Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, this is a red flag. You need to have money of your own, that he doesn’t control or know about. You should make sure you can live as a single parent if needed. He doesn’t sound very respectful and loving. Look for another job.

To me the red flag is a law firm partner making $575k. Where is this?

We’re on the west coast, chose to move here during Covid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, this is a red flag. You need to have money of your own, that he doesn’t control or know about. You should make sure you can live as a single parent if needed. He doesn’t sound very respectful and loving. Look for another job.

To me the red flag is a law firm partner making $575k. Where is this?

Anonymous wrote:Yeah a law partner making $575 is not that great in this area. Doesn't seem you guys could save much on that. I'm actually surprised he doesn't want to to find another job. On one hand it could be a gallant gesture saying he will support the family with his single income. But I'd be worried about what happens in the event of a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:So, you are saying, you have been fired from every job you had and are only 33?

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're slow and not good at adapting to change. Children change. Boys move fast. I am not sure you will be any better as a SAHM than as a career woman, though you can't really get fired from being a SAHM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM more than 15 years ago. I lost a job, husband said just focus on the kids for now, we're doing fine, so I did and I just never went back. I threw myself into working for the enrichment of my family instead of working to enrich some random company or organization. I have no regrets, I don't feel like I missed out at all. I'm thankful. My spouse of more than 30 years is my best friend; our young adult kids still talk to us, which feels like an accomplishment in today's growing age of estrangement. I'm almost 60. Just posting this to let you know, OP, that this perception can be out there, it exists. You CAN create a great life being a SAHM. The key to making it work is to be comfortable in your own skin, because you're the exception to the rule, the outlier, the weird one who literally isn't towing the company line. The one going against society's grain. You need to be strong enough to stand in the withering gaze of the work-outside-the-home mom who thinks you are somehow letting down the sisterhood and not shrink an inch. You can go toe to toe with her. You can think "whatever, lady, you've made your choice and I've made mine" because you see the purpose in what you are doing -- which is to raise mentally well-adjusted, calm, happy, appropriately self confident children who see home as a refuge instead of as another source of huge stress, competition, tension, etc. I manage my own 401k and I'm doing just fine. If spouse of more than 30 years left me tomorrow, I'd be fine financially. I would get my payout after 30+ years, half of it spent caring for my family exclusively. That's the part people don't like to talk about: sunk cost and how that plays to your benefit. I would look back and think: I'm so, so lucky I got to do things the way I did, and I didn't live in fear of the future and what my peers would think of me and live for them instead of myself and my family. I did it my way, and good for me.

Did you read any of OP's post? Her spouse is kicking her while she's down while also suggesting that she depend on him, and insulting her along the way. Does any of that story resonate with your tale? Your story is lovely and I'm glad that worked out. It is diametrically opposed to what OP seems to be dealing with. As a sidenote, no one is looking at you with a withering gaze. Maybe settle down with the self-congratulatory refrain. It doesn't make you sound content; just defensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't need "her own" investment accounts since she already owns half of whatever are in each of their accounts, just like he does.

OP- What is the career path you are on? Are you actively moving forward with your career advancement? It does not sound like it, but maybe you left something out. How much were you earning in this last position? How much are you likely to earn in your next position? How old are your children? How old are you and your DH?

I made 325k a year as a Director of Program Management at a mid-sized government contractors. I’m 34 and my husband is 37.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM more than 15 years ago. I lost a job, husband said just focus on the kids for now, we're doing fine, so I did and I just never went back. I threw myself into working for the enrichment of my family instead of working to enrich some random company or organization. I have no regrets, I don't feel like I missed out at all. I'm thankful. My spouse of more than 30 years is my best friend; our young adult kids still talk to us, which feels like an accomplishment in today's growing age of estrangement. I'm almost 60. Just posting this to let you know, OP, that this perception can be out there, it exists. You CAN create a great life being a SAHM. The key to making it work is to be comfortable in your own skin, because you're the exception to the rule, the outlier, the weird one who literally isn't towing the company line. The one going against society's grain. You need to be strong enough to stand in the withering gaze of the work-outside-the-home mom who thinks you are somehow letting down the sisterhood and not shrink an inch. You can go toe to toe with her. You can think "whatever, lady, you've made your choice and I've made mine" because you see the purpose in what you are doing -- which is to raise mentally well-adjusted, calm, happy, appropriately self confident children who see home as a refuge instead of as another source of huge stress, competition, tension, etc. I manage my own 401k and I'm doing just fine. If spouse of more than 30 years left me tomorrow, I'd be fine financially. I would get my payout after 30+ years, half of it spent caring for my family exclusively. That's the part people don't like to talk about: sunk cost and how that plays to your benefit. I would look back and think: I'm so, so lucky I got to do things the way I did, and I didn't live in fear of the future and what my peers would think of me and live for them instead of myself and my family. I did it my way, and good for me.

Did you read any of OP's post? Her spouse is kicking her while she's down while also suggesting that she depend on him, and insulting her along the way. Does any of that story resonate with your tale? Your story is lovely and I'm glad that worked out. It is diametrically opposed to what OP seems to be dealing with. As a sidenote, no one is looking at you with a withering gaze. Maybe settle down with the self-congratulatory refrain. It doesn't make you sound content; just defensive.

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM more than 15 years ago. I lost a job, husband said just focus on the kids for now, we're doing fine, so I did and I just never went back. I threw myself into working for the enrichment of my family instead of working to enrich some random company or organization. I have no regrets, I don't feel like I missed out at all. I'm thankful. My spouse of more than 30 years is my best friend; our young adult kids still talk to us, which feels like an accomplishment in today's growing age of estrangement. I'm almost 60. Just posting this to let you know, OP, that this perception can be out there, it exists. You CAN create a great life being a SAHM. The key to making it work is to be comfortable in your own skin, because you're the exception to the rule, the outlier, the weird one who literally isn't towing the company line. The one going against society's grain. You need to be strong enough to stand in the withering gaze of the work-outside-the-home mom who thinks you are somehow letting down the sisterhood and not shrink an inch. You can go toe to toe with her. You can think "whatever, lady, you've made your choice and I've made mine" because you see the purpose in what you are doing -- which is to raise mentally well-adjusted, calm, happy, appropriately self confident children who see home as a refuge instead of as another source of huge stress, competition, tension, etc. I manage my own 401k and I'm doing just fine. If spouse of more than 30 years left me tomorrow, I'd be fine financially. I would get my payout after 30+ years, half of it spent caring for my family exclusively. That's the part people don't like to talk about: sunk cost and how that plays to your benefit. I would look back and think: I'm so, so lucky I got to do things the way I did, and I didn't live in fear of the future and what my peers would think of me and live for them instead of myself and my family. I did it my way, and good for me.