You wrote:

"I can't even follow your post. You make no sense. Of course the student loans are not the end of the world. If a child really wants to attend college and the parents can't afford it, student loans are available and can be utilized. Of course there can be buckets of examples about how the kids flunked out and didn't appreciate, or how paying your own way though has somehow made you 100 times stronger (which i seriously doubt). The point is, you either value education as a family or you don't. If you do, you help your kids achieve their absolute potential by supporting them in every possible way. If you don't value education, you make a 100 excuses as to why paying for a new kitchen, a better can or a trip to Hawaii has somehow made little Johnny a better man."

What I am saying is that there is a middle ground. No, I am not going to do whatever possible and support them "in every possible way". I will save enough, at some hardship, to get them to public in-state schools for 2-3 years. I will borrow and/or pay as they go for the remainder of undergrad. I am not going to live in a dump and not take vacations so I can save save save for private school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I value education, but I assume my kids will go to public colleges in-state. I am not going to NOT go on vacation so my kid can go to private college.

I haven't read anywhere in this entire thread that the kid MUST go to private school in order to get good education. You are missing the point entirely.

no I am not. Some PP said you don't value education if you think going to Hawaii is a better experience. I can save for PUBLIC college AND take nice vacations. I can NOT save for PRIVATE college and take nice vacations. So I value education, but am not willing to sacrifice my life enjoyment so my kids can go to private school when I've done so well from public school.

That pp would be me. You still don't get it. I said that you don't value education if you have the means to pay for your kids to go to college but choose not to. It doesn't matter where you send them (preferably it will be somewhere where they want to go). There are plenty of good public schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I value education, but I assume my kids will go to public colleges in-state. I am not going to NOT go on vacation so my kid can go to private college.

I haven't read anywhere in this entire thread that the kid MUST go to private school in order to get good education. You are missing the point entirely.

no I am not. Some PP said you don't value education if you think going to Hawaii is a better experience. I can save for PUBLIC college AND take nice vacations. I can NOT save for PRIVATE college and take nice vacations. So I value education, but am not willing to sacrifice my life enjoyment so my kids can go to private school when I've done so well from public school.

Anonymous wrote:I value education, but I assume my kids will go to public colleges in-state. I am not going to NOT go on vacation so my kid can go to private college.

I haven't read anywhere in this entire thread that the kid MUST go to private school in order to get good education. You are missing the point entirely.

Anonymous wrote:"Are u serious...u have basically valued t2 kids college education above the lives and existence of the othe 2.
Oow dumb is that? "

Why is that dumb? We also stopped at two children, so we could give more to those children.

You missed my point!
The pp was saying that the other family should have stopped at 2 kids so that they could give them what the PP felt was necessary...not what the family in question felt and were able to give.
Honestly, this whole conversation is ridiculous to me.
Each family gives what they can and are willing to do in accordance with their values, means, and desires.
My mother was a single parent who was not able to fund my college financially.
What she did give me was much more valuable:

a) role model of a parent willing to work as hard as they could to provide for their child

b) a LOVE OF LEARNING (be it formal or informal education)

c) a work ethic that propelled me to go after and obtain those things i desired but were not GIVEN TO ME

D) an understanding that everyone's circumstances and abilities are not the same

E) LOVE

While a college education is a great tool to have -- it is not the only element of and predictor of future sucess.
It is not the one definitive manifestation of your love for children and your ability as a parent.
It is an education combined with so many other things that give folks to have a fighting chance of what folks define as sucess.
Sadly many define it soley by the lettrs after their names and the zeros on their pay stubs.

I value education, but I assume my kids will go to public colleges in-state. I am not going to NOT go on vacation so my kid can go to private college.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I paid for our own college. I think it is a great experience to not be handed everything. Student loans are not the end of the world. They are part of life. By the time anyone here has children going to college, all that will be available is student loans - they don't go handing out money because you cry poor mouth. That is not the way it works.

I have a friend from a large family that did not qualify for financial aid. The parents paid for just one child to go to school. That child flunked out in his last year of undergrad. It was a gamble that did not pay off.

You are doing your child no favors by sacrificing everything to send them to private school while they are young or undergrad when they are older, for that matter. The elite colleges accept a small percentage of applicants - and the applicant pool is rising and improving every day. It sounds to me that too many here don't have a grasp on reality.

