things.
What if you do put a value on it and get it - assuming he just says ok and moves the money. Do you really want to tell your children that there was a dollar amount attached to your giving birth and caring for them?
Set aside the dynamic between the two parents. The dynamic this is setting in regards to caring for the children going forward is dangerous. "Mom was smarter about money - she paid for my college but Dad bought me a really cool car". Personally I think you are opening a dangerous co-parenting dynamic when you start to place $$ values on everything you do for your children. "I'll take the children to soccer but your going to give me $100" is analogous to what it sounds like you are doing.
What if you do put a value on it and get it - assuming he just says ok and moves the money. Do you really want to tell your children that there was a dollar amount attached to your giving birth and caring for them?
Set aside the dynamic between the two parents. The dynamic this is setting in regards to caring for the children going forward is dangerous. "Mom was smarter about money - she paid for my college but Dad bought me a really cool car". Personally I think you are opening a dangerous co-parenting dynamic when you start to place $$ values on everything you do for your children. "I'll take the children to soccer but your going to give me $100" is analogous to what it sounds like you are doing.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 17:58
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:We also have separate accounts and don't even have a joint account. I don't think it's the separate accounts that are the issue. It's just the sense that you both think about these a lot and are very concerned that you are not on the receiving end. Not that you should be, but caring too much about it is not a good attitude for a marriage. DH and I have no elaborate agreements on who pays for what and somehow it works. We did marry young, though.
Just to add - it would never occur to make a request you made from my DH. I would assume that he would pull his weight somewhere else without me asking, or frankly, even noticing.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 17:55
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
We also have separate accounts and don't even have a joint account. I don't think it's the separate accounts that are the issue. It's just the sense that you both think about these a lot and are very concerned that you are not on the receiving end. Not that you should be, but caring too much about it is not a good attitude for a marriage. DH and I have no elaborate agreements on who pays for what and somehow it works. We did marry young, though.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 17:45
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hi – OP here.
Thanks for your thoughts/insights..
A few of you have asked what I’m trying to accomplish with this. On one hand, I think I’m not sure (hence the post) and on the other hand, I know that I am trying to be cognizant of the fact that I don’t want to unwittingly create resentment by creating a situation where my time or my income (or time or opinions) is less important than his. And this is the first situation in which this dynamic has come to a head.
And let’s just get this out of the way – yes, money is not the most important thing in life. Yes, marriage will require that we each give what we can to benefit the family and it may not always be able to be equal (if I could figure out how to get him to do half the breastfeeding, I would!). Yes, we will both make immeasurable sacrifices throughout the course of our marriage. Yes, marriage is not a business transaction. Yes, I very much value the time I got to spend with our child.
So anyway…
On the topic of non-shared accounts – I’m surprised so many people find it odd. What we were doing as individuals before we got married worked for us so we stuck with it. We both enjoy managing money and have slightly different approaches to it. Keeping our own accounts allows us to both feel in control of our financial future – in a way which we are comfortable. We have never once fought about money in 5 years (how many with a joint account can say that?). This maternity-leave situation is more of an intellectual discussion than an argument for us. He already said he’d transfer the money if I wanted him to and I already said that I was fine with not doing it if it bothered him. It’s more of the principle of the situation that I think is important/interesting/worth discussing and I am trying to make peace with in my own mind.
I do think the word “reimburse” has thrown people. I think of it more as shared sacrifice.
So on the topic of what I’m trying to accomplish…I recently read the follow up piece to the “Opt Out Generation” in the NY Times Magazine ” and it seemed to me that what really bothered a lot of these women 10 years down the road (after opting out of high paying professions) was the subtle inequality that crept into their marriages. A few articulated that their time/intellect/talents/opinions started to feel less important when they began to have a significantly lower income than their partner. I also read “Lean In” which warned against stopping taking on new opportunities at work because of childcare responsibilities. My husband took a new, very demanding job which he loves while I was pregnant (no pay bump) and therefore could not take paternity leave. I also have a demanding job but was able to take some leave so I did it. But while I was out on maternity leave I was offered a new opportunity that would be a bump for me but also a significant amount of more work that would take me away from home. My husband was strongly against me taking this new position for this reason which struck me as a bit unfair given his current employment status. In this situation, I don’t want the job because I don’t want to be away from home that much – but what if I did?
