NP here and I'm waffling on which side I agree with. Then it occurred to me that it would depend on how the situation happened. If OPs DD when asked, said "oh, I'm really sorry, but I promised Larla and Jane they could sit next to me. But, join us and sit across from me and tomorrow we can sit next to each other." I'd agree with OP and say that the volunteer mum was completely out of line. But, if OPs DD when asked said "NO! I always sit next to Larla and Jane. You can't sit with us." and the other girl asked if she could sit at the table and OPs dd responds "Whatever - do what you want" and then proceeds to ignore volunteer mum's kid throughout lunch, I'd agree with volunteer mum and appreciate if she spoke to my kid if it was mine that behaved that way.

I guess it all depends on how the whole lunch-gate went down.

^^Anyone who feels the need to come onto an anonymous forum to insist that a 9 year old is an irredeemable bitch in training has issues.

That's a direct quote from my husband on this issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond the pale. Lots of assumptions being made here. People, the bottom line is that, when it's a she said/she said situation parents should act like adults and address the situation with other adults. Neither parent should assume they are getting the full truth from their child, nor should they fight their children's social battles for them. I'm the PP from the beginning of this thread whose well-meaning mother did this to me many years ago, and I was extremely pissed at her.

This type of situation is totally different than a parent witnessing a physical altercation or taunting on the playground. In that instance, the vast majority of parents would support another parent who steps in to diffuse the situation and if necessary, speak to the child about proper behavior. But OP's situation is not this.

Some of you are really so self-righteous that it boggles the mind. Get a life, you harpies.

What a self-righteous thing to say.

Says the harpie who is too old to be a mean girl. Grow up, lady - I touched a nerve, huh?

What's that you said about assumptions? I'm a 41-year old Dad who just discovered this thread this morning. Can't stand the sight of yourself in the mirror I held up, eh?

So you are a man-bitch? Yep, I've met some of you, too. Learn how to be a parent and stop fighting your kids' battles. Teach them, Dad - TEACH THEM. I assume you'll be writing your kids' college essays and arguing with their professors about grades, right?

Again with the assumptions? You're a sad piece of work. When did your husband divorce you?

My husband agrees with me 100% and can't fucking stand the parents like you either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond the pale. Lots of assumptions being made here. People, the bottom line is that, when it's a she said/she said situation parents should act like adults and address the situation with other adults. Neither parent should assume they are getting the full truth from their child, nor should they fight their children's social battles for them. I'm the PP from the beginning of this thread whose well-meaning mother did this to me many years ago, and I was extremely pissed at her.

This type of situation is totally different than a parent witnessing a physical altercation or taunting on the playground. In that instance, the vast majority of parents would support another parent who steps in to diffuse the situation and if necessary, speak to the child about proper behavior. But OP's situation is not this.

Some of you are really so self-righteous that it boggles the mind. Get a life, you harpies.

What a self-righteous thing to say.

Says the harpie who is too old to be a mean girl. Grow up, lady - I touched a nerve, huh?

What's that you said about assumptions? I'm a 41-year old Dad who just discovered this thread this morning. Can't stand the sight of yourself in the mirror I held up, eh?

So you are a man-bitch? Yep, I've met some of you, too. Learn how to be a parent and stop fighting your kids' battles. Teach them, Dad - TEACH THEM. I assume you'll be writing your kids' college essays and arguing with their professors about grades, right?

Again with the assumptions? You're a sad piece of work. When did your husband divorce you?

I don't understand why you're upset, OP. The mom was there to volunteer to monitor the playground. She told your daughter politely to include others. Your daughter was prob. just mad for being called out. You should be glad. The same volunteers will be helping out your DD when she needs help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What cracks me up is that many of you are the same ones screaming "it takes a village....". When "the village" steps in, you jump in front to defend your little snowflake. OP, your daughter is mean. You said she told another little girl she couldn't sit in the seat next to her. That's an ass move, and she got called on it. There is no more to it.

Says the village Idiot.

Let me chose my village. The teachers, principal, teachers aids, okay..

Crazy moms with little to do than fight their children's battles, in the middle of the day, because they have nothing useful to do, no thanks!

Amen. I've been there and seen these moms and they are a fucking nightmare. I worked in administration at a private school and didn't make it long b/c of moms like this. I had many who were at the school nearly every day and felt the need to counsel me on how to do my job better. Hey honey - if you need something productive to do, go get your own damned job. It ain't that hard in DC.

