Never!

Never, ever is it OK to use terms like that with your spouse at any time!!! ........with one exception, if you're role playing in the bedroom and you both know it's just for fun.

Make two tapes if him saying stuff like that. Tell him you are going to tape him. One you playback to him and one you put away in case you decide to separate.

Get ready for plan B to leave. Even if lightened it up, this sounds like his core. You would build a lot of resentment making it too hard to continue to stay

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -

I'm curious - What was the final straw that broke the camel's back?

I do pray for happiness for you and your kids. It must not have been easy living with a husband like that. At some point, I would recommend talking with a counselor because years of verbal abuse can take a toll on your self esteem.

My mom and dad divorced when I was 3. It was the best thing for my mom, my sister, and I. My dad was verbally abusive and controlling. My mom was able to spread her wings after the divorce and I had a great, normal like childhood without my dad day to day in the house. I would have to visit him on vacations (he lived out of state) but my mom was a stronger role model for me without him around.

No to hijack, but why did your father live out of state?

My dad chose to live in another state so he could move in with a woman he was cheating on my mom with.

My father was henpecked by my mother for years. She was not evil at heart, but took out a lot of her frustrations on him & he cowered. For a couple of years, the whole family walked on eggshells around her. I hate to say it but I would not have blamed him for any name he would have called her. I wanted him to slap her a few times when she had the torment going full steam. She did it because she got away with it. Fortunately, she mellowed out in her later years & left most of that behind.

Anonymous wrote:OP -

I'm curious - What was the final straw that broke the camel's back?

I do pray for happiness for you and your kids. It must not have been easy living with a husband like that. At some point, I would recommend talking with a counselor because years of verbal abuse can take a toll on your self esteem.

My mom and dad divorced when I was 3. It was the best thing for my mom, my sister, and I. My dad was verbally abusive and controlling. My mom was able to spread her wings after the divorce and I had a great, normal like childhood without my dad day to day in the house. I would have to visit him on vacations (he lived out of state) but my mom was a stronger role model for me without him around.

No to hijack, but why did your father live out of state?

Good for you, OP! Wishing you a happy, prosperous future!

OP -

I'm curious - What was the final straw that broke the camel's back?

I do pray for happiness for you and your kids. It must not have been easy living with a husband like that. At some point, I would recommend talking with a counselor because years of verbal abuse can take a toll on your self esteem.

My mom and dad divorced when I was 3. It was the best thing for my mom, my sister, and I. My dad was verbally abusive and controlling. My mom was able to spread her wings after the divorce and I had a great, normal like childhood without my dad day to day in the house. I would have to visit him on vacations (he lived out of state) but my mom was a stronger role model for me without him around.

OP here - thanks for the congrats!!! It is awesome and there is such liberation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Finally divorcing. Wow was I in denial, it is so positive to be moving on and realize how toxic the dynamic was.....

You came back! And its been about a year....good for you! I hope you can move on in a more positive enviornment and goodluck to you and your kids!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Finally divorcing. Wow was I in denial, it is so positive to be moving on and realize how toxic the dynamic was.....

Good for you, OP! I wish you all the best.

OP here. Finally divorcing. Wow was I in denial, it is so positive to be moving on and realize how toxic the dynamic was.....

Not a good thing. A person doing that is often a bully but insecure too, jealous, afraid you will rise above him somehow.

Sadly though, I have seen a few families where a couple just brought out the worst in each other. I've visited friends whose parents were super as individuals, mostly good together. But if the slightest argument got started, lamps would be thrown, air thick with cursing, etc. I saw some of it in my parents, though not physical. My mother was very volatile for a long period, the family tiptoed around her. My father caught the worst of it from her. I hate to say this but I could not have blamed him for any name he would have called her. Fortunately, the years calmed her down & all things improved.

NO! Nothing else needs to be said. Tell him to stop or move on!

Hell no, it's not normal for DH to call wife those names.

precursor to D I V O R C E.. or worse