I can't even follow your post. You make no sense. Of course the student loans are not the end of the world. If a child really wants to attend college and the parents can't afford it, student loans are available and can be utilized. Of course there can be buckets of examples about how the kids flunked out and didn't appreciate, or how paying your own way though has somehow made you 100 times stronger (which i seriously doubt). The point is, you either value education as a family or you don't. If you do, you help your kids achieve their absolute potential by supporting them in every possible way. If you don't value education, you make a 100 excuses as to why paying for a new kitchen, a better can or a trip to Hawaii has somehow made little Johnny a better man.

1. Assuming you have means and it is not a complete struggle, parents should pay for their kids undergrad tuition and room and board. That is part of the deal in 2012. That is, saving for your kids college should be a lower priority than your mortgage, 401K and your normal quality-of-life (vacations, etc.). But I think it should be ahead of getting a nicer car and/or a bigger house.

2. The college "experience" is important. The people who do well in life are the ones who are well adjusted with good social skills and who get along with other people. Plus the contacts and friends you make in college are huge for future success.

3. The parent owes it to their kids to give them advice (this major is better than that major, etc.), but it is not my choice as to their major or college (assuming the school is within my budget). Now there are some limits. I am not going to pay for an unaccredited school and I'd probably say it has to be within X hours of home (say 4-5 hours).

DH and I paid for our own college. I think it is a great experience to not be handed everything. Student loans are not the end of the world. They are part of life. By the time anyone here has children going to college, all that will be available is student loans - they don't go handing out money because you cry poor mouth. That is not the way it works.

I have a friend from a large family that did not qualify for financial aid. The parents paid for just one child to go to school. That child flunked out in his last year of undergrad. It was a gamble that did not pay off.

You are doing your child no favors by sacrificing everything to send them to private school while they are young or undergrad when they are older, for that matter. The elite colleges accept a small percentage of applicants - and the applicant pool is rising and improving every day. It sounds to me that too many here don't have a grasp on reality.

Anonymous wrote:To the best of their ability, perhaps.

I wont be able to pay all, but will have a small college fund and hopefully help some. But I also believe it is important for kids to find their own way and work.

I'm finding the happy medium between no college fund/minimal support and covering it all. My parents only had a college fund for my brother and only helped (minimally) for the first two years.

Your parents had a college fund for your brother, and not for you?

To the best of their ability, perhaps.

I wont be able to pay all, but will have a small college fund and hopefully help some. But I also believe it is important for kids to find their own way and work.

I'm finding the happy medium between no college fund/minimal support and covering it all. My parents only had a college fund for my brother and only helped (minimally) for the first two years.

Anonymous wrote:"We paid private school tuition for 14 years so certainly wouldn't have suddenly cut it off for college. I really can't imagine people with means suddenly saying - hey you can go to swanky private schools so we can put the sticker on the car, but if you don't get into a college of a certain rank so we can add that sticker then sorry, you are on your own."

Crazy, isn't it? My next door neighbors paid for Holton Arms, but then told their dd she could apply only to VA state schools. WTF?

This view assumes that the point of private school is to get the student into Ivies or the like. For many parents however, the choice of private school is not a means to an end - it is about the experience in the here and now.

Assuming that your neighbors are of this view, their approach makes perfect sense. (I'll also note that VA state schools are nothing to sneeze at.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Nope, I'm not. I'm trying to feed, clothe and care for the child NOW, with the limited funds that I have. The rest goes towards savings for family emergencies and my own retirement. College tuition will come when there is disposable income, as of right now? I'm not going to bust my balls for that."

To each their own. I "bust my balls" at a job solely to save money for my kids' education. It's worth it to me.

And the goal is, I assume, that they "bust their balls" solely to pay for their kids' education?

No. The goal is to give them an education and thus, options.

Anonymous wrote:Should? As in the kids are entitled to a college education paid for by their parents?
No way.

I think that the kid should have to work and save for it throughout the years. I also believe that the kid should work hard and try to get scholarships.

If the parents can and have the will to pay, more power to them. But, I think that parents mortgaging their house to pay for a kid's college is insane.

I wouldn't mortgage my house, but I would and do give up vacations and household improvements.

Anonymous wrote:"Nope, I'm not. I'm trying to feed, clothe and care for the child NOW, with the limited funds that I have. The rest goes towards savings for family emergencies and my own retirement. College tuition will come when there is disposable income, as of right now? I'm not going to bust my balls for that."

To each their own. I "bust my balls" at a job solely to save money for my kids' education. It's worth it to me.

And the goal is, I assume, that they "bust their balls" solely to pay for their kids' education?