Anonymous wrote:The 9 year old needs to learn to stick up for herself and fight her own battles. The mother of this girl is doing her daughter a HUGE, HUGE disservice my stepping in and getting involved over something as minor, yes minor!!, of seating at a lunch table.

This is kid stuff. My 7-year old son talks about this stuff all the time...or how one kid in his class runs up to his best friend when partners are called for and tells him 'sorry go find somebody else' in a nasty sing-song voice. It is manipulative. No matter that I think the kid is a little a-hole (and I've been in the classroom during reading to see it firsthand) I use it as a teaching lesson with my own son---ways to stick up for himself or to ignore, move on and find somebody nice. It is also a good lesson that there are real jerks in the world and it is not necessary for everyone to like you. Their loss, etc. These are coping lessons for later in life. These are lessons kids learn in school--not by their parents stepping in over every minor grievance.

Helicopter mom of the century. She should be ashamed of herself for fighting a 9-year olds battle.

Exactly, exactly. Ask any teacher or school psychologist and they will agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What cracks me up is that many of you are the same ones screaming "it takes a village....". When "the village" steps in, you jump in front to defend your little snowflake. OP, your daughter is mean. You said she told another little girl she couldn't sit in the seat next to her. That's an ass move, and she got called on it. There is no more to it.

Seriously? Kids do this. It does not indicate that OP's daughter is some irredeemable "mean girl," and does not warrant WWIII or a mother stepping in to fight her kid's battles. A decent parent teaches their child how to deal with these issues. Will you be there to mediate Snowflakes battles when she is in college? Or married?

LOSERS!

I have three in college and two in high school. I don't get involved in kids issues. You need to go back and read what the OP said. There was no battle. The OP's daughter wasn't upset. It sounds like the mother simply asked the OP's daughter to be nice. How is that a big deal again? You are right...kids do this. And they depend on the adults to call them on it. If one of my girls told another child that they couldn't sit down next to them, I would be mortified! I would apologize for my child's behavior and spend some time talking about the importance of being kind to others.

It sounds like have a very different approach to parenting.

If you say so. I've worked for three different universities and a private school and have seen how this insistence that we fight our kids' battles for them turns out young adults who are helpless to solve their own problems or make decisions. I would speak to my child in this situation too, but I would be very unhappy with the mother who felt the need to approach my child without talking to me about this first. I am her parent, YOU are not. I think we can assume that this mom did not see the incident between OP's child and her daughter, so yes, she was out of line. As are all of you who are jumping on OP and calling her MIDDLE SCHOOLER every name in the book. This mom was not intervening at the time. She was making her child's problem her own personal problem instead of talking to her own daughter about how she could address this terribly common tween/teen girl issue. This is not about the "village," this is about a mom who was out of line. Was OP overly hysterical in her post? Yes, I think she was. She also has room to reflect upon how she can more productively address this situation. But you are all beyond the pale, and I stick by that, whether you are a mom bully or a dad bully. Because that is how the vast majority of you here come across. Simply NASTY.

I will be back to defend OP often so just stop. Just stop. You are all ganging up on her while harping about mean girls. HELLO? Hypocrites and losers, sorry. If the truth hurts, too bad.

The 9 year old needs to learn to stick up for herself and fight her own battles. The mother of this girl is doing her daughter a HUGE, HUGE disservice my stepping in and getting involved over something as minor, yes minor!!, of seating at a lunch table.

This is kid stuff. My 7-year old son talks about this stuff all the time...or how one kid in his class runs up to his best friend when partners are called for and tells him 'sorry go find somebody else' in a nasty sing-song voice. It is manipulative. No matter that I think the kid is a little a-hole (and I've been in the classroom during reading to see it firsthand) I use it as a teaching lesson with my own son---ways to stick up for himself or to ignore, move on and find somebody nice. It is also a good lesson that there are real jerks in the world and it is not necessary for everyone to like you. Their loss, etc. These are coping lessons for later in life. These are lessons kids learn in school--not by their parents stepping in over every minor grievance.

Helicopter mom of the century. She should be ashamed of herself for fighting a 9-year olds battle.

