Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 20:04     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Maybe I march to my own drum but I understand both sides.

OP you can do either. If you choose to have the "dutch" restaurant option, you MUST say so on the evite/email, so no one is caught off guard. Specify a range of what the entrees cost ("entrees $15.-$20. per person"), and if they have a full bar ("full bar available independently if you choose"). You can provide a link to their menu.

I understand not necessarily wanting to host at your house, it is a lot of work.

That said, we have also hosted a lot of parties and it does not have to be a big deal. I agree the areas you are using have to be spotless. You can get some great food from Costco type places, and "done". You have some great ideas that work fine here.

People might not be receptive to board games, but have them on hand just in case. You might not need them. I would only put a start time and if it adults only or not. Four hours sounds like a long night, but maybe I am just old.

Have fun!
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 19:45     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:Holy crap. If I got an e-vite for any kind of restaurant get-together, regardless of the situation, I would assume I'm paying for me and my husband (unless it was a work party thrown by my boss or something). I think I travel in different circles than most DCUMers.


This isn't a DCUM thing. This is a common sense, common courtesy, common etiquette thing.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 19:42     Subject: Re:Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm a younger generation than everyone here, but we always go Dutch on bday dinners. Usually in lieu of gifts.


This.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 18:19     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op - just do what works for you. The down to earth people won't care and you can weed out the pretentious people who do care. Make this about celebrating your husbands birthday and not about worrying about etiquette.


I consider myself pretty down to earth and chill. That said, being invited to someone's spouse's bday party and being asked to foot the bill would leave a sour taste in my mouth. Etiquette isn't some stuffy outdated way of behaving; it exists for a reason and for these exact situations. That said, there is no reason for 17:25 to be so mean about it. She indicated she is willing to change her initial plan and she didn't really know better. Anyway, 17:37 and those who gave similar advice (including myself earlier) are right on. You can throw a super chill party on a budget of maybe $150. Go buy some cheap wine (there are decent tasting Chilean red wines for around 9 bucks and you can get a cheap sparkling like cava or prosecco for around 10 bucks) and some Bud Light and for food some of those Giant Simply Enjoy brand frozen appetizers, a cheese platter, crackers, and a small sheet cake. Turn on a little music, light a couple candles, and I think you will have a lovely time.


OP here. What about board games? Do people tend to play these at parties like this? I guess I'm concerned about the party atmosphere/mingling because not all the couples I would invite know each other. I don't have a social circle--just know different people from different places--i.e. work, volunteering, etc. Is that a problem for a party like this?


So when I've thrown parties with people who don't necessarily all know each other most of the time I would say that everyone just chills and ends up sipping, nibbling, and chatting with one another. That's why the booze is crucial. Social lubricant is important when people don't all know each other and gets conversations going. As far as board games, I would play it by ear. Games like Taboo and Pictionary are really fun group games so you could have something like that ready to go and ask folks if the moment seems right if anyone is up for playing.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 18:16     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
I haven't read all the responses, but friends did this for a milestone bday, complete with private room and special menu... and then passed the bill around. I was horrified, it cost of a lot by our standards and we brought a nice gift because we thought it was a hosted party. It's just an awful position to put your guests in.... I still love our friends but the thought of that still makes me question what was going through their minds.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 18:06     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op - just do what works for you. The down to earth people won't care and you can weed out the pretentious people who do care. Make this about celebrating your husbands birthday and not about worrying about etiquette.


I consider myself pretty down to earth and chill. That said, being invited to someone's spouse's bday party and being asked to foot the bill would leave a sour taste in my mouth. Etiquette isn't some stuffy outdated way of behaving; it exists for a reason and for these exact situations. That said, there is no reason for 17:25 to be so mean about it. She indicated she is willing to change her initial plan and she didn't really know better. Anyway, 17:37 and those who gave similar advice (including myself earlier) are right on. You can throw a super chill party on a budget of maybe $150. Go buy some cheap wine (there are decent tasting Chilean red wines for around 9 bucks and you can get a cheap sparkling like cava or prosecco for around 10 bucks) and some Bud Light and for food some of those Giant Simply Enjoy brand frozen appetizers, a cheese platter, crackers, and a small sheet cake. Turn on a little music, light a couple candles, and I think you will have a lovely time.


OP here. What about board games? Do people tend to play these at parties like this? I guess I'm concerned about the party atmosphere/mingling because not all the couples I would invite know each other. I don't have a social circle--just know different people from different places--i.e. work, volunteering, etc. Is that a problem for a party like this?
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 18:03     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:Op - just do what works for you. The down to earth people won't care and you can weed out the pretentious people who do care. Make this about celebrating your husbands birthday and not about worrying about etiquette.


