Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 20:08     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
You need to look very hard at your schedule and consider what you can eliminate. Go systematically through every single thing on the calendar.

We have our life pretty tightly scheduled to be time-efficient. For example, soccer is near a good Wegmans, so DH drops DD at soccer then goes to Wegmans and picks up an order that he has pre-placed, and gets any other random things. Then he picks up DD comes home, and unpacks it. Look in your schedule for opportunities like that. If you can make things very routine so that you don't have to think so hard about what to do when, it'll be less mental effort.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 20:00     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
I wanted a soft life long before that was a thing. My working mom did not cope with it all well (and my dad was not that helpful.)

So I married a high earner with an eye towards being a SAHM and only had 2 kids. It’s worked out rather nicely if I do say so myself.

You women that want to do it all, more power to you. I just never wanted that. Ever.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 20:00     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to get a grip. I worked FT, in office with a husband who worked long hours. I did all the morning and evening stuff, managed to clean my house, feed my kids, do laundry and enjoy my weekends. You and your husband are just lazy and not organized. I also enjoyed time with friends as did my DH and kids. You are just too much.


Definitely not lazy, we both have advanced degrees, but probably disorganized. So you did everything and your DH just worked? That actually probably works best honestly, I think coordination eats up a lot of our time.

How did it work in the evenings? Our kids are elementary and middle school, we have activities 4 nights a week, kids have homework and we both commute 30-60 minutes? How did you squeeze everything into the 5 hours from 6:00 - 11:00pm?


We tag teamed any practices, but 4 nights a week wasn’t an issue for us. We didn’t over schedule our young kids. We also set up car pools with other parents. Only one of us had an hour commute. We didn’t set ourselves up to fail. You just do things as they need done. Our kids helped pick up and I never had a house too messy to clean efficiently. You need to do better.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:52     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to get a grip. I worked FT, in office with a husband who worked long hours. I did all the morning and evening stuff, managed to clean my house, feed my kids, do laundry and enjoy my weekends. You and your husband are just lazy and not organized. I also enjoyed time with friends as did my DH and kids. You are just too much.


Definitely not lazy, we both have advanced degrees, but probably disorganized. So you did everything and your DH just worked? That actually probably works best honestly, I think coordination eats up a lot of our time.

How did it work in the evenings? Our kids are elementary and middle school, we have activities 4 nights a week, kids have homework and we both commute 30-60 minutes? How did you squeeze everything into the 5 hours from 6:00 - 11:00pm?


I'm a different poster. But here's what we did-- drastically reduced the coordination by giving each adult total control over certain broad topics. So for example, DH is in charge of ALL food. He plans, shops/orders, and cooks, every dinner and 3 meals a day on weekends, without fail. Nobody gets to have an opinion about anything he decides to buy or cook. I clean up after dinner, and after each weekend meal, every time without fail. He is also 100% responsible for the car. I am the lead on small-potatoes school stuff, and on swimming. He's the lead on soccer and piano. I handle all kids' clothing and medical/dental. We try VERY hard not to micromanage and second-guess each other. This saves a lot of time. BUT, it only works if both parents are very, very reliable and can be trusted to complete their jobs on time and to the agreed-upon standard, taking initiative and not needing any reminders from the other person.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:31     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
The problem is that OP makes it sound so unfair that he has a second shift and how that is somehow under appreciated. Like he is not supposed to have a second shift but society has conspired to give him one. Meanwhile women just expect it.

This is the thing I notice about men who split parenting and housework relatively equally with their wives (who also work) - they consider it some kind of huge notable thing that they are MEN who have to balance work with family obligations. If they see a lot of men dropping off kids at daycare, they think to themselves, "wow, these men are so evolved" without thinking about the absurdity and injustice of the alternative - dumping both drop off and pickup on the wives that ALSO have jobs. It's not "evolved" that there are men at daycare drop off, it means there are two working parents and the men are more likely to do drop off so they can work later.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:30     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to get a grip. I worked FT, in office with a husband who worked long hours. I did all the morning and evening stuff, managed to clean my house, feed my kids, do laundry and enjoy my weekends. You and your husband are just lazy and not organized. I also enjoyed time with friends as did my DH and kids. You are just too much.


Definitely not lazy, we both have advanced degrees, but probably disorganized. So you did everything and your DH just worked? That actually probably works best honestly, I think coordination eats up a lot of our time.

How did it work in the evenings? Our kids are elementary and middle school, we have activities 4 nights a week, kids have homework and we both commute 30-60 minutes? How did you squeeze everything into the 5 hours from 6:00 - 11:00pm?
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:26     Subject: Re:Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!


I thought it was fabulous and amazing to be a WOHM, and SAHMs were a waste of space!!

I thought - SAHMs provided zero value when - house was clean, laundry done, meals cooked, grocery bought, cars serviced, house organized, bills paid, drycleaning picked, social engagements met, entertaining done, kids school and ECs nailed, eldercare sorted, petcare done, yardwork sorted, haircuts scheduled, wellness checkups done, dental and eye exams done, home remodeling/improvement thoughtfully done.

Oh dear! What happened?? Why has life become so shitty???


NP. Obligatory (but true) response that I do all this and also full time in an executive role.

SAHMs don't provide zero value, rather they provide the same home value as working parents without the income.


Sure. So why are WOHMs falling apart? Be happy, proud and fulfilled. WOHMs should have less angst than SAHMs because a) they can outsource lots of stuff with their money and b) their DHs are doing their second shift too. No? Should it not all be easy-peasy?


I don’t know any WOHMs falling apart. The OP is a man. But your sarcasm and smugness say a lot about how you feel about your choices.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:20     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
OP, you need to get a grip. I worked FT, in office with a husband who worked long hours. I did all the morning and evening stuff, managed to clean my house, feed my kids, do laundry and enjoy my weekends. You and your husband are just lazy and not organized. I also enjoyed time with friends as did my DH and kids. You are just too much.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:17     Subject: Re:Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When I see these posts, I always wonder if the OP had a SAHP or is generally unobservant. I and most of my millennial friends came from dual income families and our lives are pretty similar to what we grew up with (particularly those with transplant parents). In many ways, I have it easier than my parents: remote work exists, I have more disposable income, cities are much safer. Yeah, it’s a ton of work, but that’s not new.


I definitely think this is right. Ever since our second was born, DH has been bemoaning the lack of free time and the amount of chores and childcare he now needs to do. Like… what did he expect?! He also spends at least an hour each day working out, so it’s not like he gets zero time to himself. Plus we have local family who are able to help us out with sick days, school breaks, date night babysitting, etc. All in all, I think we have it pretty good for a dual-working parent family!

However, DH grew up with a SAHM, a dad who worked a lot and did minimal housework/childcare, au pairs/nannies, and housekeepers. I think that has got to be coloring his expectations. I grew up in a family with two parents who worked outside the house, so our lifestyle - which DH maintains is SO difficult - just seems normal to me.


So can people clarify what the problem is? DHs of WOHMs are not happy with the second shift or all married dads not happy with the second shift?

Maybe the problem is that having a SAHM wife at home and having money to outsource grunt work makes it easier for me? And maybe the DHs of SAHMs in households where HHI is not high and so dads have to pitch in find the second shift hard too?

Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:16     Subject: Re:Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!


I thought it was fabulous and amazing to be a WOHM, and SAHMs were a waste of space!!

I thought - SAHMs provided zero value when - house was clean, laundry done, meals cooked, grocery bought, cars serviced, house organized, bills paid, drycleaning picked, social engagements met, entertaining done, kids school and ECs nailed, eldercare sorted, petcare done, yardwork sorted, haircuts scheduled, wellness checkups done, dental and eye exams done, home remodeling/improvement thoughtfully done.

Oh dear! What happened?? Why has life become so shitty???


Wow, scrapping the barrel there.



lol that one and “paying bills”. Sahm always list this as an important task and really how long does this take?


Seriously. Everything is on autopay ot easily done online. I pay bills in Ubers between work meetings. Do I get a prize 😆😆😆


Sure, it's all easy until you have to start playing phone tag with health insurance companies and medical providers to figure out why they are billing you for stuff that should be covered. Or until your 529 provider screws up a rollover. Then it's nice to have an adult with free time during business hours....


We have never encountered anything like this, perhaps you have bad luck with services? Are you in a southern state with worse consumer protections?
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:15     Subject: Re:Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!


I thought it was fabulous and amazing to be a WOHM, and SAHMs were a waste of space!!

I thought - SAHMs provided zero value when - house was clean, laundry done, meals cooked, grocery bought, cars serviced, house organized, bills paid, drycleaning picked, social engagements met, entertaining done, kids school and ECs nailed, eldercare sorted, petcare done, yardwork sorted, haircuts scheduled, wellness checkups done, dental and eye exams done, home remodeling/improvement thoughtfully done.

