Anonymous wrote:I have a coworker who lost her husband unexpectedly last year. She has 2 middle school aged kids. Honestly I’ve been kind of impressed watching her keep everything going because I can barely manage life with 2 adults in the house sometimes.

Anyway she recently went to Vegas with a friend for a concert that sounded kind of once in a lifetime and I was excited for her . I mentioned it to DH and his immediate reaction surprised me. He said it sounded irresponsible for a single mom to leave her kids and take off work in the middle of the week to go to a concert.

I was honestly kind of shocked by the reaction and it’s really been bothering me since. I know someone watched the kids, maybe grandparents or a friend, I didn’t ask details. She also travels for work a few times a year but when I mentioned that he said “that’s different.”

I don’t know. Is he the AH here or is this actually irresponsible and I’m looking at it wrong?

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone commenting on it being "the middle of the week" like that matters? When dh and I go on vacation and the grandparents come to babysit, we always go in the middle of the week. It's so much easier for grandparents to babysit while kids are gone all day at school. It's very hard for them on Saturday and Sunday.

How is it different for a single mom to travel with a friend versus a married couple traveling without their kids? As long as the kids are being watched, I don't see how her being single matters. (Although my parents are babysitting because they think it's healthy in a marriage for couples to get away without kids)

Anonymous wrote:Did she see No Doubt at the Sphere??!
That was a great show!

Oh sorry - - - uh yes, your husband is the a%# here.

Your friend has every right to take some time for herself > especially considering all that she has went through.

Taking some “me” time makes her a better, well-rounded parent and I am sure her kids were in good hands!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

It’s benign gossip to comment on your friend’s activities at all.

I guess he was just supposed to say nothing or something bland (like Oh, that’s nice honey; or repeat OP’s own same opinion back to her), in which case, what’s the point of having a two person conversation?

Yes. This is how normal people talk. You just kind of say what’s on your mind and talk about what happened during your day.
I just had a conversation with my husband this morning and as part of it I told him that our neighbor’s dad died. He said, “Oh, that’s really sad.” He echoed my opinion back to me. It was totally fine.

Because he just happened to have the same opinion as you this time.

If (hypothetically) he didn’t find it sad that an old man died, would you run his comment that he put all of 20 seconds of thought into past the internet thought police to figure out whether he was an AH? I don’t think that’s how normal people talk or treat each other, actually.

If you haven’t put more than 20 seconds of thought into something, you don’t need to express your poorly informed opinions. Just go with the flow. Say it’s sad that the kids’ grandpa died and that it’s good the widow gets to do something fun.

Of course, if there is something that you feel strongly about, then you should express your opinion and disagree with your spouse. But if you don’t actually care, then just go with it.

No one here cares how much thought he put into it. If he had thought about this for years, people would have the same reaction. People here are mad that he committed the crime of disagreeing with a women (both his wife and the coworker).

You're allowed to disagree. You're allowed to have whatever opinions you want. But some of your opinions may make you an AH.

Exactly. The OP is the AH here. She's gutless and didn't have the integrity to even figure out what her own opinion is without crowd sourcing it in a pre selected forum that leans hard towards misandry.

The PP said the opposite. Also, it was pretty clear to everyone what OP's opinion on the subject was. That's not what she was crowdsourcing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

But if in this casual conversation, as a part of normal give-and-take, you made a comment that you don’t think his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded all that fun. Does that make you an a-hole? Should you *have* to just shut up and keep your dumb thoughts to yourself? Wouldn’t you think it unreasonable for your husband to say nothing but silently stew and think you were an a-hole off of one comment in a meaningless conversation like that? Why wouldn’t you presume good intent and clarify if necessary?

Do unto others as you would want done to yourself.

Sigh. No, you are entitled to think that rafting isn't fun. You are allowed to choose not to go rafting. What you're not allowed to say is that anyone who goes rafting is an airhead. That doesn't make sense and it's rude. Do you understand the distinction?

That's just the thing. You ARE allowed to say that anyone who goes rafting is an airhead. Wives aren't "allowed" to thought police or speech police or opinion police their husbands. Even if they can find a forum on the internet with a significant number of BSC bitter women to support them in it. Because people like you aren't the thought speech or opinion police either

Ok, I'll rephrase because you're being argumentative. What you're not allowed to say that is anyone who goes rafting is an airhead WITHOUT BEING CALLED AN AH. When you pass judgment on people, that will often make you an AH. Be one if you want, but that's what you are, just to be clear. I judge anyone who lets their kids have pacifiers while doing activities (playing on the playground, for example). That probably makes me an AH and I'm fine with it, I'll continue to sit in my judgment on that topic. So you CAN say whatever you want and people CAN call you an AH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

But if in this casual conversation, as a part of normal give-and-take, you made a comment that you don’t think his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded all that fun. Does that make you an a-hole? Should you *have* to just shut up and keep your dumb thoughts to yourself? Wouldn’t you think it unreasonable for your husband to say nothing but silently stew and think you were an a-hole off of one comment in a meaningless conversation like that? Why wouldn’t you presume good intent and clarify if necessary?

Do unto others as you would want done to yourself.

Sigh. No, you are entitled to think that rafting isn't fun. You are allowed to choose not to go rafting. What you're not allowed to say is that anyone who goes rafting is an airhead. That doesn't make sense and it's rude. Do you understand the distinction?

That's just the thing. You ARE allowed to say that anyone who goes rafting is an airhead. Wives aren't "allowed" to thought police or speech police or opinion police their husbands. Even if they can find a forum on the internet with a significant number of BSC bitter women to support them in it. Because people like you aren't the thought speech or opinion police either

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

It’s benign gossip to comment on your friend’s activities at all.

I guess he was just supposed to say nothing or something bland (like Oh, that’s nice honey; or repeat OP’s own same opinion back to her), in which case, what’s the point of having a two person conversation?

Yes. This is how normal people talk. You just kind of say what’s on your mind and talk about what happened during your day.
I just had a conversation with my husband this morning and as part of it I told him that our neighbor’s dad died. He said, “Oh, that’s really sad.” He echoed my opinion back to me. It was totally fine.

Because he just happened to have the same opinion as you this time.

If (hypothetically) he didn’t find it sad that an old man died, would you run his comment that he put all of 20 seconds of thought into past the internet thought police to figure out whether he was an AH? I don’t think that’s how normal people talk or treat each other, actually.

If you haven’t put more than 20 seconds of thought into something, you don’t need to express your poorly informed opinions. Just go with the flow. Say it’s sad that the kids’ grandpa died and that it’s good the widow gets to do something fun.

Of course, if there is something that you feel strongly about, then you should express your opinion and disagree with your spouse. But if you don’t actually care, then just go with it.

No one here cares how much thought he put into it. If he had thought about this for years, people would have the same reaction. People here are mad that he committed the crime of disagreeing with a women (both his wife and the coworker).

You're allowed to disagree. You're allowed to have whatever opinions you want. But some of your opinions may make you an AH.

Exactly. The OP is the AH here. She's gutless and didn't have the integrity to even figure out what her own opinion is without crowd sourcing it in a pre selected forum that leans hard towards misandry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

But if in this casual conversation, as a part of normal give-and-take, you made a comment that you don’t think his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded all that fun. Does that make you an a-hole? Should you *have* to just shut up and keep your dumb thoughts to yourself? Wouldn’t you think it unreasonable for your husband to say nothing but silently stew and think you were an a-hole off of one comment in a meaningless conversation like that? Why wouldn’t you presume good intent and clarify if necessary?

Do unto others as you would want done to yourself.

Sigh. No, you are entitled to think that rafting isn't fun. You are allowed to choose not to go rafting. What you're not allowed to say is that anyone who goes rafting is an airhead. That doesn't make sense and it's rude. Do you understand the distinction?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

It’s benign gossip to comment on your friend’s activities at all.

I guess he was just supposed to say nothing or something bland (like Oh, that’s nice honey; or repeat OP’s own same opinion back to her), in which case, what’s the point of having a two person conversation?

Yes. This is how normal people talk. You just kind of say what’s on your mind and talk about what happened during your day.
I just had a conversation with my husband this morning and as part of it I told him that our neighbor’s dad died. He said, “Oh, that’s really sad.” He echoed my opinion back to me. It was totally fine.

Because he just happened to have the same opinion as you this time.

If (hypothetically) he didn’t find it sad that an old man died, would you run his comment that he put all of 20 seconds of thought into past the internet thought police to figure out whether he was an AH? I don’t think that’s how normal people talk or treat each other, actually.

If you haven’t put more than 20 seconds of thought into something, you don’t need to express your poorly informed opinions. Just go with the flow. Say it’s sad that the kids’ grandpa died and that it’s good the widow gets to do something fun.

Of course, if there is something that you feel strongly about, then you should express your opinion and disagree with your spouse. But if you don’t actually care, then just go with it.

No one here cares how much thought he put into it. If he had thought about this for years, people would have the same reaction. People here are mad that he committed the crime of disagreeing with a women (both his wife and the coworker).

You're allowed to disagree. You're allowed to have whatever opinions you want. But some of your opinions may make you an AH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

But if in this casual conversation, as a part of normal give-and-take, you made a comment that you don’t think his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded all that fun. Does that make you an a-hole? Should you *have* to just shut up and keep your dumb thoughts to yourself? Wouldn’t you think it unreasonable for your husband to say nothing but silently stew and think you were an a-hole off of one comment in a meaningless conversation like that? Why wouldn’t you presume good intent and clarify if necessary?

Do unto others as you would want done to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?

People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

Yes. You have to just go with it on little stuff.
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun, then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

But if in this casual conversation, as a part of normal give-and-take, you made a comment that you don’t think his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded all that fun. Does that make you an a-hole? Should you *have* to just shut up and keep your dumb thoughts to yourself? Wouldn’t you think it unreasonable for your husband to say nothing but silently stew and think you were an a-hole off of one comment in a meaningless conversation like that? Why wouldn’t you presume good intent and clarify if necessary?

Do unto others as you would want done to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:Would be pretty boring if the husband blindly agreed with every comment gossipy remark OP made. Why bother talking at all? Just scroll on the phone and nod the head once in awhile and say "I agree" every other minute.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

It’s benign gossip to comment on your friend’s activities at all.

I guess he was just supposed to say nothing or something bland (like Oh, that’s nice honey; or repeat OP’s own same opinion back to her), in which case, what’s the point of having a two person conversation?

Yes. This is how normal people talk. You just kind of say what’s on your mind and talk about what happened during your day.
I just had a conversation with my husband this morning and as part of it I told him that our neighbor’s dad died. He said, “Oh, that’s really sad.” He echoed my opinion back to me. It was totally fine.

Because he just happened to have the same opinion as you this time.

If (hypothetically) he didn’t find it sad that an old man died, would you run his comment that he put all of 20 seconds of thought into past the internet thought police to figure out whether he was an AH? I don’t think that’s how normal people talk or treat each other, actually.

If you haven’t put more than 20 seconds of thought into something, you don’t need to express your poorly informed opinions. Just go with the flow. Say it’s sad that the kids’ grandpa died and that it’s good the widow gets to do something fun.

Of course, if there is something that you feel strongly about, then you should express your opinion and disagree with your spouse. But if you don’t actually care, then just go with it.

No one here cares how much thought he put into it. If he had thought about this for years, people would have the same reaction. People here are mad that he committed the crime of disagreeing with a women (both his wife and the coworker).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s irresponsible to gossip about other people’s lives and then try to make character judgments on your *spouse* when they participate in the fun catty gossip that we all get to indulge in as a part of marriage.

Either your home is a safe space for that kind of commentary (which I think you want it to be since you brought up her trip to Vegas unasked), or it’s not and you shouldn’t gossip at all.

Your marriage is more important than whether some random friend is making good life choices or not. Priorities, lady!

OP wasn't gossiping about the friend - based on her post, she was telling her husband because she thought it was a good thing that her friend was going on a trip. And then her husband reacted to the story like an AH. Kind of like you.

It’s benign gossip to comment on your friend’s activities at all.

I guess he was just supposed to say nothing or something bland (like Oh, that’s nice honey; or repeat OP’s own same opinion back to her), in which case, what’s the point of having a two person conversation?

Yes. This is how normal people talk. You just kind of say what’s on your mind and talk about what happened during your day.
I just had a conversation with my husband this morning and as part of it I told him that our neighbor’s dad died. He said, “Oh, that’s really sad.” He echoed my opinion back to me. It was totally fine.

Because he just happened to have the same opinion as you this time.

If (hypothetically) he didn’t find it sad that an old man died, would you run his comment that he put all of 20 seconds of thought into past the internet thought police to figure out whether he was an AH? I don’t think that’s how normal people talk or treat each other, actually.

I don’t know, maybe?
Like if I said that our neighbor’s dad died, and DH’s first impulse was to say that old people are a drain on society and it’s good that he died, I would have found that kind of disturbing.
I probably wouldn’t want to tell mutual friends about it, but I might post anonymously.