Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

I think generally it is the parents who foster anxiety and behavior that is behind most other children by seizing on it and encouraging it, instead of dealing with it in a way that allows the child to cope and overcome obstacles. I generally think late potty training is a parenting issue. I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations. I am sure most people on this board will disagree and say that their child "just wasn't ready" to use a toilet until 3.5, or swim underwater until 5, etc. I am saying that I believe these instances are the result of parenting/nurture and not nature (expect in extreme circumstances like special needs). I understand that makes people defensive.

Oh my goodness. Well, DS potty trained just shy of 2, easily. He's extremely articulate and does a ton of things well, but he's not an adventurer. By your standards he's a victim of anxious parenting, because we don't force him, at 3.5 to put his face in the water (and I'm an all-American swimmer, full college scholarship, and lifeguard for years, and I didn't put MY face into the water until well after 5 years old, incidentally) nor do we push him hard into things that scare him (though we do gently encourage) I just think your post is laughable. It goes to show what snap judgments are good for. I'm not defensive at all. I really don't care what some person, who doesn't seem terribly bright, thinks about my kids or my parenting.

Your post does not change my opinion that the reason your child will not jump into the pool from the edge is because of something you are doing. Regardless of whether it's a bad thing or not, you should take responsibility. This is another area where kids start getting embarrassed around 3.5/4 when their peers can swim. 5 is ridiculous.

You don't seem to understand how little I care about your opinion on my parenting. With every post you seem more like a loon. I do think you're probably just trolling, as I find it hard to believe anyone would be so adamant about their idiotic opinions. Save it for someone who cares about what you have to say? (Guessing nobody in real life does...)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have never and would never say anything, nor is this a problem in my life 19:11. It is definitely a problem in my sweet niece's life, however, and I feel for her. She is ready for training and shows embarrassment about needing her diaper changed. She is the only child in her close and extended peer group who is not trained and I just witnessed her 3 year old next door neighbor call her a baby. Further, I have never before encountered a child who is not trained at that age and I have been around a ton of kids. The occasional slip-up, sure...but no effort to train when she is clearly ready?

You're clearly not a mom, let alone THE mom, so STFU.

OP here. Yes, I am a mom. Yes, I have been around a ton of kids in addition to my own. Your turn to STFU!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

I think generally it is the parents who foster anxiety and behavior that is behind most other children by seizing on it and encouraging it, instead of dealing with it in a way that allows the child to cope and overcome obstacles. I generally think late potty training is a parenting issue. I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations. I am sure most people on this board will disagree and say that their child "just wasn't ready" to use a toilet until 3.5, or swim underwater until 5, etc. I am saying that I believe these instances are the result of parenting/nurture and not nature (expect in extreme circumstances like special needs). I understand that makes people defensive.

Oh my goodness. Well, DS potty trained just shy of 2, easily. He's extremely articulate and does a ton of things well, but he's not an adventurer. By your standards he's a victim of anxious parenting, because we don't force him, at 3.5 to put his face in the water (and I'm an all-American swimmer, full college scholarship, and lifeguard for years, and I didn't put MY face into the water until well after 5 years old, incidentally) nor do we push him hard into things that scare him (though we do gently encourage) I just think your post is laughable. It goes to show what snap judgments are good for. I'm not defensive at all. I really don't care what some person, who doesn't seem terribly bright, thinks about my kids or my parenting.

Your post does not change my opinion that the reason your child will not jump into the pool from the edge is because of something you are doing. Regardless of whether it's a bad thing or not, you should take responsibility. This is another area where kids start getting embarrassed around 3.5/4 when their peers can swim. 5 is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

The thing is though, you'd never guess when you see him on the playground or running around at his brothers tball game that my 3.5 year old is special needs. And, in fact, in the grand scheme his special needs are pretty mild, but they do directly affect his ability to toilet train. Yet I'm sure you see his diaper and judge both him and me. Believe me, I've tried every method, every book, every prize, anything you can think of, but he is simply not capable at this point. And there is no one more frustrated by that than me.

I'm not talking about special needs, regardless of whether I can diagnose the child. I'm only talking about non-special needs. Many people have posted that it's totally normal to wait until 3. They were not discussing SN. No one is talking about your SN child!

Glad to know that's the case for you. I'm just trying to remind anyone who is tempted to judge a parent based solely on seeing a diaper on what appears to be a "normal" 3 year old (I've read enough of these threads over the past 7 years to know that plenty of people do) to stop for a second and remind themselves that they don't know the specifics about any child or family.

Actually, when I was growing up, a diaper over 3 and definitely 4 usually did mean special needs. You should be annoyed that people with non-SN kids are to lazy/incompetent to potty train them and are making your kid receive unwarranted judgment. If your child were one of few 3 or older children in diapers, people would assume there was a good reason and lay off!

Actually, I think I'll just stick to worrying about my own kids and not wasting time or energy questioning others' toilet habits. But thanks for the suggestion.

Good. It definitely sounds like your kids might benefit from you worrying a little more about them in this regard.

I only have one child so far. We trained easily just around 2 years old. I can honestly say that for us, had we waited to train until 3 years old, things would not have gone well, because he wasn't as interested in sitting still for stories (which we used to keep him on the potty) and had much firmer opinions about everything. Of course, I'm not assuming what was the case for my child might have been the same for someone else's, but I do wonder if the folks saying their kids were not ready at 3 had given it a try at 2. Some of you are saying "LOL" etc, but our child was completely physically capable of it by that time, and it was just a much easier time for us; he wanted to be near us anyway and not AS into being off playing, etc. Of course, on the other hand, I know some people who trained before 2, and my child was literally terrified of the potty at that time, so I am not assuming that every kid can do it by 2. But, mine did!

BTW, I'm the PP whose child is an anxious kid about many things. So yes, he was anxious about the potty at first, so we backed off, gave it some time, and tried again a month or so later, and it worked well.

NOT a judgmental post, but just a thought that you might be surprised by how much EASIER it is to do it early, before the kid gets set in his / her ways about the potty and her opinions on it.

You can't force a child to potty train, and there's not a certain drop dead age. However, it can't exclusively be a question of whether the child feels ready. For a long time, my child refused to make any effort to dress himself and to walk more than half a block, crying and claiming that he was "too little." It's not that I mind dressing him or pushing him in a stroller, but after a certain point, it was not healthy for his development.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

I think generally it is the parents who foster anxiety and behavior that is behind most other children by seizing on it and encouraging it, instead of dealing with it in a way that allows the child to cope and overcome obstacles. I generally think late potty training is a parenting issue. I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations. I am sure most people on this board will disagree and say that their child "just wasn't ready" to use a toilet until 3.5, or swim underwater until 5, etc. I am saying that I believe these instances are the result of parenting/nurture and not nature (expect in extreme circumstances like special needs). I understand that makes people defensive.

Oh my goodness. Well, DS potty trained just shy of 2, easily. He's extremely articulate and does a ton of things well, but he's not an adventurer. By your standards he's a victim of anxious parenting, because we don't force him, at 3.5 to put his face in the water (and I'm an all-American swimmer, full college scholarship, and lifeguard for years, and I didn't put MY face into the water until well after 5 years old, incidentally) nor do we push him hard into things that scare him (though we do gently encourage) I just think your post is laughable. It goes to show what snap judgments are good for. I'm not defensive at all. I really don't care what some person, who doesn't seem terribly bright, thinks about my kids or my parenting.

What I find most disturbing on this thread is that there are so many parents who don't get that every child is different, every parent knows their child better than anyone and is doing there best to meet their child's needs. It really is alarming that so many of you think, well my Larla trained herself at six months old so why hasn't Marla been trained by three? UM, THEY ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE!

Full disclaimer, I have a three year old who is mostly but not fully potty trained. She has shown signs of readiness for a long time but when we tried she just was not there yet. She has just been working on other developmental stuff and this was not high on her list. She still needs encouragement but gets it now, but it has taken a long time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

I don't get the "lol"?

Is he SN? Why can't he be out of a diaper by 2.5?

You seem awfully invested into where other children's feces go. I'm sure there is a name for this disorder somewhere in the manual.

And you and the other like parents are incredibly defensive about something that is "so normal."

Me and other parents didn't start the thread titled "Isn't it weird that people start to potty-train before 3?"

You or whoever started this thread with a badly disguised judgment. What did you think you'd get in response, roses?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

Actually, yes. I've read in a number of articles that you should start around (or maybe even slightly before) 2.

And for those of you scoffing and saying "that's ridiculous!," I am here to tell you that many of us look at your 3.5 year old who is talking, running, playing tee ball AND pooping in a diaper, and say "that's ridiculous!".

Who cares what you say? Honestly, why do you refer to your personal disapproval as a strong argument in favor of potty training? What, I'm supposed to potty-train my child before he's ready so that the crazy lady on the playground spares him her scorn?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

I don't get the "lol"?

Is he SN? Why can't he be out of a diaper by 2.5?

You seem awfully invested into where other children's feces go. I'm sure there is a name for this disorder somewhere in the manual.

And you and the other like parents are incredibly defensive about something that is "so normal."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

I don't get the "lol"?

Is he SN? Why can't he be out of a diaper by 2.5?

You seem awfully invested into where other children's feces go. I'm sure there is a name for this disorder somewhere in the manual.

<<<<<For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident.>>>>>>

Hmm...my almost three-year-old climbs everywhere, eats anything, and seems pretty darn capable and confident in all kinds of ways.

He also wears a diaper. Because, after months of potty-related learning and some potty use, he still isn't there yet and I respect him as a person so I am not going to force him just so people like you won't judge me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

The thing is though, you'd never guess when you see him on the playground or running around at his brothers tball game that my 3.5 year old is special needs. And, in fact, in the grand scheme his special needs are pretty mild, but they do directly affect his ability to toilet train. Yet I'm sure you see his diaper and judge both him and me. Believe me, I've tried every method, every book, every prize, anything you can think of, but he is simply not capable at this point. And there is no one more frustrated by that than me.

I'm not talking about special needs, regardless of whether I can diagnose the child. I'm only talking about non-special needs. Many people have posted that it's totally normal to wait until 3. They were not discussing SN. No one is talking about your SN child!

Glad to know that's the case for you. I'm just trying to remind anyone who is tempted to judge a parent based solely on seeing a diaper on what appears to be a "normal" 3 year old (I've read enough of these threads over the past 7 years to know that plenty of people do) to stop for a second and remind themselves that they don't know the specifics about any child or family.

Actually, when I was growing up, a diaper over 3 and definitely 4 usually did mean special needs. You should be annoyed that people with non-SN kids are to lazy/incompetent to potty train them and are making your kid receive unwarranted judgment. If your child were one of few 3 or older children in diapers, people would assume there was a good reason and lay off!

Actually, I think I'll just stick to worrying about my own kids and not wasting time or energy questioning others' toilet habits. But thanks for the suggestion.

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

I don't get the "lol"?

Is he SN? Why can't he be out of a diaper by 2.5?