Anonymous
Post 05/17/2012 22:59     Subject: Re:at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
Anonymous wrote:OP, good heavens, you are having a baby, something that happens to millions of women everyday. What would you do if you ever had a serious or life-threatening problem, e.g., brain tumor or open heart surgery. Stop being such a ninny.


If she had a tumor, people would not declare that they had a "right" to be in her hospital room after surgery, and have free reign in her house after ....
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2012 21:27     Subject: Re:at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
OP, good heavens, you are having a baby, something that happens to millions of women everyday. What would you do if you ever had a serious or life-threatening problem, e.g., brain tumor or open heart surgery. Stop being such a ninny.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2012 17:24     Subject: at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
Anonymous wrote:also...let them take care of you! when you get home from the hospital, have them prepare meals for you, run to the grocery store, pick up baby/mama supplies thy you didnt realize you needed, do dishes, and help wash laundry or clean the house.

The reality is that both you and DH will be tired and want to rest at times when the baby may or may not be asleep. Let the moms hold and rock the baby while you are sleeping, showering or taking a short break....

You don't have to let them be in the delivery room whil you are in labor, but why not let them be one of the first people to welcome baby into the world?


this never works (The let them take care of you). People get in the way, start telling you what you are doing wrong, and generally are not helpful since they are still guests in your home. People mean well but they like to impose and that causes more stress. I wish I had stuck to my original plan but instead was left crying from having to deal with obnoxious people that I knew had the tendency to be obnoxious. How is it unfair for his parents not to stay? You are your mother's child, You will need your mother and not his.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2012 13:18     Subject: at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
18:25 here. My inlaws also wanted to come during delivery a little bit (though not to the same extent as yours OP). I think it helped for me to talk to them about what I wanted (vs having DH do it) when it was really my preference and not his. You probably don't want to talk to them, but you might call MIL and pitch the plan you mentioned as graciously as possible.

Say that DH just doesn't get how long first labors usually are and how stressful new momhood is but that you know that MIL can sympathize with you.

Emphasize that you want them to meet baby as soon as possible and that you want them to be a big part of baby's life.

Then say that you are really stressing out about this, you feel like you may need more space and privacy the first week. Say that you hate asking them to stay in a hotel but it will make you really uncomfortable if you have to breastfeed in front of FIL and entertain all the time.

Ask if she can help you talk to DH about it because it has become a source of conflict for you two. See if she will agree to a shorter visit up front and a longer visit soon after.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2012 11:44     Subject: at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
One issue that another poster had brought up with calling them immediately is what if you are having Braxton Hicks contractions, and you dont really go into labor then??
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2012 18:36     Subject: at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
OP, I'm a bit confused. Your original post said that you wanted no contact with the ILs in the first two weeks; now you're ready to allow them to come and visit for a few hours a day. That's a big shift - is it recent? Have you spoken with them about this change of heart, or has your husband? Maybe his maximalist terms about calling them the second labor starts etc were just a reaction to your original unreasonableness. Honestly I think you would be better off hashing this out in person with your husband, and if he proves unwilling to budge, directly with your ILs... rather than posting repeatedly here.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2012 18:25     Subject: at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
My rule was no one in the hospital during labor, okay to visit after for 30 min or so and no overnight visitors for the first week. This did cause problems with my mom, who lives in FL at first. She came around day 10and and stayed 5 days. She came back again a few weeks later and I went to her during the third week.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2012 18:14     Subject: Re:at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
Anonymous wrote:
To the pp who asked: his parents don't want to be in the DR (ew to ANYONE besides DH on my part!), but are insisting that they come visit at the hospital. Here is my compromise, as stated to DH:
-parents are called when I am admitted to hospital, they can come and stay at the hotel
-when I deliver, IF I feel like having guests, both sets of parents can come to hospital
-when we come home, it will just be my mom, if anyone, to stay the night, but everyone else is welcome to visit during the day for short periods of time
-parents leave after a day or so, and then come back up after a few weeks once we're all settled for a more extended stay, and can stay with us

DH/his parents want:
-to be notified at first contractions (even if I'm not in active labor) so they can drive up immediately
-come to hospital during labor, presumably stay in waiting room (no one has mentioned DR)
-have unlimited access to be in hospital room with db, regardless of how I'm feeling
-mom stay the night in the house, and parents to have full access of house during the day. I'm expected to use the nursery if I need privacy.
-parents to stay in the area for the entire first week

Again, I WANT to share the baby with his parents, I'm fine if they are around, come visit if I feel up to it, etc. I just want my feelings and desires to be considered. DH is refusing to commit to the "wait and see" approach-he says that if he can't tell his parents that they are welcome in the house and hospital room regardless, they will be upset and it's not fair to them.


Your proposal is a totally reasonable compro,mise (even though I don't think you had to compromise on allowing neither or both sets of parents...). Your husband's parents are being the high maintenance, bratty, demanding party here, in my opinion. I think this is going to be indicative of your life to come. be prepared. i have sen lots of marriages suffer because of demanding, overbearing in laws (and husbands who are not willling to you hvae your back with them). just wait and see. once you ahve kids everything changes and in laws you got along great with are now the bane of your existence. my MIL is constantly "competing" with my mom for my child's attention and opportunity to be with her. and she has opinons on everything. luckily, my husband is good at standing up to her.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2012 16:34     Subject: at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say that the families can come for short visits (1 hour or so) when you get home from the hospital but no more. That includes your mom. Compromise.


This. OP, you don't know how you're going to feel. Having your own mother stay the night may drive you nuts.

My inlaws live three hours away, and they came to visit for approximately two hours about a week after the baby was born, per our invitation.


But if OP changes her mind and shoos her mom away, she can do that. She obviously won't be able to do that with her in-laws because they're foaming at the mouth at that very possibility.