Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back here 14:43. Your nonsense is also not warranted toward the first PP, because, as was pointed out, you are making a lot of assumptions that most likely aren't true. Your judgmental nature is certainly showing through however. If this equates to "mature adult" in your world, well, I can't help you.

OP, your child is four. Sounds like he's your first, too. You have no idea how the world will have changed in the next 10 years. I'm just saying that:
1, no a parent cannot serve the function of a friend;
2, there are some things teens just aren't ready for (frankly it's better put off til college when they've matured just a little bit more);
3, mixed messages serve you ill -- and letting teens sleep over whilst hoping they'll use protection and have safe, happy outcomes definitely sends a naive mixed message;
4, on a wide-open anonymous forum like DCUM, people are going to be called out for their nonsense rather quickly;
5, however adult you claim this discussion to be, I hear a whole lot of denial coming from several directions;
6, all caps "shouting" belies insecurity in an opinion, rather than firm resolve.

Thanks for the lecture, grandma. I capped one word to emphasize it. You're projecting.

If I'm projecting, why do you feel the need for name calling? How old are you? 6 or 56?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back here 14:43. Your nonsense is also not warranted toward the first PP, because, as was pointed out, you are making a lot of assumptions that most likely aren't true. Your judgmental nature is certainly showing through however. If this equates to "mature adult" in your world, well, I can't help you.

OP, your child is four. Sounds like he's your first, too. You have no idea how the world will have changed in the next 10 years. I'm just saying that:
1, no a parent cannot serve the function of a friend;
2, there are some things teens just aren't ready for (frankly it's better put off til college when they've matured just a little bit more);
3, mixed messages serve you ill -- and letting teens sleep over whilst hoping they'll use protection and have safe, happy outcomes definitely sends a naive mixed message;
4, on a wide-open anonymous forum like DCUM, people are going to be called out for their nonsense rather quickly;
5, however adult you claim this discussion to be, I hear a whole lot of denial coming from several directions;
6, all caps "shouting" belies insecurity in an opinion, rather than firm resolve.

Basic developmental biology/psychology is not going to undergo a complete revolution in 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents thing was "no sex before you're ready." Marriage wasn't even a factor. If I was capable of asking them directly for birth control, could tell them how I was protecting myself, knew who my partner would be, they didn't care. My boyfriend spent the night probably half the week all through my junior and senior years of high school. I saw him at a funeral last summer and it was a pleasant run-in. I think I was better prepared for what happened in college because I had a stable relationship that included sex and everything that comes with it before I got there.

OP here. What did your boyfriend's parents think? Did you parents ever talk to the BF about the sleepover situation? Or did his parents talk with the two of you? Curious how all four parents handled the situation.

His parents were on the same page. It wasn't unheard of for us to sleep at his parents house. I didn't have siblings at home so we had more free space at my house, so we hung out there. My parents never really addressed the sleep over situation. All of our parents talked one time that I overheard (no, they didn't know each other before we got together) and it wasn't an issue. They also discussed what happens if we showed up drunk from a party. I think there's a lot more open minded people around than you would assume.

I should also add that I think the decision to allow the sleepovers should really depend on your child's maturity. It is in no way for everybody. I had been dating my boyfriend for a year, he was around the house all the time, did family things with us. It was clearly not just a random guy I was talking to for a couple weeks.

Interesting, thanks for sharing. Do you mind if I ask where you grew up (i.e. what city and/or state)?

Anonymous wrote:No way I'd ever openly allow teenagers to have sex in our home. I realize that then this will make them go elsewhere (like I did), but I'd hope that my ongoing, casual chats about sexuality will make my children realize the huge responsibility that is part of being sexually active (emotional issues, STDs, pregnancy, birth control, intimacy...) and should they choose to be sexually active at a young age, they'll take precautions and be able to frankly discuss their decisions with one another.

I feel strongly that I have to take a moral high ground and not allow such boundaries to be crossed.

Curious to know, since you clearly had sex somewhere as a kid, whether or not you were aware of the responsibility, birth control, STD's and all that? There seems to be an assumption that all teens having sex are clueless about these things, which was not my experience growing up. Although I will say that there was a strong correlation between the girls I knew who had sex too early (before they were emotionally ready) and parents who were very strict about those things and not open to frank discussions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents thing was "no sex before you're ready." Marriage wasn't even a factor. If I was capable of asking them directly for birth control, could tell them how I was protecting myself, knew who my partner would be, they didn't care. My boyfriend spent the night probably half the week all through my junior and senior years of high school. I saw him at a funeral last summer and it was a pleasant run-in. I think I was better prepared for what happened in college because I had a stable relationship that included sex and everything that comes with it before I got there.

OP here. What did your boyfriend's parents think? Did you parents ever talk to the BF about the sleepover situation? Or did his parents talk with the two of you? Curious how all four parents handled the situation.

His parents were on the same page. It wasn't unheard of for us to sleep at his parents house. I didn't have siblings at home so we had more free space at my house, so we hung out there. My parents never really addressed the sleep over situation. All of our parents talked one time that I overheard (no, they didn't know each other before we got together) and it wasn't an issue. They also discussed what happens if we showed up drunk from a party. I think there's a lot more open minded people around than you would assume.

I should also add that I think the decision to allow the sleepovers should really depend on your child's maturity. It is in no way for everybody. I had been dating my boyfriend for a year, he was around the house all the time, did family things with us. It was clearly not just a random guy I was talking to for a couple weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents thing was "no sex before you're ready." Marriage wasn't even a factor. If I was capable of asking them directly for birth control, could tell them how I was protecting myself, knew who my partner would be, they didn't care. My boyfriend spent the night probably half the week all through my junior and senior years of high school. I saw him at a funeral last summer and it was a pleasant run-in. I think I was better prepared for what happened in college because I had a stable relationship that included sex and everything that comes with it before I got there.

OP here. What did your boyfriend's parents think? Did you parents ever talk to the BF about the sleepover situation? Or did his parents talk with the two of you? Curious how all four parents handled the situation.

His parents were on the same page. It wasn't unheard of for us to sleep at his parents house. I didn't have siblings at home so we had more free space at my house, so we hung out there. My parents never really addressed the sleep over situation. All of our parents talked one time that I overheard (no, they didn't know each other before we got together) and it wasn't an issue. They also discussed what happens if we showed up drunk from a party. I think there's a lot more open minded people around than you would assume.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back here 14:43. Your nonsense is also not warranted toward the first PP, because, as was pointed out, you are making a lot of assumptions that most likely aren't true. Your judgmental nature is certainly showing through however. If this equates to "mature adult" in your world, well, I can't help you.

OP, your child is four. Sounds like he's your first, too. You have no idea how the world will have changed in the next 10 years. I'm just saying that:
1, no a parent cannot serve the function of a friend;
2, there are some things teens just aren't ready for (frankly it's better put off til college when they've matured just a little bit more);
3, mixed messages serve you ill -- and letting teens sleep over whilst hoping they'll use protection and have safe, happy outcomes definitely sends a naive mixed message;
4, on a wide-open anonymous forum like DCUM, people are going to be called out for their nonsense rather quickly;
5, however adult you claim this discussion to be, I hear a whole lot of denial coming from several directions;
6, all caps "shouting" belies insecurity in an opinion, rather than firm resolve.

Thanks for the lecture, grandma. I capped one word to emphasize it. You're projecting.

Anonymous wrote:Don't forget statutory rape laws

Yup, you don't want to be a party to statutory rape if your son has sex with someone under the age allowed. And you don't want your son to have sex offender status either

Anonymous wrote:OP back here 14:43. Your nonsense is also not warranted toward the first PP, because, as was pointed out, you are making a lot of assumptions that most likely aren't true. Your judgmental nature is certainly showing through however. If this equates to "mature adult" in your world, well, I can't help you.

OP, your child is four. Sounds like he's your first, too. You have no idea how the world will have changed in the next 10 years. I'm just saying that:
1, no a parent cannot serve the function of a friend;
2, there are some things teens just aren't ready for (frankly it's better put off til college when they've matured just a little bit more);
3, mixed messages serve you ill -- and letting teens sleep over whilst hoping they'll use protection and have safe, happy outcomes definitely sends a naive mixed message;
4, on a wide-open anonymous forum like DCUM, people are going to be called out for their nonsense rather quickly;
5, however adult you claim this discussion to be, I hear a whole lot of denial coming from several directions;
6, all caps "shouting" belies insecurity in an opinion, rather than firm resolve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'm the kid's parent. And part of being a parent is talking to the kid about sex.

Well, yes. Your job as a parent is to discuss the birds and the bees, STDs, birth control and your own moral values w/regard to sex. You don't actually actively critique their sex life - "Tee, hee. I heard you kids really getting it on last night. You goofballs really need to keep that racket down." no, No, NO - so NOT parental territory. Boundary alarm bells are really going off...

Actually, I was thinking more like, "By the way, you and friend should probably be quieter in future. Now, what's your schedule for Sunday?"

No way I'd ever openly allow teenagers to have sex in our home. I realize that then this will make them go elsewhere (like I did), but I'd hope that my ongoing, casual chats about sexuality will make my children realize the huge responsibility that is part of being sexually active (emotional issues, STDs, pregnancy, birth control, intimacy...) and should they choose to be sexually active at a young age, they'll take precautions and be able to frankly discuss their decisions with one another.

I feel strongly that I have to take a moral high ground and not allow such boundaries to be crossed.

I had sex when I was an older teen and I obtained my own birth control, I didn't ask my parents to get it for me. But maybe that was because I was actually mature enough to have and handle sex?

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'm the kid's parent. And part of being a parent is talking to the kid about sex.

Well, yes. Your job as a parent is to discuss the birds and the bees, STDs, birth control and your own moral values w/regard to sex. You don't actually actively critique their sex life - "Tee, hee. I heard you kids really getting it on last night. You goofballs really need to keep that racket down." no, No, NO - so NOT parental territory. Boundary alarm bells are really going off...

I was raised in a home that was very "no sex before marriage."

My stepmother would leave abstinence pamphlets out on the counters.

I had (extremely hidden) sex at 16 years old. I'm very happily married to the same person I slept with at 16 years old- my one and only.

All this is to say that you're dreaming if you think you know what will happen with your kid (to the 'no sex' mom). You can preach all you want and hope all you want. I'd pledged my virginity at a youth conference or whatever the year before. Well, love and hormones gets 'ya every time

I have boys, but I will be open and honest with them about sex. They will be informed and prepared. I won't roll out a red carpet for them to do it in my home, but I won't be dramatic or harpy about it either. I do believe I'd like them to be 17 or so before they are active. Ideally 18+

We'll see...

Anonymous wrote:My parents thing was "no sex before you're ready." Marriage wasn't even a factor. If I was capable of asking them directly for birth control, could tell them how I was protecting myself, knew who my partner would be, they didn't care. My boyfriend spent the night probably half the week all through my junior and senior years of high school. I saw him at a funeral last summer and it was a pleasant run-in. I think I was better prepared for what happened in college because I had a stable relationship that included sex and everything that comes with it before I got there.

OP here. What did your boyfriend's parents think? Did you parents ever talk to the BF about the sleepover situation? Or did his parents talk with the two of you? Curious how all four parents handled the situation.