Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a very involved dad. Access to my kids is the only reason I stay in my sexless marriage. I might as well be a monk.

I am a divorced single mom with a demanding career, two young children and no time for a relationship. We should hook up. No strings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree with the PP who resents having to ask for sex. (I assume what you mean is "beg" and not actually make clear that you want sex, which you should be doing.) I am a DW with a very healthy sex drive, and my DH and I had sex maybe five times in the last two years. Mind you, during that time I have been pregnant and then nursing but still horny as hell. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and my sex life consists mostly of masturbation.

My husband has been diagnosed with borderline low testosterone. We have no insurance now, and even when we did, it doesn't cover the drugs/cream, which come to $200 a month. I used to be understanding of this, but now I'm not. First, where else are you spending $200 a month that you could be spending on drugs that would make me, your wife, happy? Why is that other purpose more important than my happiness? Secondly, even if your penis is taking a break, you're typing and talking at work all day long, so I know for a fact that your fingers and tongue are in good working order, and I need them more than I need your penis. Thirdly, there have been times in the past when my DH wanted it and I didn't (sleepy, period etc.) and I have always accommodated him by having sex anyway, or giving him oral because his happiness is important to me.

See, I think that when you marry someone and enter into a monogamous, legal bond, you should no longer have the right to say no to sex (for a long period of time, not occasionally), because you are de facto controlling the sex life of another human being. I am so angry and resentful that my husband decided, de facto, that my life will be free of sex from now on, without discussing this with me or at least bloody apologizing that he can't hack it now. If the roles were reversed, and I was rejecting him for two years, everyone, everyone in this society would have said to him, go ahead, get a piece on the side. I am married. Sex should be available on demand. On tap. And it isn't. It's like having a horrible boyfriend without the option to break up.

No one should be married and begging for sex. Sex in marriage is a human right.

Agree with you, you sound frustrated beyond belief. This is how many men feel everyday - 24/7. Welcome to the club.

I think in the Jewish religion, your husband's actions are ground for divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree with the PP who resents having to ask for sex. (I assume what you mean is "beg" and not actually make clear that you want sex, which you should be doing.) I am a DW with a very healthy sex drive, and my DH and I had sex maybe five times in the last two years. Mind you, during that time I have been pregnant and then nursing but still horny as hell. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and my sex life consists mostly of masturbation.

My husband has been diagnosed with borderline low testosterone. We have no insurance now, and even when we did, it doesn't cover the drugs/cream, which come to $200 a month. I used to be understanding of this, but now I'm not. First, where else are you spending $200 a month that you could be spending on drugs that would make me, your wife, happy? Why is that other purpose more important than my happiness? Secondly, even if your penis is taking a break, you're typing and talking at work all day long, so I know for a fact that your fingers and tongue are in good working order, and I need them more than I need your penis. Thirdly, there have been times in the past when my DH wanted it and I didn't (sleepy, period etc.) and I have always accommodated him by having sex anyway, or giving him oral because his happiness is important to me.

See, I think that when you marry someone and enter into a monogamous, legal bond, you should no longer have the right to say no to sex (for a long period of time, not occasionally), because you are de facto controlling the sex life of another human being. I am so angry and resentful that my husband decided, de facto, that my life will be free of sex from now on, without discussing this with me or at least bloody apologizing that he can't hack it now. If the roles were reversed, and I was rejecting him for two years, everyone, everyone in this society would have said to him, go ahead, get a piece on the side. I am married. Sex should be available on demand. On tap. And it isn't. It's like having a horrible boyfriend without the option to break up.

No one should be married and begging for sex. Sex in marriage is a human right.

Agree with you, you sound frustrated beyond belief. This is how many men feel everyday - 24/7. Welcome to the club.

Anonymous wrote:I am a very involved dad. Access to my kids is the only reason I stay in my sexless marriage. I might as well be a monk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest for the DHs in sexless marriages to start hitting the gym regularly and putting more thought into grooming and appearance. I'm a single mom now, but in your DWs shoes, I would definitely take notice if you suddenly lost the belly fat and were spending more time on your clothing. And didnt bother to ask me for sex for awhile, yet seemed happy nonetheless.

Didn't bother to ask me for sex for awhile...

Words can't explain how f'd up that statement is.

What is wrong with a person asking for what s/he needs in a marriage?

I (sincerely) don't understand what the problem with that statement is.

A man/woman should not be reduced to begging/asking/pleading to have their needs met. If you are at the point where you have to ask for sex then there is a problem.

Beg and plead are not synonyms for ask.

Call it what you want. I refuse to "ask" for sex.

Silly rabbit, you're not supposed to ask. In this "solution" you are to "not bother" to ask for sex (you get what you ask for!). Even better, you must pretend that all is hunky-dory while you are not asking for sex. If your feigned disinterest and/or unhappiness are uncovered, then you lose the game, which of course means no sex for you.

Now run along and do some crunches.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really do sound like a good guy, OP. Have you considered that maybe DW is having a hard time transitioning between thinking of herself as "mom" and "wife"? She may have lost herself in her identity as a mother and with that, her sex drive. You seem to have thought about this a lot, so maybe you've already tried, but things like date nights, etc., do you do that stuff? What opportunities does she have to be an adult woman?

