PP here re: the kitchen cut. We know nothing about hair, nor do we pretend to. Yes, we have cut the hair crooked. We just cut until it is straight. We are saving money, not stupid. Just like not all poor people are stupid, right? Surely there are some that can do for themselves and figure things out, right? You can't buy your way out of everything.

You can buy a good defense lawyer, but that's about it. I suppose that is very different than the day to day. But I feel that poor people have a very narrow perspective. When I was poor, I thought money buys everything. Then I grew up.

As for the private school idea. The people I am thinking of afford a well to do suburb, own a house, have professional degrees, and feel they are poor because they can't keep up with the Joneses. One of these "problems" is affording private school where the public school is well above average. What they consider "problems", proves they have no idea.

I think some people get lost in the idea that if they don't have what the next guy has, they must be poor. Or at least feel a huge divide. What they do not realize is the divide is created by them and them only.

I grew up poor, so I know too well what it is to grow up with a non-working toilet, for example. Or no food. The basics. Hardly the same as affording private school in an outstanding public school area.

Anonymous wrote:"Shoes never fit well. I was never well-groomed. I didn't get nice haircuts, didn't wash my hair every day and it was always oily. My clothes always old, worn, and dirty. I was not a popular girl at school. No female hygiene products - we used cotton and cloths. "

Ditto. I died a thousand deaths every time I opened the nearly empty medicine chest, no toothpaste, no soap, no toilet paper, no Q-Tips. One toothbrush for the whole family. Rarely going to the doctor or the dentist.

Never had anything to treat my terrible acne. No clean towels. No laundry detergent and no money for the laundromat. The want and hopelessness goes on and on, for years.

I wasn't permitted to attend kindergarten because I was needed at home to help with the little ones.

I was considered "slow" because I rarely answered when spoken to. In second grade, the school arranged to have my hearing tested, and it was discovered that I was totally
deaf in one ear and 60 per cent deaf in the other ear.

My seat was changed to be closer to the teacher. I then became a straight A student.

My parents did nothing, as usual.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. So wrong for any child to have to live like that. Thank you for sharing.

"Shoes never fit well. I was never well-groomed. I didn't get nice haircuts, didn't wash my hair every day and it was always oily. My clothes always old, worn, and dirty. I was not a popular girl at school. No female hygiene products - we used cotton and cloths. "

Ditto. I died a thousand deaths every time I opened the nearly empty medicine chest, no toothpaste, no soap, no toilet paper, no Q-Tips. One toothbrush for the whole family. Rarely going to the doctor or the dentist.

Never had anything to treat my terrible acne. No clean towels. No laundry detergent and no money for the laundromat. The want and hopelessness goes on and on, for years.

I wasn't permitted to attend kindergarten because I was needed at home to help with the little ones.

I was considered "slow" because I rarely answered when spoken to. In second grade, the school arranged to have my hearing tested, and it was discovered that I was totally
deaf in one ear and 60 per cent deaf in the other ear.

My seat was changed to be closer to the teacher. I then became a straight A student.

My parents did nothing, as usual.

Anonymous wrote:We are wealthy and cut our kids hair in the kitchen all the time!

I like the optometrist idea.

I know people who cry poor, yet insist on going to private school on scholarship. People where I am from would not have thought to even try such a thing. Hence the confusion and apprehension.

To try what such thing? Do you mean that poor people shouldn't try to get a scholarship to a private school? Or what?

I am glad you are wealthy and cut your own hair. Presumably if you do a bad job, you can get it corrected at a hair salon. Not much risk to that. And maybe you are good at cutting hair.

But if you are poor and your mom cuts your hair in the kitchen and uses dull scissors, there is no hair salon visit to correct the bad haircut. Your hair just grows out crooked until your next (crooked) haircut by mom.
and you get teased, or ignored, by the other girls who have nice haircuts. A kitchen cut is not a great thing for a lot of teen girls.

We are wealthy and cut our kids hair in the kitchen all the time!

I like the optometrist idea.

I know people who cry poor, yet insist on going to private school on scholarship. People where I am from would not have thought to even try such a thing. Hence the confusion and apprehension.

When you are poor:

You wear shoes that don't fit. They are always too big because it was all that was at the salvation army on the day your mom went. Then you trip and stumble during gym class because your shoes don't fit. Then the other kids think you are clumsy and you start to think so too.

You don't have a snack with you for morning snack at school. So you tell the teacher that you don't bring a snack because you always have a large breakfast at home. This is a lie, because there is NO breakfast at home. So your first meal is the school lunch.

The school nurse sends home alot of notes to your parents saying that she has tested your eyes and you can't see. The notes get thrown out . You learn to go up to the chalkboard during recess to see what is written there because you can never see the board.

If anyone wants to help the poor kids in your local public school:

Buy snow pants and boots and mittens and give them to the elementary teachers to give out.
Arrange for an optometrist to donate eyeglasses to kids who have been identified at school as needing glasses.
Buy gym shoes in several sizes that are typical for kids in a classroom and give them to the teacher to go to kids for PE class. Not loaned to the kids, but given.
Buy gift cards for a place like Cost Cutters Hair so kids can get a haircut professionally. The haircut done by mom in the kitchen is terrible.

We grew up poor. Not dirt poor, we had water and electricity, and some food. But it was low quality food.

I remember always wearing mostly adult size, a decade old clothes. Once I accidentally ended up with a paint stain in the middle of my coat. Couldn't get it out and there wasn't another one. I kept wearing that coat with this big stain and it was so embarrassing.

Shoes never fit well. I was never well-groomed. I didn't get nice haircuts, didn't wash my hair every day and it was always oily. My clothes always old, worn, and dirty. I was not a popular girl at school. No female hygiene products - we used cotton and cloths.

The worst part was the stress it put on the family. There was always a lot of tension, a feeling of gloom and despair.

Now we're well off and it's hard for my not to spoil my DC because I want her to have everything that I missed out on.

We grew up poor. Here is the problem. Nowadays, people work the system so much, it is impossible to tell who is truly in need and who is "crying poor".

I am not saying this to be an a-hole. I am saying this because having struggled and gotten as far as I have, with zero wealth (i.e.: no family members to ask, if you can imagine such a situation), on my own entirely - it is difficult to know where the worthwhile efforts lie.

Does this make sense? I appreciate PP's suggestion, BTW. I guess I have a hard time accepting how someone can find it so important to live in a wealthy area, yet plan to rely on others handouts as a way of getting by - whether or not they say so.

When you are poor:

You wear shoes that don't fit. They are always too big because it was all that was at the salvation army on the day your mom went. Then you trip and stumble during gym class because your shoes don't fit. Then the other kids think you are clumsy and you start to think so too.

You don't have a snack with you for morning snack at school. So you tell the teacher that you don't bring a snack because you always have a large breakfast at home. This is a lie, because there is NO breakfast at home. So your first meal is the school lunch.

The school nurse sends home alot of notes to your parents saying that she has tested your eyes and you can't see. The notes get thrown out . You learn to go up to the chalkboard during recess to see what is written there because you can never see the board.

If anyone wants to help the poor kids in your local public school:

Buy snow pants and boots and mittens and give them to the elementary teachers to give out.
Arrange for an optometrist to donate eyeglasses to kids who have been identified at school as needing glasses.
Buy gym shoes in several sizes that are typical for kids in a classroom and give them to the teacher to go to kids for PE class. Not loaned to the kids, but given.
Buy gift cards for a place like Cost Cutters Hair so kids can get a haircut professionally. The haircut done by mom in the kitchen is terrible.

"Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able you break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?"

Focus and opportunity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able yo break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?

Poverty is about "choices", yes. But it is not only about choices. It's a whole lot easier to make a "bad choice" when all you have to choose from is bad choices.

For me, it was not about choices as much as it was about opportunities. I had better opportunities than my parents and better luck. I worked hard, but a lot of people work hard. What is different is that I had the opportunity to apply to college and the good fortune to be selected for tuition aid and work study. When someone suggests that all or most people are poor because they lack the will or drive to do better, it makes my blood boil.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all so much for sharing what sounds like some very hard memories. I grew up wealthy, and was surrounded by others with plenty (went to one of the big 3 here in DC; no one had any experiences like these). In reading these stories, I feel almost appalled at the money that my family, and now I, have, and the things we had and did which seemed normal at the time, but now seems like indulgences. I can tell you that I am doing some research first thing tomorrow on how to donate my time and money to people who have life experiences like many of you. While my family worked hard for their wealth, a lot if it was luck, and it easily could have gone the opposite way. I guess I am guilty of taking things like food, let alone any and as much food as I want, for granted.

PP, glad to hear it. I suggest that you focus your research on programs that get food to children. When school is out for the summer, students who get breakfast and lunch at school lose that opportunity.

Recently my mom said I wish we had money when you were little, I didn't feed you the good food you deserve. I thought we were doing ok, my sister and I were never hungry.

Now that she's retired and has more time to cook, she brings me food or visits my sister to prepare food there.

Thank you all so much for sharing what sounds like some very hard memories. I grew up wealthy, and was surrounded by others with plenty (went to one of the big 3 here in DC; no one had any experiences like these). In reading these stories, I feel almost appalled at the money that my family, and now I, have, and the things we had and did which seemed normal at the time, but now seems like indulgences. I can tell you that I am doing some research first thing tomorrow on how to donate my time and money to people who have life experiences like many of you. While my family worked hard for their wealth, a lot if it was luck, and it easily could have gone the opposite way. I guess I am guilty of taking things like food, let alone any and as much food as I want, for granted.