Anonymous wrote:The only issue for me would be excessive student loans. How to deal with that. Otherwise, I would let my DD live her life. It's hers to live. Let her do it.

Daughter says she has no debt

My only concern would be healthcare. I have a lot of nieces and nephews in their 20s who are in similar situations. One of them got cancer and had to do a gofundme because of course they didn’t have paid leave or anything. Luckily they had a lot of extended family who were able to kick in a lot of money to keep them afloat.
So make sure you have health insurance and something like Aflac — people are getting cancer younger and younger.

The only issue for me would be excessive student loans. How to deal with that. Otherwise, I would let my DD live her life. It's hers to live. Let her do it.

Anonymous wrote:I am OPs daughter. A friend pointed me here.

I work 3 days a week at the original Hopdoddys off SoCo. I am a bartender and bring home $1000-1600 a week for about 25 hours of working hours. I was in upper management but cut back because I wanted to focus on my music.

I made $11 an hour as a worker for the Texas Department of Family Services. It was soul crushing unethical work.

I have no dept and adequate savings. I travel extensively. I spend most of my time doing what I love with people I love. My band has played ACL twice and is booked to play SXSW this spring. I live simply in a space I find sacred. I have a long term commuter partner. I am, above all else, very happy.

My mother is a three time divorcee. She had a job she hates. A husband she hates. A lot e she hates but makes good money

So tell me who is the successful one here.

NP.
Wow. If this is real, good for you! I hope you will continue to do well and be happy.
OP, if this is real, I hope you will read this several times and figure out a way to salvage your relationship with your daughter, who sounds about the age of mine. Remember, our children are people who grow up to make their own choices. It's time for you to respect her choices AND HER PRIVACY.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All work is honorable and respectable. She is working 2 jobs and paying her bills. Be proud of her.

I just worry about her longevity. She doesn’t ever ask me for money but lives in a crowded apartment with her girlfriend and band mates. She just had so much potential now it seems like she may as well have dropped out. She’d be in the same place.

I get it. I have worries about my adult son. Different situation but still. All you can do is enjoy them and remain emotionally available and attuned. My son doesn't often bring up unhappiness with his own life (health problems are part of it and he's kind of withdrawn into himself) but when there is any mention I try to avoid giving advice but just listen really well. I might offer a suggestion but still accept whatever his response it.

Long ago an elderly lady said to me, "you'll always see your baby in him" and that's true.

I assume she didn't pursue that degree out of any idea she would get rich being a SW. I assume she did some kind of clinical stuff in the course of getting the advanced degree and that experience turned her off. But also, I have long held on to the idea that anything you have accomplished remains an asset of some kind, whether you use it directly or not. Ie she HAS the education, and although it's quite a few years out now, she would be in a different position if she does decide to get a "normal job" at some point than if she had in fact dropped out.

And you can be proud of your child even if they don't "live up to their potential." You can be proud of them for being who they are.

Anonymous wrote:I have not read everything. Did you pay for all her degree's? Is she not self supporting? Does she have heath insurance and a 401K? Are you leaving her an inheritance?

So many young people are setting themselves up for failure. I taught my sons good financial goals and aspirations. They have advanced degrees and no debt. They have money in the bank and fantastic credit scores. They will marry like mined women.

Doesn’t read the thread but has all the answers. I realize the point of this was to brag about yourself but had you bothered to read just this page of the thread you’d know the daughter is debt free, responsible, and happy. As most of us noted was likely, her degree had her in a miserable, low paying job. She’s making more money (your metric for everything) doing what she loves.

To the daughter, congratulations! I think it’s wonderful that you’ve figured out how to follow your passion.

I have not read everything. Did you pay for all her degree's? Is she not self supporting? Does she have heath insurance and a 401K? Are you leaving her an inheritance?

So many young people are setting themselves up for failure. I taught my sons good financial goals and aspirations. They have advanced degrees and no debt. They have money in the bank and fantastic credit scores. They will marry like mined women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you’re not my mother. No contact for your daughter is really the only solution here.

I hope this is satire.

No, it is not. Why? This is a mother who is ashamed of her daughter who is happily living her life. The daughter would be well rid of her.

I don’t notice anything indicative of a parent who’s ashamed of their daughter. My perception is that of parent who’s raised her children to value education and she obviously does because she has earned the degree. The daughter has the skills it too to get the degree. The mother is concerned about her daughter’s future and how this will affect her. I don’t think this is all that uncommon, I’ve heard of more people than I would have thought who’s grown children have a degree and are under employed because that’s what they want to do for variety of reasons. The adult child don’t always hold of the mirror to reflect back to the parents the way they were raised. Perhaps the daughter could try to work part time in her field, to see if she really does or doesn’t want to do it. And continue to work part time at what she’s doing now since she seems to enjoy it. Just something to consider. In the meantime, this won’t be the way it is now indefinitely. She’s obviously bright and will likely decide to use her degree at some point in the foreseeable future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OPs daughter. A friend pointed me here.

