Anonymous wrote:I love the fact that this thread just won't go away.

My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had "guests" over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

"My what?"

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

"Wtf is a poop knife?"

Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

He starts giggling. Then laughing. lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives . . .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really disgusting but.... I clogged the toilet so much that I started keeping a stash of plastic knives and ziplock baggies in the bathroom. I just (yuck yuck) cut the sucker up with the plastic knife, put the knife in the ziplock and threw it out. Gross, but still better than a clogged toilet.

You somehow retieved your poop from the toilet and cut it up into small peices???? How does that work? What, exactly, do you do?

I just stuck the bottom half of the plastic knife in the toilet and swished it around to break it up, making sure to always keep the top half/handle of the knife above the water, and then I just put the dirty knife in the baggie and threw it out. I never touched anything directly or got my hands dirty. I never told anyone this before since it is so gross and embarrassing but since OP is having such a hard time I thought I would just put it out there.

I love you for posting this. I clog the toilet at least twice a week -- my husband thinks I need a medical intervention, but I'm just going to put my collection of plastic utensils to good use.

Loving this thread - I've used the throw-away wooden chopsticks that come with sushi take-out to break up my DS2's mega poops many a time. I can never understand how such huge poops come through such a tiny asshole. Poor guy - fortunately we can usually manage it with diet but he can be really obstinate with food sometimes, which is when it gets bad. Diaper smoosh doesn't help, either.

My own prenatal poops also clog the toilet regularly - I've just toughed it out with the plunger but perhaps I should employ the chopstick method instead. Thanks for the inspiration, all!

Dad here. I've chopped up 3 yo DD's poops. We've also pulled poop out of her.

Nobody tells you this about parenthood...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really disgusting but.... I clogged the toilet so much that I started keeping a stash of plastic knives and ziplock baggies in the bathroom. I just (yuck yuck) cut the sucker up with the plastic knife, put the knife in the ziplock and threw it out. Gross, but still better than a clogged toilet.

I was going to suggest something similar. I probably would go so far as to cut it up, but how about put one of those bedpan things in the bowl and line it with some type of plastic. Then throw the whole thing in a bag, like you would with dog poop. Yes it's gross, but better than clogging the toilet everyday.