Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the "how do you see yourself when you are elderly" thread and it just dawned on me that I will be 58 when you youngest child hits 18 (goes off to college). If they follow my lead in terms of when they have children I will be 70 before I see a grandchild. I am already having a hard time dealing with a 2yo - not because of low energy or anything like that - I just dont want to be bothered with the usual toddler drama. I am hoping its just a phase but I really wish that my kids were teenagers already - why did I wait so long.

No, this means you will be 80, right? 40+40

No 75, I had my first at 35, hopefully she will start a bit earlier that I did.

I don't actually know anyone who "chose" to wait more than a couple of years after marrying to have kids, and most of them didn't wait more than a couple years to marry once they found the guy. So let's drop that BS right now about choosing our careers over kids in our child-bearing years. Most of us had babies late because we had to, not because we chose to. The alternative would have been to have babies as single moms (which sets off the smug married types) or marry the wrong guy just to have kids, which drives the "should I divorce my asshole hubby?" posts. Instead we chose to make the best of the reality we're in, and we are looking at the positives of having kids late. What the hell good does it do to sit around saying, "oh, i should have had kids at 25 so I can be a grandma by 55." ugh.

Look, having kids young is no guarantee you'll ever see your grandkids. My mother met my father at 18 or 19 and married him at 21. He was her first and only lover, and she had me at 25. And she died at 41, when I was 16. She never saw her grandkids. I might meet my grandkids or not. I could follow my mom's lead and die at 41, there's no way of knowing. Or I could live to be 86, like most of the women in my family, and see my daughter have kids or not. (she'd be 50 at that point.) "living to see my grandkids" is kind of a weird reason to have kids young or to criticize someone for not having kids young. (and frankly, that puts a lot of pressure on your kids to have their own kids. that should be a decision they make independently of you.)

You know, not every older parent waited to focus on their career etc. As a child of divorced parents, I wanted to be sure it was the right person. When I finally met him and fell madly in love, I was 31. Had first child at 34, and want to have second at 36. So while I'm an "older" parent, it's not because I chose to have it this way. More important than the age you are when you have a child is being with the right partner and setting a healthy foundation.

While I didn't put a family on hold to focus on myself, because I didn't meet DH until I was 31 I was forced to be independent, make a life of my own, focus on myself as a person etc. I'm so grateful for that time now.

So, while I always pictured being in my 20's for this phase of my life, I'm in my 30's. Would there have been certain "pros" had I met my DH when I was younger and got an earlier start? I guess you can look at it that way. But - I feel so blessed, have an amazing marriage, in better shape physically than ever, and have learned a lot in the last years that I feel makes me a better mom. I'm also way more patient than I ever was in my 20's.

I think each person and family is different, but for us we wouldn't have it any other way!

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the "how do you see yourself when you are elderly" thread and it just dawned on me that I will be 58 when you youngest child hits 18 (goes off to college). If they follow my lead in terms of when they have children I will be 70 before I see a grandchild. I am already having a hard time dealing with a 2yo - not becasue of low energy or anything like that - I just dont want to be bothered with the usual toddler drama. I am hoping its just a phase but I really wish that my kids were teenagers already - why did I wait so long.

Doesn't that make 80?

Yes, I wish that I had started sooner than 39 and had more children...would have loved to have 5 rather than 2.
Will counsel my dd to avoid my path.

My life is SO good right now (great child, husband, career, house, etc.) that I'm not sure what I could change and still end up with the same level of happiness. Everything builds on what came before, right? That being said, now that I have a child, I see how delightful and fun it is, and I wish that somehow I could (while still keeping everything else the same - all the travel, all the jobs, all the fun) be five years younger . . . (I had her at 40 and realize that I will likely miss out on stuff on the back end . . . ). Good news is my mom had me (unplanned) at nineteen, so she is still a "normal" aged grandma! Ditto my dad.

Anonymous wrote:This is a question that only strikes a chord in DC and NYC. The problem is that if your kids follow the same path and marry and have kids late in life, each generation is less likely to even be around for their grandkids. The grass is always greener, but in the end, it's all about family. F the career. F travel. F having fun playing around. None of this matters if there are no grandparents in the picture. Can you tell I want to get the F out of DC? All we do is work here.

Two of my grandparents died before I was born, and I wasn't close to my other two. I don't really care if my kids stay close to their grandparents.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it gets a little old hearing people talk about how they needed to live their lives before having a kid at 40. You will likely die before your child is finished needing you, and not really get to have much of an experience with grandchildren. Kinda selfish to keep saying me, me, me, I traveled!! Think it, fine, but no one is impressed. You should be less worried about your energy level than the fact that you will probably miss out on a lot of DC's life, and may saddle the kid with an aging parent while he/she has young children. Just sayin', save the "I lived, and that's what's important" crap.

My mother had her first at age 27, but still didn't get to spend more than one year as a grandmother. Cancer sucks. No guarantees in life.

God no. If could do things over again, I'm not sure I'd have a child at all.

I came from a highly religious family -- no sex ed ever; my mother told me a ton of lies about sex & babies that I didn't even realize were untrue until I went to college and heard stories from my friends. I "did it" for the first time at 21 and literally got pregnant five weeks later. To be honest, it really screwed up my life for the next decade. I had no family support and no money for childcare. My husband was also a student at the time, so no money from him either.

The good thing is that I finally graduated (very, very late) and have a decent middle-class job now. The bad thing is that I am married to someone I so would not have married if he hadn't gotten me pregnant, and I simply can't leave until DS is 18. We're doing ok financially now, but the situation is still precarious enough that if we were to NOT share our income/rental costs, everyone would suffer.

I don't know how all these young moms are doing well; maybe they have a lot of family support or really love their spouses or something. For me, it wasn't so easy, and I definitely would NOT recommend getting knocked up before you're financially & emotionally ready :-/

Funny, I was driving home from Target today with my 10 year old daughter and suddenly thought that when she's my age (49) I will most likely be dead. And I got all teary and had to hide it from her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it gets a little old hearing people talk about how they needed to live their lives before having a kid at 40. You will likely die before your child is finished needing you, and not really get to have much of an experience with grandchildren. Kinda selfish to keep saying me, me, me, I traveled!! Think it, fine, but no one is impressed. You should be less worried about your energy level than the fact that you will probably miss out on a lot of DC's life, and may saddle the kid with an aging parent while he/she has young children. Just sayin', save the "I lived, and that's what's important" crap.

Wow - what a "mature" response from a young parent!

LOL!

Get over yourself.

Shit happens, fool, and you deal. Not everyone gets knocked up at 23 (or 15, according to the PP). I had no interventions - had both as one-shot deals at 37 and 41. Do you think I should regret having them so "late" in life? They're great kids who are happy and have everything they need. They attend private, which we can afford b/c we're so goddamn old, according to you, and they have activities and friends to keep them occupied. And even I have energy to take them to the park!! Imagine that! I'm 45!

I don't understand the venom, PP. Are you jealous? I work PT, have a nanny, and and OLD mother (75 - God forbid she should still drive) who steps in when there's a conflict in our schedules, as we both work.

And guess what? I have my summers off! So I'm with my children - no need for camp!!!!!

I have a good life for an old gal, no? I'm healthy, in pretty good shape (despite some urinary incontinence), and energetic.

And b/c we're so fucking old, we invested in long-term healthcare. Does that make you happy? At least my kids won't be wiping my ass and changing my diapers in the next few years.

You make me laugh, PP. You must be incredibly insecure to post such inane comments.

yawn . . . Get some rest; tomorrow is another day.

You are a great mom, we get it, you have an awesome job-yay on you.

You do realize that you will never be your mom though-she was a young mom, having you at 30? If your children follow your lead, you will not even meet your first grandchild until you are 74 and then 78. All i can say is eat healthy, keep slim, and exercise a lot. Your could be 92 when your oldest grand child graduates high school. Or maybe you will get lucky and your kids will settle down early, giving you a gift of 10 12 extra years...and even a graduation or two.

Not the same poster you are lashing out at PP, but wow - you need to be medicated, you sound miserable! One thing I can say for sure: I'd rather be the child of older, kind, loving parents than someone like you. Good luck finding happiness in your life, you're going to need it.

