Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a lawyer in my mid-forties, and for the first time I average low seven figures. My XH consistently made low seven figures, too (not lawyer). I plan to start dating soon after having gotten out of my 20 year marriage.

Partly because of his earning history, but now especially because of my own, I cannot imagine dating a man who earns less (either through his work or passive income). I realize that this will hugely reduce the candidate pool.

Are there any dating sites where people are pre-selected based on income and/or assets?

Why though?

OP here. I can't imagine the guy earning less for two reasons: the guy will have an inferiority complex, and because I like myself in a supporting role, just like in my previous marriage. I prefer someone successful to whom I can look up. From my point of view earning $1m+ per year is not a huge achievement, so that is my minimum standard.

So you still want to be the little woman in the relationship. That’s so effed up.

This. Wanting to "look up" to someone when you're in your 40s? Sounds like you need therapy.

Also, the kind of wealthy men who are looking for a support type partner aren't looking for someone in their 40s. This kind of man either is married to the woman he married decades ago or he's divorced and will remarry a woman who is much younger.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking up to/admiring your partner. The issue is that OP has picked this one thing - annual income. She’s not even admiring work ethic since she says passive income is sufficient. I am woman law partner married to someone who makes a lot less. I absolutely look up to so many admirable things he is and does. And does that with me too.

Try wine tastings or other expensive male dominated hobbies.

I am a 40-year-old woman working in fintech, earning $1.7M per year, and I am married to a 41-year-old man who has been a piano and vocal teacher since the age of 29. I met him when I took my niece to his place for piano and singing lessons, and we got married three months later. He is a former college lacrosse player—tall, extremely handsome, very kind, very good in bed, and he treats me like I am the best thing that has ever happened to him.

On a scale of attractiveness, he is a ten and I am a five. He has earned about $35K per year for the past twelve years because he spends a lot of time playing golf and pickleball with our two children. He would have no problem finding someone much younger and more attractive than I am if he ever decided to leave me—thank God he doesn’t. Many of my male colleagues’ wives look at my husband with jealousy.

What can I get with $5M per year that I can’t get with $1.7M per year?

Anonymous wrote:You’re in a male dominated field where men make a lot of money. If you’re as hot as you think you are, you don’t need apps or a matchmaker. You should be able to flirt with colleagues, opposing counsel, and at networking events and have men fighting for you.

Why is that not working for you?

OP here. I only recently got out of my marriage. Plus, it is inappropriate to flirt with opposing counsel. The flirtatious men at conferences were looking for a temporary escape from their wives. But I'll keep looking.

You’re in a male dominated field where men make a lot of money. If you’re as hot as you think you are, you don’t need apps or a matchmaker. You should be able to flirt with colleagues, opposing counsel, and at networking events and have men fighting for you.

Why is that not working for you?

Op—I’m in a similar situation but I’m in my 50s. I’m dating a 60 yr old who makes a similar amount. In a lot of ways, it’s just like dating someone in your own economic bracket in your 20s. We travel the world and we don’t really think about who is paying for what. It really all does come out in the wash which is nice.

One thing that I would consider is where any potential partner is w.r.t kids. I’m remote but still have one kid at home. Both of his kids are out of the house and he owns his own consulting company so I’m the “less desirable” partner when it comes to travel.

OP, you sound like a very transactional person. It doesn’t sound like this has brought you happiness or fulfillment. Maybe rather than dating, it’s actually better to take some time to gain some insight into yourself and why you prioritize this to such a degree?

Also, just practically speaking—are you planning to ask people’s income on the first date?

Anonymous wrote:That's not going to happen. Guys divorced and making 7 figures date younger women.

This is what I was thinking. You’re going to have to look for men in their 60s

Most guys like that are looking for a young beautiful woman, OP. I speak from experience because that is my circle.

Lol have fun. I made a beautiful life with a man who didn’t make six figures. He’s a great dad, incredible in bed, hilarious and really smart. He’s loyal and I can’t imagine screening men out because of salary. But hey, more great men for women who aren’t shallow. 🤷‍♀️

I think looking just for someone who makes 7 figures + is the wrong way to look at it and may give insight into you.

Look into a matchmaking service, but honestly most men who make 7 figures+ probably want a beautiful young person.

I have two female friends both partners at big law firms one making 7 and the other makes high 6 figures. They are both the breadwinners and both have successful marriages. One spouse was a former military but now does something else but he has lots of interesting stories. The other married a man who was a great athlete and had degrees from top universities.

I think you should look for people who have similar likes as you and someone who makes you laugh.

My cousin will make 7 figures as a specialty surgeon soon and her husband makes very low 6 figures. They have a great relationship. They fit. She said there have been rumors of affairs with doctors, nurses and staff and she didn’t want to deal with that. She wanted someone who could deal with her crazy hours and who then could take care of other things.

I understand particularly because you already made this money and the person isn’t supporting you (unlike say your spouse working to support you in law school).

Ask your colleagues and friends in similar salary brackets to set you up. That might work too.

Can you take a vacation with a friend or two to a fancy hotel and get to know people there? Matchmaking might make the most sense, I just think if you find someone making high 6 figures you shouldn’t rule them out.

Just look for a guy in finance or real estate development.

I feel like you could be happy with anyone who earns at least $400k as long as they don't have crushing financial obligations from a first marriage. $400k should be enough to keep up with you, OP, on travel and recreation. And you'd obviously get a prenup if you ever remarry, but why remarry at this point in life?

You could find a guy who makes 7-figures, but most of it goes out the door between child support, alimony, college that wasn't saved for, and maybe taking care of his parents or other family members. You have to be more flexible in your thinking.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP: I make $160k as a mechanical engineer and I’m a better husband than you could ever dream of having.

I’m a woman similar to OP just not in law. I’m a former attorney CPA turned real estate developer. I can show any decent man making $180k how to make close to $1m/year. It will take about 7 years to achieve. Money is plentiful like dirt in this country - most people just don’t want to work hard digging for it, or have different priorities. Good men are more rare than $1m/year salary. And salaried $1m/year is actually not a lot, after taxes.

I don’t get OPs fixation on wealthy but if thats her preference I think she can find it. I personally find law partners and doctors the most boring men out there. I usually date all sorts of PhDs, all sorts of business guys, and high profile men in their respective fields . Legislators, judges, researchers etc.

You've already had one failed marriage with a high earning guy. I get why you may not want to date someone who earns less than 100K, but you seem to be self limiting to an extreme amount. You're likely going to miss out on some quality guys all because they don't make 7 figures. Is there really much of a difference for you between 400K and 1 mil?