Anonymous wrote:Every birthday party our son has been invited to has been wonderful in its own way, and we are grateful for every invitation. And I'm not saying that in an ironic or snarky way.

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Anonymous wrote:DS age 2 was invited to a birthday party for a daycare buddy. The family had a handful of snacks for the (few dozen) kids & parents, and then off to the side there were two buffet-type tables set up with copious amount of food - but there was a clear plastic cover draped over that table. A clown performed in the backyard and people ate a few chips and goldfish. After a little time went by, the cake came out and we ate it in the blazing sun.

We were then all hustled out of there, because birthday boy's relatives had begun to arrive. As DH and I left, birthday boy's mother was removing the clear plastic from the buffet tables and fussing with the copious amounts of food and drink, preparing them for her second round of guests.

Weird.

I've had this happen as well though not at a little kid's party. At a HS graduation party scheduled to start about 6 pm, the guests were fed nothing for the first hr. Then there were some limited appetizers -- samosas and Indian snack food, which I love, but not everyone ate as we grew up in the middle of no where and many of the grad's school friends had never tasted ethnic food. 8 pm rolled around and then 9 - at which point there was still no dinner service. All of us school friends bailed at that point and hit the fast food joints on the way home. As we were leaving, the dinner buffet was starting to be set out. It was clear that the grad's parents viewed this as a party for their friends and family and the "school friends" were token invites; we were supposed to stop in with presents and then leave so the real party could start. Years later it still leaves a bad taste and I don't understand why the 18 yr old grad even invited her friends if that's how she and her family was going to treat them. If you can rent out a ballroom venue for a high school graduation, you can certainly afford to feed everyone.

Okay - just a different perspective - that timing is totally standard for Indian parties. I wouldn't come to the conclusion based on the food alone. In fact, serving dinner too early is seen as pushing your guests out; two rounds of food is meant to be hospitable to people for the whole duration of the party. I am so sorry it came across like that. I bet theirr families thought you didn't like being around their family and left early for that reason. Again, dinner service at 9 or 10 is totally standard for a big Indian party. Also, a party starting at six, guests aren't expected to arrive until 7 at least. Everyone is told to come at the same time. (Indian Standard Time, as we call it). Please don't stew on that - they weren't being rude, it's just that the cultural norms are different than what you're used to. That being said, your friend probably should have warned you. At my mehndi (pre-wedding party) some of my non-Indian guests didn't realize dinner was coming (at 9) and loaded up on appetizers. For the wedding the next day, word was out that there was going to be dinner served later, so people paced themselves appropriately.

First PP here. What you describe is not what we experienced.

Snacks for first round of guests: Chips & salsa, goldfish, cheese & crackers. Birthday cake.

We were then told the party was over. We were, literally, hustled out of there. We were clearly not invited to/included in the second round.

Food for second round of guests (family & adult friends from what I could tell): deli sandwiches, fruit platter, pasta salad, dips, crudites, and the like.

There were definitely two parties happening, and one was a lot more hospitable than the other.

I don't understand why they happened on the same day or in the same time frame, made no sense to me. As hostess I would have felt humiliated to have a plastic-covered table with off-limits food visible to round 1 guests.

Anonymous wrote:Re Midwestern garage parties:

I'm from Ohio, and it is basically using the garage in place of a tent if it's nice enough to be outside. This is what our family and many friends did for graduation parties, etc. You have a shady place to put the food and sit. A garage open to the driveway provides a bigger overall space than a room inside most houses, and kids can run around outside with adults around. Friends and family can wander in and out of the house. I don't see what's so strange about it.

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Definitely did not misunderstand as I'm Indian too and realize everything starts late. The difference is that when hosts are hospitable there are tons of appetizers and drinks - as the PP said you can easily fill up if you don't realize dinner is next. In this case it was one mini samosa and coke and little else for 3 hrs for a bunch of teens. And the lack of hospitality was also demonstrated by random family members saying in Hindi - who are these kids, why are they still here etc. if you're saying such things above a whisper about your guests, you should make sure no one in the group you're talking about speaks the same language.

They were totally rude. Every Asian party I have been too has an overwhelming amount of food; whether it's appetizers, entrees or whatever, no one is expected to subsist on one snack for 3 hrs. In fact hosts expect you to eat and feel like you're not having a good time or your needs aren't provided for if you're not eating; sometimes you have to convince them that you're having a great time but one 5 course meal is all you can handle!

Depends. Chronic lateness of getting ethnic food delivered from small home operated caterers is actually pretty typical. SIL is from a culture where you get food for parties from this one person who makes this arcane delicacy --the caterer will do this for extra money and always has some life interruption which prevents them from ever delivering food at the appointed time...I've gotten used to this and it is worth the wait as the food is indescribably delicious and authentic.