Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I got a good job there and they would obviously go to an international school so I don't quite see the problem. She will make new friends and after she graduates she can do whatever she wants and live wherever she wants. My husband and I are so done with her attitude because she's insulting us and yelling at us and sleeping over at friends houses on school nights without even asking us. We just don't engage with her anymore.

This won't traumatize her right? I mean people move all the time and adjust.
Just don't know how we will get her on a plane...

I know it's what you don't want to hear, but it might. This is a sensitive time for kids. I know of several for whom this kind of move was devastating and life changing. I also know of kids who did this and were fine, but their initial reactions were not like those you are describing. If this was a possibility, you should have been working towards setting expectations and building skills and connections for years beforehand. Springing this on her now was poor planning.

Yeah I understand but it's too late now. What do we do? We are at our wits end with her.

Keep your job here/get a different job here. What happened to your old job?

nothing happened to the old job. New job is just better paying.

No way is a job better paying in Spain. OP is selfish and likely a liar too.

Completely agree. Especially with taxes in Spain.

on an ex pat contract? of course the pay is better. I would tell you to do due diligence on the intl school. We made this move at the beginning of high school and the intl school is garbage- it is SO SO bad and I will eternally feel guilty for making my child go to high school and not listening to the one woman who came up to me in October and was like- this school is bad, dont send your kids here. put them on the train to ZIS. the IBDP is also unnecessarily rigorous and this school is only about grades and the small classes are actually a drawback b/c the student body are suicidal/cliquey/maladjusted and my kid has no peer group. like a bunch of men of their 2nd families who's daughters do "ballet" and are going to go to 2nd tier unis to do communications and phone it in Bridget jones style so that they too can marry a man 18 years their sr. with a stable career at the ripe age of 24. Moving to Spain will be an amazing opportunity but dont assume anything about the international school- make sure it is actually supportive and good. live in a smaller place if you have to but make sure the intl school is good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I got a good job there and they would obviously go to an international school so I don't quite see the problem. She will make new friends and after she graduates she can do whatever she wants and live wherever she wants. My husband and I are so done with her attitude because she's insulting us and yelling at us and sleeping over at friends houses on school nights without even asking us. We just don't engage with her anymore.

This won't traumatize her right? I mean people move all the time and adjust.
Just don't know how we will get her on a plane...

I know it's what you don't want to hear, but it might. This is a sensitive time for kids. I know of several for whom this kind of move was devastating and life changing. I also know of kids who did this and were fine, but their initial reactions were not like those you are describing. If this was a possibility, you should have been working towards setting expectations and building skills and connections for years beforehand. Springing this on her now was poor planning.

Yeah I understand but it's too late now. What do we do? We are at our wits end with her.

Keep your job here/get a different job here. What happened to your old job?

nothing happened to the old job. New job is just better paying.

No way is a job better paying in Spain. OP is selfish and likely a liar too.

Completely agree. Especially with taxes in Spain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in the military and foreign service do this ALL. THE TIME. They turn out just fine. OP, your daughter just needs time to adjust. Make sure she's aware of all the traveling adventures she will have.

They don't all turn out fine. Idiotic take.

Kids who never move don’t all turn out fine, either. What point do you think you’re making?

Dp. The point is that moving in high school is rough and you can’t assume your kids will just “be fine”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in the military and foreign service do this ALL. THE TIME. They turn out just fine. OP, your daughter just needs time to adjust. Make sure she's aware of all the traveling adventures she will have.

We don’t all turn out just fine. For me, moving around for a parent who was always deployed anyway was a defining characteristic of my ability to form real relationships and I’ve struggled with them as an adult.
- military brat

Get some therapy, grow up, and take responsibility for your own failures in life instead of blaming your parents.

Pp isn’t blaming, they are explaining. The original pp said that military kids do this all the time and turn out fine. Pp explained that’s actually not true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family (7th grade son and 9th grade daughter) are moving to Spain as soon as the school year ends. My husband and I are both from there and our kids have been there before and speak Spanish so its familiar.

My son is honestly fine with moving, he's not happy but not sad either so he's pretty neutral. My 15 year old daughter on the other hand is completely devastated. She yells at my husband and I saying we are the worst parents ever and she slams doors and doesn't come out of her room anymore unless its for dinner. She's not budging and she's known that we are moving for about 2 weeks now. She won't tell her friends or talk to relatives and doesn't really believe that we are actually moving (she keeps repeating "we aren't moving" or "I am not going" over and over again.)

My question is; will she get over this? How harmful is this for her development and feelings as we move and process this?

My parents moved after my 10th grade year. It changed the trajectory of my life and I never forgave them. I am now 56. I would never do this to my kid.

Same, explain I'm 50. We only moved 15 min away but I had to change high-school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I got a good job there and they would obviously go to an international school so I don't quite see the problem. She will make new friends and after she graduates she can do whatever she wants and live wherever she wants. My husband and I are so done with her attitude because she's insulting us and yelling at us and sleeping over at friends houses on school nights without even asking us. We just don't engage with her anymore.

This won't traumatize her right? I mean people move all the time and adjust.
Just don't know how we will get her on a plane...