I work 3 days a week at the original Hopdoddys off SoCo. I am a bartender and bring home $1000-1600 a week for about 25 hours of working hours. I was in upper management but cut back because I wanted to focus on my music.

I made $11 an hour as a worker for the Texas Department of Family Services. It was soul crushing unethical work.

I have no dept and adequate savings. I travel extensively. I spend most of my time doing what I love with people I love. My band has played ACL twice and is booked to play SXSW this spring. I live simply in a space I find sacred. I have a long term commuter partner. I am, above all else, very happy.

My mother is a three time divorcee. She had a job she hates. A husband she hates. A lot e she hates but makes good money

So tell me who is the successful one here.

I truly hope this is real, and if it is I just want you to know that it is totally clear how crappy your mom is from her posts. Keep on living your best life and pursuing your music!

+1000000000 good for you!

Anonymous wrote:I am OPs daughter. A friend pointed me here.

I work 3 days a week at the original Hopdoddys off SoCo. I am a bartender and bring home $1000-1600 a week for about 25 hours of working hours. I was in upper management but cut back because I wanted to focus on my music.

I made $11 an hour as a worker for the Texas Department of Family Services. It was soul crushing unethical work.

I have no dept and adequate savings. I travel extensively. I spend most of my time doing what I love with people I love. My band has played ACL twice and is booked to play SXSW this spring. I live simply in a space I find sacred. I have a long term commuter partner. I am, above all else, very happy.

My mother is a three time divorcee. She had a job she hates. A husband she hates. A lot e she hates but makes good money

So tell me who is the successful one here.

I truly hope this is real, and if it is I just want you to know that it is totally clear how crappy your mom is from her posts. Keep on living your best life and pursuing your music!

*debt *committed

Sorry I am actively raging

I am OPs daughter. A friend pointed me here.

I work 3 days a week at the original Hopdoddys off SoCo. I am a bartender and bring home $1000-1600 a week for about 25 hours of working hours. I was in upper management but cut back because I wanted to focus on my music.

I made $11 an hour as a worker for the Texas Department of Family Services. It was soul crushing unethical work.

I have no dept and adequate savings. I travel extensively. I spend most of my time doing what I love with people I love. My band has played ACL twice and is booked to play SXSW this spring. I live simply in a space I find sacred. I have a long term commuter partner. I am, above all else, very happy.

My mother is a three time divorcee. She had a job she hates. A husband she hates. A lot e she hates but makes good money

So tell me who is the successful one here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is doing ok OP. She's probably making more money than she would be using her MSW.

but how long can a person play in a punk band, or pay your bills just by flipping burgers.

Well if it pays more than your MSW then how long can you pay doing that...

I don't think flipping burgers pays more than a work for someone with an MSW. Entry level social work in the DC are pays around $55K per year. And you get benefits, and probably a pension.

I doubt flipping burgers pays that much, and not sure if they get benefits. It sure doesn't provide a pension.

No one is "flipping burgers." She's likely a bartender or server at a Red Robin or something (if she's even near burgers at all and OP isn't exaggerating because she's furious about her kid working in the restaurant industry). In which case she absolutely could be making more than an MSW. OP's trying to get us to picture someone standing over the grill at McDonald's -- and I very much doubt that's it.

NP here and I agree. OP, this is why the other commenters are ragging on you and (maybe unfairly) dogpiling on you -- you seem to be hellbent on portraying your daughter in the most negative way possible. Trying to skew your daughter as a burger flipper who's wasting her potential/her advanced degree when she's really working as a waitress and pursuing a music career just seems disingenuous and negates your DD's strengths.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is doing ok OP. She's probably making more money than she would be using her MSW.

but how long can a person play in a punk band, or pay your bills just by flipping burgers.

Well if it pays more than your MSW then how long can you pay doing that...

I don't think flipping burgers pays more than a work for someone with an MSW. Entry level social work in the DC are pays around $55K per year. And you get benefits, and probably a pension.

I doubt flipping burgers pays that much, and not sure if they get benefits. It sure doesn't provide a pension.

I think based off of the OP's post, her daughter works as a waitress (she says she is "serving burgers and beer"). Waitressing at high-volume places pays pretty well -- depending on the restaurant and amount of hours worked, it could be over $55k/year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is doing ok OP. She's probably making more money than she would be using her MSW.

but how long can a person play in a punk band, or pay your bills just by flipping burgers.

Well if it pays more than your MSW then how long can you pay doing that...

I don't think flipping burgers pays more than a work for someone with an MSW. Entry level social work in the DC are pays around $55K per year. And you get benefits, and probably a pension.

I doubt flipping burgers pays that much, and not sure if they get benefits. It sure doesn't provide a pension.

No one is "flipping burgers." She's likely a bartender or server at a Red Robin or something (if she's even near burgers at all and OP isn't exaggerating because she's furious about her kid working in the restaurant industry). In which case she absolutely could be making more than an MSW. OP's trying to get us to picture someone standing over the grill at McDonald's -- and I very much doubt that's it.