I think the crux of my question is how does one maintain equality in a marriage when child-rearing tends to demand (physically, socially, economically) so much more from women?
DW and I have non-shared accounts but I still think you're way off base and sound quite entitled. You sound like you're all about you and your dollars rather than you and your family.
Actually, I would describe OP's DH this way.
PP Here .... yes, I see your point, actually it sounds like a shared issue, the counseling idea is a good idea.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 17:32
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Not crazy but it would awkward to have DH write you a check. Could you just calculate the cost into an equivalent amount of childcare and have his cover the first several months of childcare until you're even? You can split the cost going forward. That might be less weird.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 17:16
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
You knew that as a woman there would be inequality when you chose to get pregnant. Only women can bear children, only women can breastfeed. Due to these factors it is common that women stay home at least initially due to healing the dependence of the infant on them for nourishment. You knew you would be giving up income initially to have a child. Not factoring that in or not having thought of it doesn't make sense. When you were arranging mat leave, you knew your income would drop for that time. On the flip side there is also inequality for the man who does not get that bonding time or time with their child that the mother gets.
And your husband may have been against it but you could have chosen to take the more demanding job opportunity. You chose again not to - your choice. You could have hired more childcare to cover the long hours you were both gone. Seeing as equality in careers and money seems to be the driving force for you and the main area you are prioritizing and concerned about, then make the decisions that meet those goals. You can't have everything - you can't want more time with your child but also a more demanding job with higher pay - one comes at a cost to the other. Your husband chose the job and money over time at home - you can choose the same.
And your husband may have been against it but you could have chosen to take the more demanding job opportunity. You chose again not to - your choice. You could have hired more childcare to cover the long hours you were both gone. Seeing as equality in careers and money seems to be the driving force for you and the main area you are prioritizing and concerned about, then make the decisions that meet those goals. You can't have everything - you can't want more time with your child but also a more demanding job with higher pay - one comes at a cost to the other. Your husband chose the job and money over time at home - you can choose the same.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 17:02
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
I agree with the previous poster about striving for overall balance but history shows that child-rearing and the economic/physical/social consequences of it fall more heavily on women. So unless they are vigilant about the inequality and create shared sacrifices when they easily can (like this situation), then how can they ward against that?
Anonymous
09/09/2013 16:52
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Hi – OP here.
Thanks for your thoughts/insights..
A few of you have asked what I’m trying to accomplish with this. On one hand, I think I’m not sure (hence the post) and on the other hand, I know that I am trying to be cognizant of the fact that I don’t want to unwittingly create resentment by creating a situation where my time or my income (or time or opinions) is less important than his. And this is the first situation in which this dynamic has come to a head.
And let’s just get this out of the way – yes, money is not the most important thing in life. Yes, marriage will require that we each give what we can to benefit the family and it may not always be able to be equal (if I could figure out how to get him to do half the breastfeeding, I would!). Yes, we will both make immeasurable sacrifices throughout the course of our marriage. Yes, marriage is not a business transaction. Yes, I very much value the time I got to spend with our child.
So anyway…
On the topic of non-shared accounts – I’m surprised so many people find it odd. What we were doing as individuals before we got married worked for us so we stuck with it. We both enjoy managing money and have slightly different approaches to it. Keeping our own accounts allows us to both feel in control of our financial future – in a way which we are comfortable. We have never once fought about money in 5 years (how many with a joint account can say that?). This maternity-leave situation is more of an intellectual discussion than an argument for us. He already said he’d transfer the money if I wanted him to and I already said that I was fine with not doing it if it bothered him. It’s more of the principle of the situation that I think is important/interesting/worth discussing and I am trying to make peace with in my own mind.
I do think the word “reimburse” has thrown people. I think of it more as shared sacrifice.