I know it's what you don't want to hear, but it might. This is a sensitive time for kids. I know of several for whom this kind of move was devastating and life changing. I also know of kids who did this and were fine, but their initial reactions were not like those you are describing. If this was a possibility, you should have been working towards setting expectations and building skills and connections for years beforehand. Springing this on her now was poor planning.

Yeah I understand but it's too late now. What do we do? We are at our wits end with her.

Keep your job here/get a different job here. What happened to your old job?

nothing happened to the old job. New job is just better paying.

No way is a job better paying in Spain. OP is selfish and likely a liar too.

Completely agree. Especially with taxes in Spain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I got a good job there and they would obviously go to an international school so I don't quite see the problem. She will make new friends and after she graduates she can do whatever she wants and live wherever she wants. My husband and I are so done with her attitude because she's insulting us and yelling at us and sleeping over at friends houses on school nights without even asking us. We just don't engage with her anymore.

This won't traumatize her right? I mean people move all the time and adjust.
Just don't know how we will get her on a plane...

I know it's what you don't want to hear, but it might. This is a sensitive time for kids. I know of several for whom this kind of move was devastating and life changing. I also know of kids who did this and were fine, but their initial reactions were not like those you are describing. If this was a possibility, you should have been working towards setting expectations and building skills and connections for years beforehand. Springing this on her now was poor planning.

Yeah I understand but it's too late now. What do we do? We are at our wits end with her.

Keep your job here/get a different job here. What happened to your old job?

nothing happened to the old job. New job is just better paying.

No way is a job better paying in Spain. OP is selfish and likely a liar too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I got a good job there and they would obviously go to an international school so I don't quite see the problem. She will make new friends and after she graduates she can do whatever she wants and live wherever she wants. My husband and I are so done with her attitude because she's insulting us and yelling at us and sleeping over at friends houses on school nights without even asking us. We just don't engage with her anymore.

This won't traumatize her right? I mean people move all the time and adjust.
Just don't know how we will get her on a plane...

I know it's what you don't want to hear, but it might. This is a sensitive time for kids. I know of several for whom this kind of move was devastating and life changing. I also know of kids who did this and were fine, but their initial reactions were not like those you are describing. If this was a possibility, you should have been working towards setting expectations and building skills and connections for years beforehand. Springing this on her now was poor planning.

Yeah I understand but it's too late now. What do we do? We are at our wits end with her.

Keep your job here/get a different job here. What happened to your old job?

nothing happened to the old job. New job is just better paying.

No way is a job better paying in Spain. OP is selfish and likely a liar too.

Anonymous wrote:Military kids get moved every 3-4 years and turn out normally. She is upset but also over-reacting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family (7th grade son and 9th grade daughter) are moving to Spain as soon as the school year ends. My husband and I are both from there and our kids have been there before and speak Spanish so its familiar.

My son is honestly fine with moving, he's not happy but not sad either so he's pretty neutral. My 15 year old daughter on the other hand is completely devastated. She yells at my husband and I saying we are the worst parents ever and she slams doors and doesn't come out of her room anymore unless its for dinner. She's not budging and she's known that we are moving for about 2 weeks now. She won't tell her friends or talk to relatives and doesn't really believe that we are actually moving (she keeps repeating "we aren't moving" or "I am not going" over and over again.)

My question is; will she get over this? How harmful is this for her development and feelings as we move and process this?

My parents moved after my 10th grade year. It changed the trajectory of my life and I never forgave them. I am now 56. I would never do this to my kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I got a good job there and they would obviously go to an international school so I don't quite see the problem. She will make new friends and after she graduates she can do whatever she wants and live wherever she wants. My husband and I are so done with her attitude because she's insulting us and yelling at us and sleeping over at friends houses on school nights without even asking us. We just don't engage with her anymore.

This won't traumatize her right? I mean people move all the time and adjust.
Just don't know how we will get her on a plane...

I know it's what you don't want to hear, but it might. This is a sensitive time for kids. I know of several for whom this kind of move was devastating and life changing. I also know of kids who did this and were fine, but their initial reactions were not like those you are describing. If this was a possibility, you should have been working towards setting expectations and building skills and connections for years beforehand. Springing this on her now was poor planning.

Yeah I understand but it's too late now. What do we do? We are at our wits end with her.

Keep your job here/get a different job here. What happened to your old job?

nothing happened to the old job. New job is just better paying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I got a good job there and they would obviously go to an international school so I don't quite see the problem. She will make new friends and after she graduates she can do whatever she wants and live wherever she wants. My husband and I are so done with her attitude because she's insulting us and yelling at us and sleeping over at friends houses on school nights without even asking us. We just don't engage with her anymore.

This won't traumatize her right? I mean people move all the time and adjust.
Just don't know how we will get her on a plane...

That’s really cold, op. I suspect part of her acting out is how dismissive you are about her feelings here. She’s at a rough age for a move. Many military families try very hard to avoid moves when kids are this age, and will even sometimes send the military member on their own to avoid moving a high-school aged kid.

It’s a big deal, and some empathy for her feelings would be appropriate.