Anonymous wrote:What cracks me up is that many of you are the same ones screaming "it takes a village....". When "the village" steps in, you jump in front to defend your little snowflake. OP, your daughter is mean. You said she told another little girl she couldn't sit in the seat next to her. That's an ass move, and she got called on it. There is no more to it.

Says the village Idiot.

Let me chose my village. The teachers, principal, teachers aids, okay..

Crazy moms with little to do than fight their children's battles, in the middle of the day, because they have nothing useful to do, no thanks!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What cracks me up is that many of you are the same ones screaming "it takes a village....". When "the village" steps in, you jump in front to defend your little snowflake. OP, your daughter is mean. You said she told another little girl she couldn't sit in the seat next to her. That's an ass move, and she got called on it. There is no more to it.

Seriously? Kids do this. It does not indicate that OP's daughter is some irredeemable "mean girl," and does not warrant WWIII or a mother stepping in to fight her kid's battles. A decent parent teaches their child how to deal with these issues. Will you be there to mediate Snowflakes battles when she is in college? Or married?

LOSERS!

I have three in college and two in high school. I don't get involved in kids issues. You need to go back and read what the OP said. There was no battle. The OP's daughter wasn't upset. It sounds like the mother simply asked the OP's daughter to be nice. How is that a big deal again? You are right...kids do this. And they depend on the adults to call them on it. If one of my girls told another child that they couldn't sit down next to them, I would be mortified! I would apologize for my child's behavior and spend some time talking about the importance of being kind to others.

It sounds like have a very different approach to parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond the pale. Lots of assumptions being made here. People, the bottom line is that, when it's a she said/she said situation parents should act like adults and address the situation with other adults. Neither parent should assume they are getting the full truth from their child, nor should they fight their children's social battles for them. I'm the PP from the beginning of this thread whose well-meaning mother did this to me many years ago, and I was extremely pissed at her.

This type of situation is totally different than a parent witnessing a physical altercation or taunting on the playground. In that instance, the vast majority of parents would support another parent who steps in to diffuse the situation and if necessary, speak to the child about proper behavior. But OP's situation is not this.

Some of you are really so self-righteous that it boggles the mind. Get a life, you harpies.

What a self-righteous thing to say.

Says the harpie who is too old to be a mean girl. Grow up, lady - I touched a nerve, huh?

What's that you said about assumptions? I'm a 41-year old Dad who just discovered this thread this morning. Can't stand the sight of yourself in the mirror I held up, eh?

So you are a man-bitch? Yep, I've met some of you, too. Learn how to be a parent and stop fighting your kids' battles. Teach them, Dad - TEACH THEM. I assume you'll be writing your kids' college essays and arguing with their professors about grades, right?

Anonymous wrote:What cracks me up is that many of you are the same ones screaming "it takes a village....". When "the village" steps in, you jump in front to defend your little snowflake. OP, your daughter is mean. You said she told another little girl she couldn't sit in the seat next to her. That's an ass move, and she got called on it. There is no more to it.

Seriously? Kids do this. It does not indicate that OP's daughter is some irredeemable "mean girl," and does not warrant WWIII or a mother stepping in to fight her kid's battles. A decent parent teaches their child how to deal with these issues. Will you be there to mediate Snowflakes battles when she is in college? Or married?

LOSERS!

What cracks me up is that many of you are the same ones screaming "it takes a village....". When "the village" steps in, you jump in front to defend your little snowflake. OP, your daughter is mean. You said she told another little girl she couldn't sit in the seat next to her. That's an ass move, and she got called on it. There is no more to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond the pale. Lots of assumptions being made here. People, the bottom line is that, when it's a she said/she said situation parents should act like adults and address the situation with other adults. Neither parent should assume they are getting the full truth from their child, nor should they fight their children's social battles for them. I'm the PP from the beginning of this thread whose well-meaning mother did this to me many years ago, and I was extremely pissed at her.

This type of situation is totally different than a parent witnessing a physical altercation or taunting on the playground. In that instance, the vast majority of parents would support another parent who steps in to diffuse the situation and if necessary, speak to the child about proper behavior. But OP's situation is not this.

Some of you are really so self-righteous that it boggles the mind. Get a life, you harpies.

What a self-righteous thing to say.

Says the harpie who is too old to be a mean girl. Grow up, lady - I touched a nerve, huh?

What's that you said about assumptions? I'm a 41-year old Dad who just discovered this thread this morning. Can't stand the sight of yourself in the mirror I held up, eh?