I hear you OP. I tried to make it work with an ex-gf, very educated and great job. But her obsession with her dog and the questionable hygiene around all that made me feel like I was in a trailer.

Anonymous wrote:I would say she's being a good dog parent. Dogs are a lot of work, especially so if you have a high-energy breed. If you don't meet their energy needs (both physical and mental) they will become bored and display destructive behavior.

I have a high-energy, large-breed dog, and I wouldn't say my life revolves around my dog. Here are things I do.

Two daily walks; morning sniff walk, evening longer walk (I do the morning walk and my son does the evening walk.)
Longer Saturday and Sunday morning walks where we explore different neighborhoods in the city (so we drive somewhere).
Spend at least 15 minutes a day on some sort of training.
Always goes with me for the car ride if appropriate (dropping the kid off at work, going through the Starbucks drive-thru, going to Petsmart, etc.).
I like going on vacation with my dog, but also wouldn't have a problem going without him. I would never board him, though. I'd leave him with someone I trust.
My dog is allowed on furniture except my bed. I should also mention that I have a very low-shedding dog, and it's rare to find dog hair around the house.
My dog has high grooming needs, so I try to spend about 15 minutes a day combing/brushing him. On the weekend, I like to do it all, which can take 45 minutes.
Sometimes I cook meat and veggies for my dog, and I'll use that as a topper on top of his kibble.
I make frozen treats for my dog.

With that said, I still date, go to dinners and brunches with my friends, I work out of the home a few times a week, etc. I don't show people pictures of my dog or talk about my dog (unless they ask). I still live my normal life, but my dog is definitely a priority.

The word you're looking for is owner. She's being a good dog owner. Pretending like an owner/pet relationship is analogous to a parent/child relationship is creepy and weird.

Anonymous wrote:I am not seeing the issue. Your life should revolve around your kids.

A dog is not a child. Jesus Christ.

Leaving a neurotic very-attached dog alone in a hotel room while they go out to dinner? If she’s that relaxed about her dog I’d be surprised.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

So if you go on a trip how can you go to a restaurant assuming the dog won’t be left alone in a car or hotel room?

DP. You find a pet-friendly hotel or rental and leave the dog in the room.

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

So if you go on a trip how can you go to a restaurant assuming the dog won’t be left alone in a car or hotel room?

Op does she call herself a dog mom and act like her dog is on the same level as your kids? This is borderline psychotic behavior, just break up with her. As someone stated above, she already has a boyfriend….the dog.

Anonymous wrote:I have some friends who treat their pets as equal to humans in the family. I would never have a relationship with someone like that though - we wouldn’t be compatible. Friends fine, partners no

This is no different than any other priority that doesn't match with another person. GF is a dog person. OP is not. GF needs to move on from this completely un-self aware dude. I'm not saying he's wrong, it's just that GF isn't wrong either. They aren't compatible. What I don't like is how he seems to think she is the only person in the wrong here.

I have some friends who treat their pets as equal to humans in the family. I would never have a relationship with someone like that though - we wouldn’t be compatible. Friends fine, partners no

Yeah, OP can't expect GF to drop everything for him whenever he isn't dealing with being a parent.

OP needs to be a parent at this stage in his life. I hope GF reads DCUM and moves on from this guy. He is showing major misogynistic vibes here that she needs to be at his beck and call.

^ Oh, and I would be interested to know what OP's relationship with his ex is like too, and how enmeshed (or combative) he is with her.

Men with kids and ex wives are not exactly in a position to be complaining about a woman's dog, IMHO.

I'd love to hear the GF's perspective of what it's like being around OP's teenagers and how they treat her.

Like it or not, the dog is a vital and important part of the GF's life. Just like OP's kids are a priority in his.

She probably experienced this before in another relationship. Getting put on the back burner every time something came up with a partner's kids may have left her swearing not to do it again.

No wonder the GF finds reasons to be with her dog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Face it, OP wants a woman at his beck and call, to live as he sees fit, and when he has time for her.

OP, move on. She's too independent for your neediness.

This is spot on. I hope the GF dumps him and finds a man who respects that she has needs, interests, and responsibilities in her life other than just him.

I think it is going to be the other way around. If you give less importance for human interaction then you really don't need a partner.

Nothing whatsoever about OP’s post suggests that his GF views human interaction as less important than her dog. She spends the day hiking with her dog once every other week and brings the dog along on some of their trips. OP wants a partner who is available anytime he wants her to be. The GF should find a partner who has enough respect for her to be fine with her doing something important to her once every other week whether that’s hiking with the dog, hiking alone, a hobby, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is a huge red flag, OP. Talk to her openly if this is what she wants. If she doesn't improve then her actions speak louder than words and you need to decide what to do after that. I would break up with this level of neglect.

Don't talk, just dump. The evidence is in. OP obviously has problems moving on. Just pull the trigger.

Ah, the saying is Pull the PLUG. Pull the trigger has a whole other meaning.

I would say she's being a good dog parent. Dogs are a lot of work, especially so if you have a high-energy breed. If you don't meet their energy needs (both physical and mental) they will become bored and display destructive behavior.

I have a high-energy, large-breed dog, and I wouldn't say my life revolves around my dog. Here are things I do.

Two daily walks; morning sniff walk, evening longer walk (I do the morning walk and my son does the evening walk.)
Longer Saturday and Sunday morning walks where we explore different neighborhoods in the city (so we drive somewhere).
Spend at least 15 minutes a day on some sort of training.
Always goes with me for the car ride if appropriate (dropping the kid off at work, going through the Starbucks drive-thru, going to Petsmart, etc.).
I like going on vacation with my dog, but also wouldn't have a problem going without him. I would never board him, though. I'd leave him with someone I trust.
My dog is allowed on furniture except my bed. I should also mention that I have a very low-shedding dog, and it's rare to find dog hair around the house.
My dog has high grooming needs, so I try to spend about 15 minutes a day combing/brushing him. On the weekend, I like to do it all, which can take 45 minutes.
Sometimes I cook meat and veggies for my dog, and I'll use that as a topper on top of his kibble.
I make frozen treats for my dog.

With that said, I still date, go to dinners and brunches with my friends, I work out of the home a few times a week, etc. I don't show people pictures of my dog or talk about my dog (unless they ask). I still live my normal life, but my dog is definitely a priority.