So on the topic of what I’m trying to accomplish…I recently read the follow up piece to the “Opt Out Generation” in the NY Times Magazine ” and it seemed to me that what really bothered a lot of these women 10 years down the road (after opting out of high paying professions) was the subtle inequality that crept into their marriages. A few articulated that their time/intellect/talents/opinions started to feel less important when they began to have a significantly lower income than their partner. I also read “Lean In” which warned against stopping taking on new opportunities at work because of childcare responsibilities. My husband took a new, very demanding job which he loves while I was pregnant (no pay bump) and therefore could not take paternity leave. I also have a demanding job but was able to take some leave so I did it. But while I was out on maternity leave I was offered a new opportunity that would be a bump for me but also a significant amount of more work that would take me away from home. My husband was strongly against me taking this new position for this reason which struck me as a bit unfair given his current employment status. In this situation, I don’t want the job because I don’t want to be away from home that much – but what if I did?
I think the crux of my question is how does one maintain equality in a marriage when child-rearing tends to demand (physically, socially, economically) so much more from women?
You made this about money. It is not. Your concern is broader than that. You are talking about marital imbalance. "Shared sacrifice" takes many forms and the balancing sacrifices may not be concurrent. It is NOT always equal and that should not be the goal. There will be times when each of you is sacrificing more - albeit in a different way. You should strive for OVERALL balance and equality not a snapshot.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 16:29
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
He's going to live 5 years less than you. It's not fair. Are you going to compensate him for that.
Also, are you going to compensate him for the opportunity cost he incurs spending time with you instead of someone who loves him regardless of money?
Also, are you going to compensate him for the opportunity cost he incurs spending time with you instead of someone who loves him regardless of money?
Anonymous
09/09/2013 15:58
Subject: Re:I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Sorry, NP here who is coming in late to the game. We also married later in life and we just kept the accounts that we had. We did get one more joint account at my credit union which we keep the bulk of our savings in, but we each get our direct deposit to our own accounts and just transfer money to and from the joint account to make sure bills are paid. We share all money, so we don't have nearly as much bean-counting as you seem to have. The money moves pretty regularly and smoothly between all three accounts and about once/quarter we discuss how much money should be in each of the accounts (so that we each have some flexibility in spending).
Once suggestion that I have, rather than having him "pay you" or "reimburse you" for the time you took off, why don't you have him pay for the equivalent amount of baby expenses. For example, when our twins were born, we ended up with a few thousand dollars of hospital expenses, plus various tests. Then we had a bunch of post-birth expenses ranging from equipment that we needed to buy (swings, bouncey seats, etc) that we didn't get from shower gifts, to food (for various reasons, our children were FF and the reflux twin had to have a very expensive formula). So, make him pay X amount of baby expenses to compensate for the time you put in. You contributed time for childcare and he contributes child food and supplies. And both of you will have contributed to the early stages of infant care for your child.
As for your other question about equality in the long run, what you need to do is make sure to jointly decide the things that will affect both jobs, retirement, careers, etc. Don't bean count to the dollar, but make sure that you note in the discussion of your work status, that you made the sacrifice for him to take on the new work opportunity and that at some point, he will need to make a sacrifice to ensure that you can take advantage of new work opportunities. You can agree that this one isn't the right time to take that opportunity because he is essentially still in the probation period of his new work responsibility, but that the next time an opportunity comes along that will benefit your career, that he should be open to making a sacrifice to help make it happen. But the issue that I have with many of these discussions is that instead of fighting for balance over the long run, many argue for balance in the short run which may not be healthy for the marriage and family.
Once suggestion that I have, rather than having him "pay you" or "reimburse you" for the time you took off, why don't you have him pay for the equivalent amount of baby expenses. For example, when our twins were born, we ended up with a few thousand dollars of hospital expenses, plus various tests. Then we had a bunch of post-birth expenses ranging from equipment that we needed to buy (swings, bouncey seats, etc) that we didn't get from shower gifts, to food (for various reasons, our children were FF and the reflux twin had to have a very expensive formula). So, make him pay X amount of baby expenses to compensate for the time you put in. You contributed time for childcare and he contributes child food and supplies. And both of you will have contributed to the early stages of infant care for your child.
