Look, no one's going to love 100% of the things you do. Just do whatever you think works for you and your child, and go with it.

It smacks to me as a veiled boast and socail posturing.

"Look how well off we are. Our child is just so BLESSED with so much ABUNDANCE that she is happy to forgo receiving presents in exchange for donations for the needy. Aren't we so rich...I mean FORTUNATE?? I mean, from whom much is given, much is expected, right?"

not to mention the more subtle:

"Look what good parents we are. We are teaching our children about giving and selflessness. We will not be those 'greedy' parents who allow their children to accept gifts on their birthdays to fill their already full and overflowing toyboxes. By making this part of our child's birthday invitation, everyone will get to see and be a part of our wonderful generous actions. Aren't we so generous and selfless people?"

Instead, you could tell you child that they could choose to keep the gifts they received and donate an old toy to charity, or donate the new toy to Toys For Tots. But that doesn't make the socail statement you are looking for.

Frankly, the money you are spending on the party may likely be more than the value of all the gifts she would get combined. Why not just tell you are going to skip the party this year and give the money you would've spent to the needy. Make a special dinner at home. Bake a cake with her, blow out the candles and mail a check. Much more generous but with less social fanfare. Unless you decide to send out an email announcing your decision to do this, of course.

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you say more about why you have to have an ask at all? Why not just "no gifts please." What's the point of bringing a canned good?

I assume the point of bringing a canned good is to collectively do something that will benefit people who are in need, no?

Anonymous wrote:I would never, EVER say anything to the child / to my child / to an adult in the drop-off line, but ...

I would be irritated. I would bring a can of soup and play along, but this trend bothers me.

I'm tired of being hit up for Steve's favorite cause, and starting at age 8 doesn't make it more palatable. Coworkers asking for $ so they can Walk for Fingernail Cancer. Wedding couples asking me to buy part of a milk cow for a family in Mozambique. ALL of my friends' 25 year old kids hitting me up for $$ for the non-profits they started in order to look good so they can get admitted to a top-5 MBA program. Mustaches for Kids.

Enough. With the ersatz creative ways to ask me for cash and cash equivalents.

If Anabel's mom thinks Anabel has too much stuff, then 1. she should stop buying Anabel so much stuff herself the other 363 days a year. 2. She should say "your presence is the only gift requested" on the kids invite.

Done, boom. Anabel's mom, stop using me as a pawn in your quest to demonstrate selflessness to Anabel.

Quite a rant. I'm surprised you'd rather be hit up for traditional gifts than for gifts that help other people. As for resenting that you have to use your income to buy an extra can of soup, are you saying your child buys birthday gifts with her or his own money and not yours? I would assume not. Money is money; I'd rather mine go to food for a food bank than to yet another toy for a kid who already has too many. Something about the logic doesn't quite hold up here.

At any rate, OP, I would not be annoyed by this kind of invitation. Nor would I impute to you the motives that this poster does.

As long as people (or animals!) in need benefit, I think it's a fine idea and can teach both children and parents to be more charitable. People in this area could certainly use that lesson.

Forced charity seems to be the IN thing nowadays.

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:I know of a mom that had a party like that for her son. Collecting donations for the local animal shelter. She raised several hundred dollars in food, toys, and giftcards. Took it to the shelter and get a receipt to take it off of her taxes.

If the donations came from others, it is fraudulent to take the deduction (not to mention skanky).

Anonymous wrote:I would never, EVER say anything to the child / to my child / to an adult in the drop-off line, but ...

I would be irritated. I would bring a can of soup and play along, but this trend bothers me.

I'm tired of being hit up for Steve's favorite cause, and starting at age 8 doesn't make it more palatable. Coworkers asking for $ so they can Walk for Fingernail Cancer. Wedding couples asking me to buy part of a milk cow for a family in Mozambique. ALL of my friends' 25 year old kids hitting me up for $$ for the non-profits they started in order to look good so they can get admitted to a top-5 MBA program. Mustaches for Kids.

Enough. With the ersatz creative ways to ask me for cash and cash equivalents.

If Anabel's mom thinks Anabel has too much stuff, then 1. she should stop buying Anabel so much stuff herself the other 363 days a year. 2. She should say "your presence is the only gift requested" on the kids invite.

Done, boom. Anabel's mom, stop using me as a pawn in your quest to demonstrate selflessness to Anabel.

I have to say I agree with this PP. I'd go along and keep my feelings quiet, but I don't like this trend. It annoys me.

I know of a mom that had a party like that for her son. Collecting donations for the local animal shelter. She raised several hundred dollars in food, toys, and giftcards. Took it to the shelter and get a receipt to take it off of her taxes.

Sure, whatever the family wants would be fine.

It's a great idea. My guess is that the ones who are complaining, are miserable in their personal life and their response has nothing actually to do with the idea. People who are secure with who they are and where they are in life have a high tendency to find the positive in about any situation. Again, great idea and life lesson.