I consider myself pretty down to earth and chill. That said, being invited to someone's spouse's bday party and being asked to foot the bill would leave a sour taste in my mouth. Etiquette isn't some stuffy outdated way of behaving; it exists for a reason and for these exact situations. That said, there is no reason for 17:25 to be so mean about it. She indicated she is willing to change her initial plan and she didn't really know better. Anyway, 17:37 and those who gave similar advice (including myself earlier) are right on. You can throw a super chill party on a budget of maybe $150. Go buy some cheap wine (there are decent tasting Chilean red wines for around 9 bucks and you can get a cheap sparkling like cava or prosecco for around 10 bucks) and some Bud Light and for food some of those Giant Simply Enjoy brand frozen appetizers, a cheese platter, crackers, and a small sheet cake. Turn on a little music, light a couple candles, and I think you will have a lovely time.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 18:01     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Holy crap. If I got an e-vite for any kind of restaurant get-together, regardless of the situation, I would assume I'm paying for me and my husband (unless it was a work party thrown by my boss or something). I think I travel in different circles than most DCUMers.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 17:53     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
What's your budget, OP? How much can you afford to spend?
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 17:46     Subject: Re:Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm a younger generation than everyone here, but we always go Dutch on bday dinners. Usually in lieu of gifts.


Here's a tip from someone older, it is rude to invite someone to a party and then expect them to pay for their dinner.

OP, either pay, or invite people over for cake. Do you invite other kids to your kid's birthday party and then expect their parents to pay? No, same difference.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 17:45     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
OP. Chill. It will be fine. Do as PPs have said and get dessert and maybe some snacks from Trader Joe/Wegman's/WF. Get or make a cake. Have PLENTY of beer and wine. Maybe champagne for a toast. Have a playlist of decent music, don't turn on all the lights, throw around a couple of candles and bam, it's a party. Everyone will love it.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 17:44     Subject: Re:Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:Let's not be mean to the OP; she asked for advice and seems prepared to act on it. Good for her. OP, I'm in my 40's and we entertain a lot, because we love to cook and have people over. While some of our friends reciprocate, some don't, and I'm always surprised when I hear people say that they never have parties, because it's so intimidating. (Athough having read some of these responses, I think I get it). Anyway, your hsuband has a big birthday and you want to have a celebration but you don't have a big place and finances are tight. So work with what you have. First of all, most people love to be invited over. It doesn't have to be super fancy or expensive, you could get a bunch of chicken from a Peruvian or West Indian place, heat up some rolls, toss a big salad, and voila! Dinner. Add a sheet cake, some beer/wine or sangria, and you've got a party! Or get some pans of lasagna/pasta. Use paper plates and napkins, put on some music, be warm and welcoming, and people will have a good time. And if they turn up their noses, they're not folks you want to hang out with in the future.


+1

People will come over prepared to have a good time. They're not looking to evaluate your furniture or have a gourmet meal. Have simple food, nice drinks & a good cake; play fun music, set up some good party-atmosphere lighting, and just relax and enjoy. The stakes aren't that high; it's a party!
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 17:43     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Op - just do what works for you. The down to earth people won't care and you can weed out the pretentious people who do care. Make this about celebrating your husbands birthday and not about worrying about etiquette.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 17:37     Subject: Re:Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Let's not be mean to the OP; she asked for advice and seems prepared to act on it. Good for her. OP, I'm in my 40's and we entertain a lot, because we love to cook and have people over. While some of our friends reciprocate, some don't, and I'm always surprised when I hear people say that they never have parties, because it's so intimidating. (Athough having read some of these responses, I think I get it). Anyway, your hsuband has a big birthday and you want to have a celebration but you don't have a big place and finances are tight. So work with what you have. First of all, most people love to be invited over. It doesn't have to be super fancy or expensive, you could get a bunch of chicken from a Peruvian or West Indian place, heat up some rolls, toss a big salad, and voila! Dinner. Add a sheet cake, some beer/wine or sangria, and you've got a party! Or get some pans of lasagna/pasta. Use paper plates and napkins, put on some music, be warm and welcoming, and people will have a good time. And if they turn up their noses, they're not folks you want to hang out with in the future.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2012 17:25     Subject: Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
Anonymous wrote:I'm planning a surprise birthday party for my DH. I want to organize a dinner at a restaurant, and then have everyone come back to our house for cake, drinks, desserts, and hanging out.

Anyhow, I am going to send out an evite, but how do I get it across that the dinner at the restaurant is dutch, and we're not paying for everyone's meals? My sister seems to think that the guests will all think that DH and I are paying for their dinners. Personally, I wouldn't assume that from getting an invitation like that and would assume it would be dutch. Is she right? Will they assume that we're paying for them?

How would you phrase this on an invitation to make it clear that we will all be going dutch?


totally tacky

If you can't afford it, don't do it.

I'd definitely decline.

pathetic