Anonymous wrote:this whole thread might be more confusing to me than anything else I've read on DCUM. as if talking about death and finances with people as close as your own flesh and blood was somehow a bad thing. weirdos.

ITA

this whole thread might be more confusing to me than anything else I've read on DCUM. as if talking about death and finances with people as close as your own flesh and blood was somehow a bad thing. weirdos.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really, truly hope I don't know any of the ones claiming to be owed anything. By anyone. Grow the f*ck up. Take responsibility for your own lives and how they did or did not take shape. Don't blame anyone else (including and especially an aged parent, you should be ashamed of yourself) for who you married. Disgusting.

I agree. My husband's mother and her sister could not WAIT until their mother died so that they could get her money. It was horrifying. I loved their mother and just hoped she would live to 110 and that she would spend every penny on herself before she died. And guess what, she lived to 98, and then my husband's mother died of lung cancer five years later. So she wasted twenty years of her life waiting for money that she wasn't even able to enjoy.

On the other hand, my family has all sorts of trusts set up, but we don't talk about them. I consider it all my parents' money - for a rainy day or medical issues or whatever they might need as they get old. I hate to even think about them because it would mean that something bad happened to my parents. So I hate this whole thread and the ways that people are wondering about how their parents' money will help finance their own retirements.

Gross.

What is gross, PP, if I may wonder? You're grossed out by thinking about medical issues? Or aging? Well, guess what? It is going to happen, to your parents, and, eventually, to you, and there is nothing wrong - I repeat, nothing wrong!! - to have wills, financial and medical, ready, and discussed with family members.

Of course, if you're sitting around waiting for aunt Sallie to kick the bucket and leave you a gazillion, you're a rotten human being. But you're also pretty immature, if you stick your head in the sand and pretend that nothing 'bad' will even happen to anyone.

"Totally agree. My parents paid for about 75% of both college and a wedding. "

DH and I are too proud to accept handouts.

Anonymous wrote:I have a disabled sibling that lives with my parents, so in our case it is important for me to know how they have handled her trust (I am the trustee) and how I (or my DH/children) will plan for her living situation. In some cases, not tacky, but essential.

Sure, if you're her trustee, you need to have a plan. That's different from most posters here.

I have a disabled sibling that lives with my parents, so in our case it is important for me to know how they have handled her trust (I am the trustee) and how I (or my DH/children) will plan for her living situation. In some cases, not tacky, but essential.

My mother spent much of her adult life fussing about the way her parents handled their money. Guess what? She died in her early 60s, years before her father did. What a waste of time and emotional energy!

Anonymous wrote:

If they gave you college and/or a wedding, thank God and call it a day o greedy ones. Wow. Just wow.

Totally agree. My parents paid for about 75% of both college and a wedding.

"well I am assuming the kids are not losers"

Why in the world would you just assume that?

NP here and have read all the pages. I did not get any inkling from OPs post that she needed the money or was relying on it at all OTHER than for the diasabled sibling which makes perfect sense.

My mom is in the process of going over my grandfathers estate with him and my uncle is disabled and has been in the same home his whole life. So of course my mom wants to make sure that he brother is taken care of long after my grandfather passes away and can resume living in the place he has his whole life.

I do not see anything wrong with OP wanting to know about the plan for the future or even the amounts. At some point these conversations have to happen. You have to know where are all the legal docs are and what to expect. Its perfectly normal in my opinion and I suppose thats because my family discusses these things.

Now relying on the money for houses, college, vacation, etc., yeah thats gross. But for the important things there is nothing wrong with openly discussing it.

I was in college when 9/11 hit and I remember my mom giving me a folder with every bank account, life insurance info., wills, etc., in case something happened to my parents (I went to school outside DC and she was worried they could attack again).

Planning is smart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really, truly hope I don't know any of the ones claiming to be owed anything. By anyone. Grow the f*ck up. Take responsibility for your own lives and how they did or did not take shape. Don't blame anyone else (including and especially an aged parent, you should be ashamed of yourself) for who you married. Disgusting.

I agree. My husband's mother and her sister could not WAIT until their mother died so that they could get her money. It was horrifying. I loved their mother and just hoped she would live to 110 and that she would spend every penny on herself before she died. And guess what, she lived to 98, and then my husband's mother died of lung cancer five years later. So she wasted twenty years of her life waiting for money that she wasn't even able to enjoy.

On the other hand, my family has all sorts of trusts set up, but we don't talk about them. I consider it all my parents' money - for a rainy day or medical issues or whatever they might need as they get old. I hate to even think about them because it would mean that something bad happened to my parents. So I hate this whole thread and the ways that people are wondering about how their parents' money will help finance their own retirements.

Gross.

you people are bizarre. Of course I expect my family to leave me an inheritance, and of course we discuss it. Just like I expect to leave my children an inheritance and I will discuss it with them. I consider all of it OUR money, not one individual.

Some researchers suspect that as many as half of all people over 80 years old develop Alzheimer's disease.

Do you expect to live independently and not need to spend huge sums of money, until the day you die?

if my parents get sick they will live with me. If I get sick when I am old, my kids will take care of me. again, its a family.

My mother, who has dementia, lives in an assisted living community and is moving to a nursing home shortly (her costs will increase to $500/day). She cannot walk, she can no longer feed herself (must be spoon-fed). She cannot turn in bed or in a chair/wheelchair, because the neuronal connections that tell her to shift position are gone. Therefore she gets bed and chair sores and has to be re-positioned every couple of hours. She is 100% incontinent and cannot toilet herself even if she can make it there with help (cannot walk). She cannot dress herself, brush her teeth, or groom herself. She is very confused and cries frequently because she doesn't know where my (deceased) dad is. She doesn't know what year it is, and cannot name her children. Most of the time she recognizes us, but not always.

So if your parents get "sick" as defined above, they will live with you - and who will care for them 24 hours/day?

For me - there is no way I will put my kids in the position of having to care for me to that degree. Never.

Why is it a poor sense of family to want to see my parents enjoying their retirement years enjoying themselves? Spending the money that they worked for their entire lives?

Anonymous wrote:Even if they live healthy to ripe old age, and have tons of money after all is said and done, what if they decide to give it all to charity? They have a right to do what they want. It is not your money. Geez, so grabby.

I'm sad that americans have such poor sense of family.

Even if they live healthy to ripe old age, and have tons of money after all is said and done, what if they decide to give it all to charity? They have a right to do what they want. It is not your money. Geez, so grabby.

oops. Attitude.