I'm not OP but I am a DW. He said his kids are 9 and 7. Pretty sure she should have made the transition to "mom" by now. Mom and wife are NOT mutually exclusive. You don't get a pass for struggling with your identity when you've been a mom for nearly a decade, come on. I hate this notion that women have to be coddled- constantly complimented, wooed, pursued to be made to feel attractive, yet also left alone for "me time" and "woman time" in order for her to be a contributing member of her marital relationship. NO. You get married, you say vows, which include forsaking all others. The implication being, you're forsaking them FOR ME. Not FOR NOTHING. Sorry, I think sex and intimacy in a marriage is each spouse's right. Women shouldn't have to have their feet kissed and all their changing whims met on a daily basis for their husbands to feel like they've "earned" sex.

That's not what I'm saying. But, the OP's DW could have gotten emotionally stuck and may need to work through it. You obviously don't have a lot of compassion for that.

Nope, not really. I have compassion for the people who are stuck in a lifeless marriage with these individuals who are happy to sit around and perpetrate the status quo upon their spouse because they're too lazy or unmotivated to make a change and don't care to because they know their husband/wife will stick around for the kids.

I feel sorry for your spouse and family.

LOL you go right ahead, but my husband's not the one posting on an anonymous message board about how I make him so miserable he'd be gone if it weren't for the kids. We have this neat thing known as "give and take" in our marriage.

You mean you have a "give and take" until your DH or kids turn up with a serious mental health or health problem that infringes on your needs. At that point you'll be blaming them for their problems and telling them to just buck it up. Good luck with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18.07 probably refuses to have sex with her own husband but thinks of herself as a martyr, clearly.

No one has the right to demand celibacy from their spouse. DHs: do you want to be right or happy? If happy, then cheat. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

This is the involuntary celibate wife poster above. If all I wanted was to get my rocks off, I'd cheat in a minute. There are so many options for a woman if she looks tolerably well, much more so than for a man, with a lot less effort involved.

What's keeping me?

Two things. I still think it is impossible to involve a third person without hurting a primary bond between two spouses. And secondly, I don't want to sleep with just any random man. I want to have sex with, and receive affection from my husband, the man who married me, fathered my child and promised to make me happy. It's not a plug and play situation.

Anonymous wrote:18.07 probably refuses to have sex with her own husband but thinks of herself as a martyr, clearly.

No one has the right to demand celibacy from their spouse. DHs: do you want to be right or happy? If happy, then cheat. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's yer myth: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm

I see your poor undertanding of statistics and raise you analysis:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html

To wit:

"At this point, unless there's some kind of turnaround, I wouldn't expect any cohort to reach 50 percent, since none already has," said Dr. Rose M. Kreider, a demographer in the Fertility and Family Statistics Branch of the Census Bureau.

Boo-yah.

And I will raise again for selective quotation, and misspelling when you attempt to demonstrate your superior intelligence ("untertanding" sic).

From the article you cited:

"Dr. Larry Bumpass, an emeritus professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin's Center for Demography and Ecology, has long held that divorce rates will eventually reach or exceed 50 percent. In an interview, he said that it was "probably right" that the official divorce statistics might fall below 50 percent, but that the rate would still be close.

"'About half is still a very sensible statement,' he said."

Granted that this is written by a guy named "Bumpass," but still.

NB: Please, let us not let this thread degenerate into the assfucking thread over in the explicit section of the site.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest for the DHs in sexless marriages to start hitting the gym regularly and putting more thought into grooming and appearance. I'm a single mom now, but in your DWs shoes, I would definitely take notice if you suddenly lost the belly fat and were spending more time on your clothing. And didnt bother to ask me for sex for awhile, yet seemed happy nonetheless.

Didn't bother to ask me for sex for awhile...

Words can't explain how f'd up that statement is.

What is wrong with a person asking for what s/he needs in a marriage?

I (sincerely) don't understand what the problem with that statement is.

A man/woman should not be reduced to begging/asking/pleading to have their needs met. If you are at the point where you have to ask for sex then there is a problem.

Beg and plead are not synonyms for ask.

Call it what you want. I refuse to "ask" for sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really do sound like a good guy, OP. Have you considered that maybe DW is having a hard time transitioning between thinking of herself as "mom" and "wife"? She may have lost herself in her identity as a mother and with that, her sex drive. You seem to have thought about this a lot, so maybe you've already tried, but things like date nights, etc., do you do that stuff? What opportunities does she have to be an adult woman?

I'm not OP but I am a DW. He said his kids are 9 and 7. Pretty sure she should have made the transition to "mom" by now. Mom and wife are NOT mutually exclusive. You don't get a pass for struggling with your identity when you've been a mom for nearly a decade, come on. I hate this notion that women have to be coddled- constantly complimented, wooed, pursued to be made to feel attractive, yet also left alone for "me time" and "woman time" in order for her to be a contributing member of her marital relationship. NO. You get married, you say vows, which include forsaking all others. The implication being, you're forsaking them FOR ME. Not FOR NOTHING. Sorry, I think sex and intimacy in a marriage is each spouse's right. Women shouldn't have to have their feet kissed and all their changing whims met on a daily basis for their husbands to feel like they've "earned" sex.

That's not what I'm saying. But, the OP's DW could have gotten emotionally stuck and may need to work through it. You obviously don't have a lot of compassion for that.

Nope, not really. I have compassion for the people who are stuck in a lifeless marriage with these individuals who are happy to sit around and perpetrate the status quo upon their spouse because they're too lazy or unmotivated to make a change and don't care to because they know their husband/wife will stick around for the kids.

I feel sorry for your spouse and family.

LOL you go right ahead, but my husband's not the one posting on an anonymous message board about how I make him so miserable he'd be gone if it weren't for the kids. We have this neat thing known as "give and take" in our marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Here's yer myth: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm