Anonymous wrote:They will find soon enough that it does not work, lol. Children (especially when young) require around the clock attention.

Anonymous wrote:Yes cheapness

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear:

This woman is not forcing OP or her daughter to provide free childcare. She asked for some help, OP said no, that is the end of that. OP is not burdened in any way by this situation, which is the other woman's problem.

OP isn't this woman's employer and we have NO IDEA what her job is. Everyone in this thread is thinking of their own job and saying "oh I could never do that." But this woman likely doesn't have your job. You don't know her situation.

I didn't have FT childcare when my first was a baby specifically because I didn't have FT work. I was doing contract work on a freelance basis, some for my former employer (who I left when I had my baby) and some for other clients. In the first year, I didn't do a ton of work, just a few projects here and there. I mostly was able to work on weekends or when the baby was sleeping, occasionally I'd hire a sitter for an afternoon. At one point I tried out a coworking space with childcare, which sounds like the perfect solution to someone in my situation, but was terrible because my baby cried the entire time we were there and I could hear her from the cowering space. So I never went back there.

There was just a lot of trial and error to figure out what made sense.

What didn't make sense was to put my kid in a FT daycare because there were some weeks where I didn't work at all, and the whole reason I shifted to contract work was to maximize my time at home with my baby. I recall trying for a while to get a part-time spot in a nanny share or daycare but had no luck.

I know for a fact that some acquaintances were weirdly triggered by my work and childcare situation at that time, because a lot of women are deeply bitter about their own work/childcare arrangements. I'm sympathetic to their struggles but reject anyone putting that on me. My life is not a dumping ground for your own resentment about work/life balance. I did what made sense for me, and most of the people who rolled their eyes or said rude things to me didn't understand my specific situation, what my workload was really like, or that I regularly paid for childcare but just not a daycare or nanny like they'd had. They also had no interest in learning, they just wanted to judge.

Which is also what OP is doing. She just wants to judge and feel superior. Her friend isn't making her do anything. OP is just bitter and taking it out on her "friend" instead of figuring out why the situation triggers her so much.

You sound very defensive about your choices, but you are not describing the same thing as OP. You were able to get your work done, and changed things up to a contract position that worked for your situation. Who cares what people who are not in the know think. I am sure there are people who don’t realize I work part time and think I abuse my job flexibility. OP is describing a situation where someone is NOT making it work and NOT fixing it. That is bad for everyone who works hard and performs well in flexible or remote positions. I have a graduate degree, work in my field in a primarily individual contributor role (refusing promotion that would reduce my flexibility), have never missed a deadline, get amazing performance reviews but because of people like OP my entire organization continues to reduce flexibility each year for EVERYONE. We all lost a big chunk of our ability to telework and are expected to alert managers to any changes of our schedule, regardless of whether they want that level of detail or they trust you to get your work done. I am SO fed up with it.

PP here and I'm not defensive, I'm just explaining that how things look from the outside are not how they look from the inside. And also when I was in this situation, I absolutely had things happen that didn't work and were disruptive to my job (like the co-working space that was a bust, sitters who were late when I needed to hop on a call, that kind of thing). It worked out in the long run but I had days where I am certain people were like "what's wrong with her? Why doesn't she just get a nanny?"

Also I once worked at a place where WFH was restricted because they found out that some (child free!) workers were using WFH days to do stuff like go to Disney or take take a three day weekend, but just checking in via phone every few hours to make it look like they were working. So the idea that it's parents with childcare issues ruining it for everyone is just wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear:

This woman is not forcing OP or her daughter to provide free childcare. She asked for some help, OP said no, that is the end of that. OP is not burdened in any way by this situation, which is the other woman's problem.

OP isn't this woman's employer and we have NO IDEA what her job is. Everyone in this thread is thinking of their own job and saying "oh I could never do that." But this woman likely doesn't have your job. You don't know her situation.

I didn't have FT childcare when my first was a baby specifically because I didn't have FT work. I was doing contract work on a freelance basis, some for my former employer (who I left when I had my baby) and some for other clients. In the first year, I didn't do a ton of work, just a few projects here and there. I mostly was able to work on weekends or when the baby was sleeping, occasionally I'd hire a sitter for an afternoon. At one point I tried out a coworking space with childcare, which sounds like the perfect solution to someone in my situation, but was terrible because my baby cried the entire time we were there and I could hear her from the cowering space. So I never went back there.

There was just a lot of trial and error to figure out what made sense.

What didn't make sense was to put my kid in a FT daycare because there were some weeks where I didn't work at all, and the whole reason I shifted to contract work was to maximize my time at home with my baby. I recall trying for a while to get a part-time spot in a nanny share or daycare but had no luck.

I know for a fact that some acquaintances were weirdly triggered by my work and childcare situation at that time, because a lot of women are deeply bitter about their own work/childcare arrangements. I'm sympathetic to their struggles but reject anyone putting that on me. My life is not a dumping ground for your own resentment about work/life balance. I did what made sense for me, and most of the people who rolled their eyes or said rude things to me didn't understand my specific situation, what my workload was really like, or that I regularly paid for childcare but just not a daycare or nanny like they'd had. They also had no interest in learning, they just wanted to judge.

Which is also what OP is doing. She just wants to judge and feel superior. Her friend isn't making her do anything. OP is just bitter and taking it out on her "friend" instead of figuring out why the situation triggers her so much.

You sound very defensive about your choices, but you are not describing the same thing as OP. You were able to get your work done, and changed things up to a contract position that worked for your situation. Who cares what people who are not in the know think. I am sure there are people who don’t realize I work part time and think I abuse my job flexibility. OP is describing a situation where someone is NOT making it work and NOT fixing it. That is bad for everyone who works hard and performs well in flexible or remote positions. I have a graduate degree, work in my field in a primarily individual contributor role (refusing promotion that would reduce my flexibility), have never missed a deadline, get amazing performance reviews but because of people like OP my entire organization continues to reduce flexibility each year for EVERYONE. We all lost a big chunk of our ability to telework and are expected to alert managers to any changes of our schedule, regardless of whether they want that level of detail or they trust you to get your work done. I am SO fed up with it.