As for your other question about equality in the long run, what you need to do is make sure to jointly decide the things that will affect both jobs, retirement, careers, etc. Don't bean count to the dollar, but make sure that you note in the discussion of your work status, that you made the sacrifice for him to take on the new work opportunity and that at some point, he will need to make a sacrifice to ensure that you can take advantage of new work opportunities. You can agree that this one isn't the right time to take that opportunity because he is essentially still in the probation period of his new work responsibility, but that the next time an opportunity comes along that will benefit your career, that he should be open to making a sacrifice to help make it happen. But the issue that I have with many of these discussions is that instead of fighting for balance over the long run, many argue for balance in the short run which may not be healthy for the marriage and family.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 15:58
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hi – OP here.
Thanks for your thoughts/insights..
A few of you have asked what I’m trying to accomplish with this. On one hand, I think I’m not sure (hence the post) and on the other hand, I know that I am trying to be cognizant of the fact that I don’t want to unwittingly create resentment by creating a situation where my time or my income (or time or opinions) is less important than his. And this is the first situation in which this dynamic has come to a head.
And let’s just get this out of the way – yes, money is not the most important thing in life. Yes, marriage will require that we each give what we can to benefit the family and it may not always be able to be equal (if I could figure out how to get him to do half the breastfeeding, I would!). Yes, we will both make immeasurable sacrifices throughout the course of our marriage. Yes, marriage is not a business transaction. Yes, I very much value the time I got to spend with our child.
So anyway…
On the topic of non-shared accounts – I’m surprised so many people find it odd. What we were doing as individuals before we got married worked for us so we stuck with it. We both enjoy managing money and have slightly different approaches to it. Keeping our own accounts allows us to both feel in control of our financial future – in a way which we are comfortable. We have never once fought about money in 5 years (how many with a joint account can say that?). This maternity-leave situation is more of an intellectual discussion than an argument for us. He already said he’d transfer the money if I wanted him to and I already said that I was fine with not doing it if it bothered him. It’s more of the principle of the situation that I think is important/interesting/worth discussing and I am trying to make peace with in my own mind.
I do think the word “reimburse” has thrown people. I think of it more as shared sacrifice.
So on the topic of what I’m trying to accomplish…I recently read the follow up piece to the “Opt Out Generation” in the NY Times Magazine ” and it seemed to me that what really bothered a lot of these women 10 years down the road (after opting out of high paying professions) was the subtle inequality that crept into their marriages. A few articulated that their time/intellect/talents/opinions started to feel less important when they began to have a significantly lower income than their partner. I also read “Lean In” which warned against stopping taking on new opportunities at work because of childcare responsibilities. My husband took a new, very demanding job which he loves while I was pregnant (no pay bump) and therefore could not take paternity leave. I also have a demanding job but was able to take some leave so I did it. But while I was out on maternity leave I was offered a new opportunity that would be a bump for me but also a significant amount of more work that would take me away from home. My husband was strongly against me taking this new position for this reason which struck me as a bit unfair given his current employment status. In this situation, I don’t want the job because I don’t want to be away from home that much – but what if I did?
I think the crux of my question is how does one maintain equality in a marriage when child-rearing tends to demand (physically, socially, economically) so much more from women?
DW and I have non-shared accounts but I still think you're way off base and sound quite entitled. You sound like you're all about you and your dollars rather than you and your family.
Actually, I would describe OP's DH this way.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 15:52
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Hi – OP here.
Thanks for your thoughts/insights..
A few of you have asked what I’m trying to accomplish with this. On one hand, I think I’m not sure (hence the post) and on the other hand, I know that I am trying to be cognizant of the fact that I don’t want to unwittingly create resentment by creating a situation where my time or my income (or time or opinions) is less important than his. And this is the first situation in which this dynamic has come to a head.
And let’s just get this out of the way – yes, money is not the most important thing in life. Yes, marriage will require that we each give what we can to benefit the family and it may not always be able to be equal (if I could figure out how to get him to do half the breastfeeding, I would!). Yes, we will both make immeasurable sacrifices throughout the course of our marriage. Yes, marriage is not a business transaction. Yes, I very much value the time I got to spend with our child.
