Anonymous wrote:"By the same token, they're likely to far surpass you in other respects. HELP THEM BE THEM; DON'T EXPECT THEM TO BE YOU."

This really hit home for me. I need to think hard about this and just don't know where to start. Can anyone recommend a book or other starting point to change how I relate to the DC so unlike me?

http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Blessings-Inner-Mindful-Parenting/dp/0786883146

It's not directly on point, but much of the book is about how to understand and manage your own emotions and needs in order to be present with your children and curious about who they are as individuals in their own right -- not as extensions of yourself, your strengths or your needs.

It's deep stuff, but also very powerful if it resonates. Worth a try.

My iq has been tested in the high 150s; spouse is above average, probably in the 120s. Our older child is very verbal and has an unusual sense of humor so everyone thought she was precocious. But she didn't pick up reading, math, telling time, etc as early as I would have expected. Younger one is quieter and a boy so it's hard to compare.

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I recognize myself in so many of these other posts! I'm merely above average, but I really work hard and have a strong competitive streak, whereas my husband is a genius and has zero competitive streak. He's perfectly happy to just float along in life.

My 3rd grader seems to be taking after his dad. He has an amazing knack for math, but doesn't care if he is considered the best even at that. He is perfectly happy to be at grade level in other subjects. When I was his age I was determined to be the very best I could be at school. Does anyone know of a book or something that will help me light a fire under this kid-- maybe give him a bit of hunger?

Everyone has internal motivation. It's human nature. Your job as a parent is to get to know your DS well enough to help him connect with his own sources of motivation, which may be completely different from yours. To put it bluntly, you can't "light a fire" under him or "give him" hunger. He needs to find it within himself and do it to satisfy that true and organic need. Not for you or for anything you've done or threatened to withhold.

On this point, I highly recommend Daniel Pink's book, Drive. And the work of Edward Deci.

I also think the distinction between fixed and growth mindsets is relevant here, too. Both for you and for your DS. I thought Carol Dweck's book, Mindset, was excellent. Completely accessible read that has shaped the way I look at things. It's turning out to be quite influential in education circles, as well. Good stuff.

DH and I are both "wicked smart" according to IQ tests and scholastic records and our work as engineers. Our son is autistic. Now that is a real blow.

This thread is cracking me up.

We (Mom and Dad) are very smart. Our one child is also very precocious. I think that intelligence can be honed over time and that smart people can go astray. That said, it is clear at a young age that there are differences between average and above average. Perception of complex concepts, deep questions, recall abilities, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wicked smart? are you from boston

+1

People who are truly smart don't use trite, cliche terms like this. Sorry, OP.

Not true. People from Boston use that term -- even some with PhDs.

Again. Smart people don't use those terms.

No, she's right. Even smart people in Boston say "wicked." They're just saying it in kind of an ironic sense. But it means the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:Intelligence seemed to have skipped a generation in our house. Well, it at least skipped over our 3 kids and I'm hoping it appears in my grandkids one day. And of course I love my kids just the way they are but I have a "genius" IQ and they have just above average IQs.

What is a genius iq? Curious.

Anonymous wrote:It's so funny how everyone jumps to words like "genius" and "gifted" lately. Your kid may be smart, compared to their immediate peers.
How do they stack up against kids in China today?

Have you ever worked with or gone to school with someone educated in China? They are mostly grinds with no creativity, unless it comes to cheating.

I was tested at genius levels as a kid and skipped a grade. I married someone who was lucky to finish HS, but it wasn't for lack of intelligence. He had dyslexia and probably some other LD's. But he is really good at math and went on the become an engineer.

Our eldest has ADHD and is average according to tests. She's a challenge for a multitude of reasons. And in all honesty, it is a little difficult to understand what is going on with her a lot. We get frustrated with each other a lot.

Not sure about the baby yet. I'm hopeful things will be less challenging for her.

I saw my IQ score at the end of high school . I asked to see what was in my "permanent record " and it was there. 137. Don't remember when ot was done but probably around grade 6 for honors placement in middle school. DH probably has similar IQ with different strengths.

All of my kids have tested high on IQ. Some were tested for Gifted programs and some were tested for private. They are very different. Some are creative, some are painstakingly analytical some are verbal some are organized some are not.
I have enjoyed digging a little deeper into their scores to understand their strengths.

But the only good it ever seemed to do is force teachers to take them seriously.

Anonymous wrote:It's so funny how everyone jumps to words like "genius" and "gifted" lately. Your kid may be smart, compared to their immediate peers.
How do they stack up against kids in China today?

Does well in comparison: Bilingual English/Mandarin thanks to his immersion school, good at math.

It's so funny how everyone jumps to words like "genius" and "gifted" lately. Your kid may be smart, compared to their immediate peers.
How do they stack up against kids in China today?

Anonymous wrote:Yes -- married smart man and both kids are very smart. Anyone heard of Darwin?

Ever heard of regression to the mean?

Yes -- married smart man and both kids are very smart. Anyone heard of Darwin?