Anonymous wrote:Any woman who sits around waiting for a proposal loses my respect. Marriage is a partnership. We aren't in the 1300s. Both people should talk it through and decide if and when they want to get married. Women are competent adults who are more than capable of equal adults partnerships. This focus on getting a ring to take pictures of for instagram is nonsense. Have a conversation, decide together if marriage is what you want and if you are on the same timeline and then make decisions for your own life. This sitting around pining for a ring and a man to hold it out in front of him just makes women look pathetic.

I think you don't understand. A lot of time these are people who want to get married and are in great relationships, but the man isn't proposing for *reasons* that he can't even explain.

My dh and I had so many conversations and both wanted marriage, but he wanted to wait until 30 (we were 25 and had dated for 3.5 years). He just had the number 30 stuck in his brain, but it didn't match the reality of having met his wife in college. DH later agreed it was stupid that he had waited. We loved being married before we had kids in our 30s. We supported each other financially through our masters degrees and bought 2 houses together. Those were things I would never have done if we hadn't been married (I was not going to financially support a boyfriend!).

I wasn't sitting around pining for a ring. I was focused on getting married to start a marriage. I didn't want to wake up at 30 and have wasted 8 years on someone who then decided he didn't want to marry after all.

I think ultimatums help women move on from guys who are wasting their time. It's helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Any woman who sits around waiting for a proposal loses my respect. Marriage is a partnership. We aren't in the 1300s.mar Both people should talk it through and decide if and when they want to get ried. Women are competent adults who are more than capable of equal adults partnerships. This focus on getting a ring to take pictures of for instagram is nonsense. Have a conversation, decide together if marriage is what you want and if you are on the same timeline and then make decisions for your own life. This sitting around pining for a ring and a man to hold it out in front of him just makes women look pathetic.

That's how it worked for us. I like to tease my DH about whether or not he's ever going to propose to me. We've been married for 24 yrs.

Anonymous wrote:He is smart to not commit when she clearly is more into. Ring and a proposal than into him. Anyone who is focused ona ring and a proposal and issues ultimatums and is prepared to just move to the next guy to get what they want clearly has zero commitment or love either. He was just a means to an end and she is happy to discard him if she doesn’t get the expensive jewelry and instagram moment she wants. Why would a guy commit to a woman who doesn’t even love him or care about him - but just wants to see what he can give her? Men shouldn’t marry women who don’t care about them as a person. He isn’t wasting her time anymore than she is wasting his.

You can commit without a ring and Instagram story.

Anonymous wrote:I see “ultimatums” as a form of being clear about expectations, Why do they get such a bad rap?

My DH and I (married 18 years) dated almost 10 years before we got married. We got engaged the day after our 9th dating anniversary. We had started dating in our teens as freshman in college and hadn’t felt the need to marry young.

The Sept I was about to turn 28 we went to a wedding. I said after “I felt jealous and that made me feel sad. I don’t want to go to any more weddings as your girlfriend. We can go engaged or separately but I’m done going as your date. Also, if we’re on the same page and want to get married, I’d really like to marry before I’m 30 and it might take awhile to plan a wedding all my close relatives can attend.”

He said “cool! When’s the next wedding?” And I said “June”

I March, channeling some pressure from my mom, I said “I’ll be 29 in the fall, we’re dated all our 20s, and I’m getting worried we don’t want the same thing” and he said “you told me I had until June to propose.” Lol. He proposed in early May.

That’s not an ultimatum. That’s letting him know he was wasting your time

I see “ultimatums” as a form of being clear about expectations, Why do they get such a bad rap?

My DH and I (married 18 years) dated almost 10 years before we got married. We got engaged the day after our 9th dating anniversary. We had started dating in our teens as freshman in college and hadn’t felt the need to marry young.

The Sept I was about to turn 28 we went to a wedding. I said after “I felt jealous and that made me feel sad. I don’t want to go to any more weddings as your girlfriend. We can go engaged or separately but I’m done going as your date. Also, if we’re on the same page and want to get married, I’d really like to marry before I’m 30 and it might take awhile to plan a wedding all my close relatives can attend.”

He said “cool! When’s the next wedding?” And I said “June”

I March, channeling some pressure from my mom, I said “I’ll be 29 in the fall, we’re dated all our 20s, and I’m getting worried we don’t want the same thing” and he said “you told me I had until June to propose.” Lol. He proposed in early May.

He is smart to not commit when she clearly is more into. Ring and a proposal than into him. Anyone who is focused ona ring and a proposal and issues ultimatums and is prepared to just move to the next guy to get what they want clearly has zero commitment or love either. He was just a means to an end and she is happy to discard him if she doesn’t get the expensive jewelry and instagram moment she wants. Why would a guy commit to a woman who doesn’t even love him or care about him - but just wants to see what he can give her? Men shouldn’t marry women who don’t care about them as a person. He isn’t wasting her time anymore than she is wasting his.

Anonymous wrote:I gave my now husband a deadline to propose by but looking back, it was a mistake to marry a man who didn't want to propose on the same timeline.

I am really paying for it now and wish I had more patience back then to find the right person for me.

You got what you deserved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two years, no plan, time to move on.

This^.

Ultimatum - Don’t let the swinging door hit you in your a&@…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for her to move on if he doesn't want a commitment. No need to waste your 20s on these guys if you know what you want.

This. Time wasting losers should not get two years in your 20s!! What a waste.

Women that give an ultimatum deserve milk toast husbands so they can boss them around

Anonymous wrote:If he knew what she wanted and he didn’t want the same- he should have broken up with her. Instead he put it on her.
Good for her for being strong and moving on.

Good for him to not put up with ultimatums!

OP never came back

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your daughter wanted to get married to him, then she could have proposed.

Do women put a ring on it now?

This is such an idiotic question, and idiotic phrasing.

Why? Do women propose in 2026?

My mom proposed to my dad in 1972. They’ve been married almost 53 years.

If he knew what she wanted and he didn’t want the same- he should have broken up with her. Instead he put it on her.
Good for her for being strong and moving on.

She should be thankful she isn't pregnant and engaged to someone who has herpes and sexual dysfunction like the fiancé in other thread.

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is an idiot for wanting a proposal on a Holiday.

Did she communicate clearly that she wanted to get married? Or was she just waiting in silence, trying to send out hints that were never understood? That's also stupid.

Other than that, yes, waiting for two years for someone to make up their minds is long enough. If she's done waiting, she's correct to move on.

This. One year should be more than enough to know.