So anyway…
On the topic of non-shared accounts – I’m surprised so many people find it odd. What we were doing as individuals before we got married worked for us so we stuck with it. We both enjoy managing money and have slightly different approaches to it. Keeping our own accounts allows us to both feel in control of our financial future – in a way which we are comfortable. We have never once fought about money in 5 years (how many with a joint account can say that?). This maternity-leave situation is more of an intellectual discussion than an argument for us. He already said he’d transfer the money if I wanted him to and I already said that I was fine with not doing it if it bothered him. It’s more of the principle of the situation that I think is important/interesting/worth discussing and I am trying to make peace with in my own mind.
I do think the word “reimburse” has thrown people. I think of it more as shared sacrifice.
So on the topic of what I’m trying to accomplish…I recently read the follow up piece to the “Opt Out Generation” in the NY Times Magazine ” and it seemed to me that what really bothered a lot of these women 10 years down the road (after opting out of high paying professions) was the subtle inequality that crept into their marriages. A few articulated that their time/intellect/talents/opinions started to feel less important when they began to have a significantly lower income than their partner. I also read “Lean In” which warned against stopping taking on new opportunities at work because of childcare responsibilities. My husband took a new, very demanding job which he loves while I was pregnant (no pay bump) and therefore could not take paternity leave. I also have a demanding job but was able to take some leave so I did it. But while I was out on maternity leave I was offered a new opportunity that would be a bump for me but also a significant amount of more work that would take me away from home. My husband was strongly against me taking this new position for this reason which struck me as a bit unfair given his current employment status. In this situation, I don’t want the job because I don’t want to be away from home that much – but what if I did?
I think the crux of my question is how does one maintain equality in a marriage when child-rearing tends to demand (physically, socially, economically) so much more from women?
DW and I have non-shared accounts but I still think you're way off base and sound quite entitled. You sound like you're all about you and your dollars rather than you and your family.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 15:43
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
OP again -
Sorry, another question was what he paid for during my leave. He took on a larger share the incidentals (used his credit card while we were out and about and traveling) but that came no where close to my lost wages. We continued to split the large household costs as they are set up to come out of our individual accounts at equal rates.
Another question was why I didn't set this up ahead of time. The answer is that I didn't think about it. Or if I did, I was too busy preparing for the baby to worry about it. Again, this is more of an intellectual question for me at this point. The answer to the question "Should he?" is more important to me than the answer to the question "Did he?".
Sorry, another question was what he paid for during my leave. He took on a larger share the incidentals (used his credit card while we were out and about and traveling) but that came no where close to my lost wages. We continued to split the large household costs as they are set up to come out of our individual accounts at equal rates.
Another question was why I didn't set this up ahead of time. The answer is that I didn't think about it. Or if I did, I was too busy preparing for the baby to worry about it. Again, this is more of an intellectual question for me at this point. The answer to the question "Should he?" is more important to me than the answer to the question "Did he?".
Anonymous
09/09/2013 15:27
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Hi – OP here.
Thanks for your thoughts/insights..
A few of you have asked what I’m trying to accomplish with this. On one hand, I think I’m not sure (hence the post) and on the other hand, I know that I am trying to be cognizant of the fact that I don’t want to unwittingly create resentment by creating a situation where my time or my income (or time or opinions) is less important than his. And this is the first situation in which this dynamic has come to a head.
And let’s just get this out of the way – yes, money is not the most important thing in life. Yes, marriage will require that we each give what we can to benefit the family and it may not always be able to be equal (if I could figure out how to get him to do half the breastfeeding, I would!). Yes, we will both make immeasurable sacrifices throughout the course of our marriage. Yes, marriage is not a business transaction. Yes, I very much value the time I got to spend with our child.
So anyway…
On the topic of non-shared accounts – I’m surprised so many people find it odd. What we were doing as individuals before we got married worked for us so we stuck with it. We both enjoy managing money and have slightly different approaches to it. Keeping our own accounts allows us to both feel in control of our financial future – in a way which we are comfortable. We have never once fought about money in 5 years (how many with a joint account can say that?). This maternity-leave situation is more of an intellectual discussion than an argument for us. He already said he’d transfer the money if I wanted him to and I already said that I was fine with not doing it if it bothered him. It’s more of the principle of the situation that I think is important/interesting/worth discussing and I am trying to make peace with in my own mind.
