Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

truly wallow in my despair.

Your mother would not want this for you

I know, and it's what allows me to be okay 99% of the time. I just miss her so much, and there are still moments when the realization that she is gone hits me like a tidal wave.

Not normal if you are 30+

GMAFB. Who are you to define what’s normal grieving?

Thank you for this.

I was feeling so embarrassed and ashamed of still grieving over my dad even though it's been several years and I'm in my 50's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

truly wallow in my despair.

Your mother would not want this for you

I know, and it's what allows me to be okay 99% of the time. I just miss her so much, and there are still moments when the realization that she is gone hits me like a tidal wave.

Not normal if you are 30+

GMAFB. Who are you to define what’s normal grieving?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

truly wallow in my despair.

Your mother would not want this for you

I know, and it's what allows me to be okay 99% of the time. I just miss her so much, and there are still moments when the realization that she is gone hits me like a tidal wave.

Not normal if you are 30+

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more abnormal when an old (like 85+) person dies of natural causes and their child acts like it is the shock of the century. Did you think they would live to be 100+?

Exactly. You should be be prepared for your parents' deaths by the time they're 60. A heart attack could come along and take them away in an instant.

Why do so many people have such unnatural and unhealthy attitudes towards death?

You post s**t like this on every thread. 60 is not “old” nowadays, but regardless, there’s nothing psychological about being shocked or devastated when people die at 60. My kids will be in their twenties when I’m 60.

And while I agree that it’s not shocking when a parent in their 80s dies, it can still cause very deep grief. But there’s no right or wrong way to experience it.

60 is old. Not old enough you should be surprised if they don't die, but old enough you shouldn't be surprised if they do. If a 60yo dying hits you that hard, you've failed in your preparations. People in their 20s don't need their parents anymore. It actually removes a lot of the potential burden of elderly caregiving, leading to a happier life overall.

I agree with you with the exception of people in their 20s. Many 20 somethings are pretty immature now, so it’s “in their 30s”.
To add, most parents don’t even provide childcare help.
Yet they live on and on and require eldercare. Fantastic.

Normal adults don’t grieve for years once their elderly parent dies.
I can understand a 20 year old feeling lost and sad for a long time after losing a parent but a 50 year old?!
But then, one of my parents was mentally ill and it was a relief when they died and the other one is a weak enabler who is cognitively gone essentially so I am ready for them to stop depending on me!

Did not read it all. Normal. Grief is individual and very personal.

I lost a parent and just for me, very personal emotions I have not shared.

We are all human and of course he’s dealing with a significant loss under the hood.

He may never want to let you inside his grief and that’s OK.

I lost both my parents in 2025 and had a similar reaction as your DH. I am female. I miss them, but I am not bottling anything up — I think I just look at things rationally. I have good memories of them, so I think about those things.

Sounds normal to me. How long are you supposed to be outwardly upset?

I think this is normal. I am a woman.

My mother died three years ago and I hadn't seen or spoken to her in 15 years. I learned through a text from a cousin I talk to every few years. I didn't even attend her funeral. None of my colleagues were told and they still think she's alive

Every situation is different. My parents recently passed in their 90’s. I grieved for awhile but they had wonderful long lives until the last five years. I think about them every day but with a smile.

There is no normal. My father had an elective surgery that was supposed to help him and during his 3 month recovery caught pneumonia then started to decline. It all happened in less than 10 months. I was traveling back to NY every week. I left one weekend, he died the day before I was going back. We were very close and I was in shock for a long time. I did not cry for 8 months. My siblings did immediately then got over it. I felt the loss much later.

Anonymous wrote:My dad was old, but it was a suicide. So I basically was completely traumatized and had chest pain for months. I think when my mom and stepparents die I will be fine.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent to suicide at any age is very hard.

I've watched the way my parents dealt with the deaths of their parents. My father was close to his parents and they died within two weeks of each other. That hit him pretty hard. On the other hand, my maternal grandfather was a deadbeat and my grandmother had severe dementia - so at the end it was like she wasn't even the same person we'd known for so many years. So my mom moved on much more easily than my dad did.

I will be relieved, but there will also be moments of sadness and loss.

For any of you to judge anyone else on how and when people deal with grief- you're horrible people.

Everyone will deal with their own grief, in their own way, in their own time.