Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman and about 7 hours away from us, no direct flights so driving is best way to get there. In-laws have said they really want to visit him. They are only 75 so not super elderly, but don't feel comfortable with very long distances anymore. The other option is a train that would get them 2 hours away or a bus (a comfortable one, not Greyhound) which could get them to the small town where college is. They've basically said they do not want to do the train or bus so dh and I would have to drive them.

We had not planned a trip at all because we went twice in the fall (drop off and parents weekend) and are going to move him out in early May. DS has to come to us for an event in February and has Spring break in March so we will see him this term as well. How would you deal with this? I am really dreading the idea of planning this whole overnight trip with in-laws with hotel rooms and hanging out the whole entire weekend and long drive back and forth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have they paid for any of it?

You mean college? No, they have never paid for anything in our lives. We have had to help them out.

Why is it that people think their parents should pay for their children?

Wondered why OP was "scared" of displeasing them.

I’m scared bc I hate conflict. I’ve seen mil completely lose it on other family members before (long rants to full on screaming tantrum level) and I have zero desire to go there with her.

Then it looks like you’re heading on a long road trip to college with them. Either you grow a spine and set a boundary or you accept the consequences of not having a spine and stop complaining.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why can’t your adult college child coordinate this with his adult grandparents?

Why are OP/Parents wedged in the middle of this.

Ugh.

Because the grandparents expect to be driven/escorted around campus … they don’t want to plan the trip on their own with their grandson, or take public transportation, or drive on their own.

I agree with posts above "We are not planning on traveling to visit him this semester. DS is busy and will be home in March and I am sure would love to see you."

My in-laws are also super pushy and impose themselves into all sorts of scenarios. It's already end of January. March will arrive soon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why can’t your adult college child coordinate this with his adult grandparents?

Why are OP/Parents wedged in the middle of this.

Ugh.

Because the grandparents expect to be driven/escorted around campus … they don’t want to plan the trip on their own with their grandson, or take public transportation, or drive on their own.

Anonymous wrote:Preface. I think we're more family oriented than many on DCUM. And, I have learned that I don't often regret the things I do, but I do regret opportunities missed. So, here, where your son would love having a meal out with his grandparents and his grandparents would love to connect by seeing where he is now, I would do it. Family is important and I would want my son to be able to show his grandparents where he's living and what he's doing.

It wouldn't be a weekend trip, just an overnight. If I were resentful about paying their share (and I might be), I would ask for their credit card so I could book their room. And, I'd plan it rather than relying on spouse because I like to be in control of where we stay and what we do. And, if there were places I wanted to stop on the way there or back, I would do it.

Last thing. My kids love their grandmother (only grand they had by the time they came around) even though she was not often present for them. Kids are so forgiving and so accepting of people's limitations.

Anonymous wrote:I see lots of potential conflicts. The in-laws will probably insist on a certain weekend that conflicts with your son’s schedule and will pressure your son to rearrange his schedule, or you will get everything set up and in-laws will ask you to change the date at the very last minute for some frivolous reason. Or your son can host his family for just a few hours but MIL will be hurt that it’s not more time. Or MIL will sense your hesitation and will sulk the whole time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why can’t your adult college child coordinate this with his adult grandparents?

Why are OP/Parents wedged in the middle of this.

Ugh.

Because the grandparents expect to be driven/escorted around campus … they don’t want to plan the trip on their own with their grandson, or take public transportation, or drive on their own.

Anonymous wrote:
Why can’t your adult college child coordinate this with his adult grandparents?

Why are OP/Parents wedged in the middle of this.

Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have they paid for any of it?

You mean college? No, they have never paid for anything in our lives. We have had to help them out.

Why is it that people think their parents should pay for their children?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have they paid for any of it?

You mean college? No, they have never paid for anything in our lives. We have had to help them out.

Why is it that people think their parents should pay for their children?

Wondered why OP was "scared" of displeasing them.

I’m scared bc I hate conflict. I’ve seen mil completely lose it on other family members before (long rants to full on screaming tantrum level) and I have zero desire to go there with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have they paid for any of it?

You mean college? No, they have never paid for anything in our lives. We have had to help them out.

Why is it that people think their parents should pay for their children?

Wondered why OP was "scared" of displeasing them.

I’m scared bc I hate conflict. I’ve seen mil completely lose it on other family members before (long rants to full on screaming tantrum level) and I have zero desire to go there with her.

This seems like something that should have been included in the original post.