I do think the word “reimburse” has thrown people. I think of it more as shared sacrifice.
So on the topic of what I’m trying to accomplish…I recently read the follow up piece to the “Opt Out Generation” in the NY Times Magazine ” and it seemed to me that what really bothered a lot of these women 10 years down the road (after opting out of high paying professions) was the subtle inequality that crept into their marriages. A few articulated that their time/intellect/talents/opinions started to feel less important when they began to have a significantly lower income than their partner. I also read “Lean In” which warned against stopping taking on new opportunities at work because of childcare responsibilities. My husband took a new, very demanding job which he loves while I was pregnant (no pay bump) and therefore could not take paternity leave. I also have a demanding job but was able to take some leave so I did it. But while I was out on maternity leave I was offered a new opportunity that would be a bump for me but also a significant amount of more work that would take me away from home. My husband was strongly against me taking this new position for this reason which struck me as a bit unfair given his current employment status. In this situation, I don’t want the job because I don’t want to be away from home that much – but what if I did?
I think the crux of my question is how does one maintain equality in a marriage when child-rearing tends to demand (physically, socially, economically) so much more from women?
Thanks for your thoughts/insights..
A few of you have asked what I’m trying to accomplish with this. On one hand, I think I’m not sure (hence the post) and on the other hand, I know that I am trying to be cognizant of the fact that I don’t want to unwittingly create resentment by creating a situation where my time or my income (or time or opinions) is less important than his. And this is the first situation in which this dynamic has come to a head.
And let’s just get this out of the way – yes, money is not the most important thing in life. Yes, marriage will require that we each give what we can to benefit the family and it may not always be able to be equal (if I could figure out how to get him to do half the breastfeeding, I would!). Yes, we will both make immeasurable sacrifices throughout the course of our marriage. Yes, marriage is not a business transaction. Yes, I very much value the time I got to spend with our child.
So anyway…
On the topic of non-shared accounts – I’m surprised so many people find it odd. What we were doing as individuals before we got married worked for us so we stuck with it. We both enjoy managing money and have slightly different approaches to it. Keeping our own accounts allows us to both feel in control of our financial future – in a way which we are comfortable. We have never once fought about money in 5 years (how many with a joint account can say that?). This maternity-leave situation is more of an intellectual discussion than an argument for us. He already said he’d transfer the money if I wanted him to and I already said that I was fine with not doing it if it bothered him. It’s more of the principle of the situation that I think is important/interesting/worth discussing and I am trying to make peace with in my own mind.
I do think the word “reimburse” has thrown people. I think of it more as shared sacrifice.
So on the topic of what I’m trying to accomplish…I recently read the follow up piece to the “Opt Out Generation” in the NY Times Magazine ” and it seemed to me that what really bothered a lot of these women 10 years down the road (after opting out of high paying professions) was the subtle inequality that crept into their marriages. A few articulated that their time/intellect/talents/opinions started to feel less important when they began to have a significantly lower income than their partner. I also read “Lean In” which warned against stopping taking on new opportunities at work because of childcare responsibilities. My husband took a new, very demanding job which he loves while I was pregnant (no pay bump) and therefore could not take paternity leave. I also have a demanding job but was able to take some leave so I did it. But while I was out on maternity leave I was offered a new opportunity that would be a bump for me but also a significant amount of more work that would take me away from home. My husband was strongly against me taking this new position for this reason which struck me as a bit unfair given his current employment status. In this situation, I don’t want the job because I don’t want to be away from home that much – but what if I did?
I think the crux of my question is how does one maintain equality in a marriage when child-rearing tends to demand (physically, socially, economically) so much more from women?
Anonymous
09/09/2013 13:50
Subject: I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave
Get into counseling, stat. Raising kids is full of all kinds of unfairness. If you can't understand that, you are headed towards divorce.