Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

But the alimony is indefinite. So kid leaves for college and mom still banks $10k a month. Your view is exactly why alimony shouldn’t exist, at least not beyond child rearing years. That is, if we think mom is spending a chunk of the alimony on raising kids then she doesn’t need it once they’re gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why 50/50 on assets plus child support isn’t what you should expect. Alimony is an injustice to any person. The marriage is over, but then financially everyone pretends like it isn’t?

Except that one spouse is forced to absorb all the downside of supporting and sacrificing for the other’s career opportunities while the other harvests all the upside. You can’t make it be over unless you have a magical time machine that resets the spouse’s age and opportunities to where they were before they had to stop working. Alimony recognizes the impossibility of that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why 50/50 on assets plus child support isn’t what you should expect. Alimony is an injustice to any person. The marriage is over, but then financially everyone pretends like it isn’t?

You made a family decision for one spouse to give up earnings and do the unpaid labor of staying home and caring for the children. The alimony represents the lost earning potential from having been out of the workforce for so long.

Yea. My ex was insisting that I quit law practice for a less time demanding job. He achieved career heights and cheated caked me “nobody”. Why did you marry a “nobody” and had kids with them, lived under same roof for 20 years?

Alimony is to equalize the households for children when ex wife is too old to start anew

I didn’t get any alimony but I welcome it when other women get it as it’s only fair

Why didn’t you get any alimony?

He hid future income behind stock options

That has nothing to do with allimony.

It does. Because disparity in future income is a factor in awarding spousal support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

But the alimony is indefinite. So kid leaves for college and mom still banks $10k a month. Your view is exactly why alimony shouldn’t exist, at least not beyond child rearing years. That is, if we think mom is spending a chunk of the alimony on raising kids then she doesn’t need it once they’re gone.

How would a 55 year old woman who hasn't worked in 30 years support herself? Do you want to support her thru taxes with welfare so her DH can live it up?

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

But the alimony is indefinite. So kid leaves for college and mom still banks $10k a month. Your view is exactly why alimony shouldn’t exist, at least not beyond child rearing years. That is, if we think mom is spending a chunk of the alimony on raising kids then she doesn’t need it once they’re gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.

Get 50% of everything and maximize your CS and alimony.as well as kids college funds. His new partner and new set of babies won’t give a f….k about your and your kids wellbeing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

I think it’s disgusting that a minor child, unable to work and with whom he shares blood, is entitled to only a quarter of the entitlement of a grown adult who could be working but chooses not to. I’m embarrassed for these women.

If you think that this mom spends 10k on herself and only 2,500 on her child, then you don’t understand how moms work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.

Cheating is a criminal offense in VA so that alone should give you more alimony, or at least ensure that you get it indefinitely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP implied that DH didn't take steps to keep himself home so that could imply DH didn't want his wife working as much or maybe set her up to not work as much. OP, if DH set you up to be the default parent taking care of all of these things while he was off doing his thing you need to bring that up in the divorce. that can get you more money

OP here. Yes - all true.

And there was cheating.

Men don’t leave without a place to land.