Oh dear! What happened?? Why has life become so shitty???


Wow, scrapping the barrel there.



lol that one and “paying bills”. Sahm always list this as an important task and really how long does this take?


Seriously. Everything is on autopay ot easily done online. I pay bills in Ubers between work meetings. Do I get a prize 😆😆😆


Sure, it's all easy until you have to start playing phone tag with health insurance companies and medical providers to figure out why they are billing you for stuff that should be covered. Or until your 529 provider screws up a rollover. Then it's nice to have an adult with free time during business hours....


I still do all this. Spoke to a bday party venue for 20 mins to ensure they had my kid’s party on the books since their system was down. Reached out to my bank about a complex issue which required lengthy documentation. It’s not all or nothing. But I have no choice because I am a single, working parent. This is just a normal part of my life. No one else will do it. I’m not the only one in my position 🤷🏼‍♀️. Sometimes getting rid of dead weight simplifies life.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:13     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…


Whenever parents complain about this, I always ask, what exactly did you think raising kids was going to be like?

If you grew up in the 80s/90s, this was what life was. Regular daily life was come home, cook dinner, do chores, go to bed. Weekends were more chores, being dragged by your parents to run errands, and trips to the park. A couple times a year you went to the movies, maybe once a month you'd go out for pizza.

Our parents didn't have hobbies. Hell, my parents spent weekends buying junk at flea markets and then re-selling them at our garage sales for extra cash because their salaries didn't cover everything. That was their "hobby".

Messes AND financial problems are easily solved by, get rid of all the crap in your house and quit buying more.

I also want to check their screen time. My xH spent hours a day scrolling his phone, then complained he never had time for anything he wanted to do. Well, duh. Instead of spending 45 minutes pooping, get it done in 2 minutes then go do whatever it is you actually want to do.


Oh you mean when you could live off of one parents income? I grew up in the 90s, my mom stayed home as did virtually every other kid I knew.


That’s just not true.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:13     Subject: Re:Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!


I thought it was fabulous and amazing to be a WOHM, and SAHMs were a waste of space!!

I thought - SAHMs provided zero value when - house was clean, laundry done, meals cooked, grocery bought, cars serviced, house organized, bills paid, drycleaning picked, social engagements met, entertaining done, kids school and ECs nailed, eldercare sorted, petcare done, yardwork sorted, haircuts scheduled, wellness checkups done, dental and eye exams done, home remodeling/improvement thoughtfully done.

Oh dear! What happened?? Why has life become so shitty???


Wow, scrapping the barrel there.



lol that one and “paying bills”. Sahm always list this as an important task and really how long does this take?


Seriously. Everything is on autopay ot easily done online. I pay bills in Ubers between work meetings. Do I get a prize 😆😆😆


Sure, it's all easy until you have to start playing phone tag with health insurance companies and medical providers to figure out why they are billing you for stuff that should be covered. Or until your 529 provider screws up a rollover. Then it's nice to have an adult with free time during business hours....


Again, you’re really reaching here. You chose to have a more relaxed life and stay home. Why do you feel the need for us to validate you? Just enjoy your life.
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:12     Subject: Re:Second Shift - sucks for dads too
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!


I thought it was fabulous and amazing to be a WOHM, and SAHMs were a waste of space!!

I thought - SAHMs provided zero value when - house was clean, laundry done, meals cooked, grocery bought, cars serviced, house organized, bills paid, drycleaning picked, social engagements met, entertaining done, kids school and ECs nailed, eldercare sorted, petcare done, yardwork sorted, haircuts scheduled, wellness checkups done, dental and eye exams done, home remodeling/improvement thoughtfully done.

Oh dear! What happened?? Why has life become so shitty???


Wow, scrapping the barrel there.



lol that one and “paying bills”. Sahm always list this as an important task and really how long does this take?


Seriously. Everything is on autopay ot easily done online. I pay bills in Ubers between work meetings. Do I get a prize 😆😆😆


Your DH should be paying the bills on his "second shift". Seriously, is the WOHM flex now that they can do the SAHM job too! Well, congratulations!
Anonymous
Post 03/02/2026 19:11     Subject: Second Shift - sucks for dads too
OP, the PP who said to suck it up and learn to eat some leftovers is correct. Having a dual working parent household is tough, but insisting on cooking from scratch every night is just making it harder.