Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

Yeah, this is pretty much crap. Domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another. OP is a criminal.

No, it's not. What you just said is laughably narrow and even most law enforcement officers would agree it's more than what you just said. And it matters to me not one bit what the gender roles are. I have worked women in this area, and I have worked with men in this area. He's no victim.

That is funny considering I AM law enforcement. Your qualifications?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you're out of touch with reality and have spent too much time in non-clinical work (research?) and need to get out and see people again. The police disagree with you. I think you are confusing domestic violence, which can be a one-time event, with domestic abuse which is usually a pattern of emotional or physical abuse.

Call it what you will, the distinction is there. Abuse, violence, whatever you want to call it, there's a difference. And the same distinction and pointing out the differences that you just made is what I made. Not all violence is the same. You said it, I said it.

Yes, but in this case, the words are important. Domestic violence is a term that is defined legally and for law enforcement purposes. If you're going to be giving this type of advice, you can't just randomly choose words. Some have more legal consequences than others.

Look, I work in the field and work directly with judges, advocates, social workers, government workers, law enforcement, etc. I'm talking about nationally, Office on Violence Against Women, definition of domestic violence. So call it what YOU will, but I'm using the definition as defined by the Department of Justice. I'm sorry you disagree, and are using state-based legal definitions. I'm using the national definition as agreed upon by an awful lot of experts. So I'm not randomly choosing words. I was very deliberate.

Lady, I work at the Department of Justice. I worked at OVW, I feel so strongly about how stupid you are I'm outing myself to tell you...YOU ARE WRONG.

Anonymous wrote:Well I am wondering if the comment struck a nerve because perhaps there was some truth in the statement. As a result, OP physically struck her husband because the truth hurts.

Anonymous wrote:NP.

I grew up with abuse and made the decision to leave at a young age. Still, because I lived it for so long, it feels natural when I get angry or fight with DH to want to hit. I hold back and thankfully have never done it, but I dont think most people have the urge and sometimes I hate myself for that.

OP, did this happen in front of your LO? You haven't come back to answer that.
Either way, you're not horrible, you just need help. immediately. I would even go to the ER & check myself into the psych ward if you're feeling that out of control.

I agree with pp, your dh is an ass & I think you lost control because he used you to hurt your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:OP is FOS - crafted quite a story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you're out of touch with reality and have spent too much time in non-clinical work (research?) and need to get out and see people again. The police disagree with you. I think you are confusing domestic violence, which can be a one-time event, with domestic abuse which is usually a pattern of emotional or physical abuse.

Call it what you will, the distinction is there. Abuse, violence, whatever you want to call it, there's a difference. And the same distinction and pointing out the differences that you just made is what I made. Not all violence is the same. You said it, I said it.

Yes, but in this case, the words are important. Domestic violence is a term that is defined legally and for law enforcement purposes. If you're going to be giving this type of advice, you can't just randomly choose words. Some have more legal consequences than others.

Look, I work in the field and work directly with judges, advocates, social workers, government workers, law enforcement, etc. I'm talking about nationally, Office on Violence Against Women, definition of domestic violence. So call it what YOU will, but I'm using the definition as defined by the Department of Justice. I'm sorry you disagree, and are using state-based legal definitions. I'm using the national definition as agreed upon by an awful lot of experts. So I'm not randomly choosing words. I was very deliberate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

Yeah, this is pretty much crap. Domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another. OP is a criminal.

No, it's not. What you just said is laughably narrow and even most law enforcement officers would agree it's more than what you just said. And it matters to me not one bit what the gender roles are. I have worked women in this area, and I have worked with men in this area. He's no victim.

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow, this person who hit her husband is just as bad as a husband hitting his wife. Abuse is abuse...