This is a question that only strikes a chord in DC and NYC. The problem is that if your kids follow the same path and marry and have kids late in life, each generation is less likely to even be around for their grandkids. The grass is always greener, but in the end, it's all about family. F the career. F travel. F having fun playing around. None of this matters if there are no grandparents in the picture. Can you tell I want to get the F out of DC? All we do is work here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it gets a little old hearing people talk about how they needed to live their lives before having a kid at 40. You will likely die before your child is finished needing you, and not really get to have much of an experience with grandchildren. Kinda selfish to keep saying me, me, me, I traveled!! Think it, fine, but no one is impressed. You should be less worried about your energy level than the fact that you will probably miss out on a lot of DC's life, and may saddle the kid with an aging parent while he/she has young children. Just sayin', save the "I lived, and that's what's important" crap.

Wow - what a "mature" response from a young parent!

LOL!

Get over yourself.

Shit happens, fool, and you deal. Not everyone gets knocked up at 23 (or 15, according to the PP). I had no interventions - had both as one-shot deals at 37 and 41. Do you think I should regret having them so "late" in life? They're great kids who are happy and have everything they need. They attend private, which we can afford b/c we're so goddamn old, according to you, and they have activities and friends to keep them occupied. And even I have energy to take them to the park!! Imagine that! I'm 45!

I don't understand the venom, PP. Are you jealous? I work PT, have a nanny, and and OLD mother (75 - God forbid she should still drive) who steps in when there's a conflict in our schedules, as we both work.

And guess what? I have my summers off! So I'm with my children - no need for camp!!!!!

I have a good life for an old gal, no? I'm healthy, in pretty good shape (despite some urinary incontinence), and energetic.

And b/c we're so fucking old, we invested in long-term healthcare. Does that make you happy? At least my kids won't be wiping my ass and changing my diapers in the next few years.

You make me laugh, PP. You must be incredibly insecure to post such inane comments.

yawn . . . Get some rest; tomorrow is another day.

You are a great mom, we get it, you have an awesome job-yay on you.

You do realize that you will never be your mom though-she was a young mom, having you at 30? If your children follow your lead, you will not even meet your first grandchild until you are 74 and then 78. All i can say is eat healthy, keep slim, and exercise a lot. Your could be 92 when your oldest grand child graduates high school. Or maybe you will get lucky and your kids will settle down early, giving you a gift of 10 12 extra years...and even a graduation or two.

Anonymous wrote:17:15 here. Just wanted to say thanks to 17:32 & 19:33 for your kind words. It has not always been easy, but it's definitely been an interesting ride. I realize that I am incredibly lucky to not only have a supportive family, but also to have managed to find a man that stuck by me and is very focused on providing a good life for his family. We sometimes have little "look at us now" moments and I'm always so proud of my husband. His father was out of the home and not the best, so I'm so glad that, despite growing up with a single Mom, he turned out to be such a great Dad and husband.

19:33, the story about your friend gives me hope. Although you can never tell what kids will do (I'm a perfect example..no one suspected because I was such a bookworm!), I believe that my children are on the right path. My oldest is an honor student and will be off to college in 2013. Fortunately for me, she's not interested in having a boyfriend (she is a bit socially awkward...both a curse and a blessing for me as a Mom!).

Of course being a teen mom the statistic are stacked against you, but I think too many people on here have watched a few too many episodes of Teen Mom. I've seen some pretty horrific parenting out of "older" moms too.

My one and only experience is my friend who had her baby at 14 and you have a leg up on her. Her daughters father spent time in jail for drug dealing and in general turned out to be a HUGE loser, annd if she could be a great mom despite the horrible father, looks like you are almost home free! Good luck, you are breave posting your story on here, there are some really bitter birds who love nothing more than the attack on this site (as illustrated by them pratically calling your husband a rapist-I'm more worried about their kids than yours!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:too many self centered career women who don't realize their eggs are rotting away and their health.

two healthy kids from "old" eggs with NO interventions

VERY healthy kids . . .

What's your point?

If you live a healthy lifestyle, your body can produce some nice eggs, too!
Such jealousy from the young ones!

Actually that's not true. Nothing against older moms but unfortunately our eggs age with no connection to a healthy or unhealthy lifestyle. Weird and unjust.