Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

Fully agree. And note that there are many Asians who were active participants in the less striver-y culture that used to be more prevalent. I'm not sure why it is so hard for people to understand that historically really smart kids were able to go to college, work hard, learn a lot, but also relax, have fun, socially mature, and not be obsessed with grades, how their peers were doing academically, and outwardly sucking up. It really can happen. These kids weren't lazy. They weren't dumb. They weren't unmotivated. They weren't overprivileged white folk (though there were some of these and still are).

All of the people who are obsessed with "meritocracy" and endorse the striver behavior being described throughout this thread (which unfortunately so many posters are refusing to read and digest) don't understand the point of college. It isn't just about academics and/or job hunting. It is a time of social and emotional growth. I understand that as the price rapidly increases, people have to focus more on ROI. But part of the ROI is intangible.

I wish admissions officers at top schools would revert to their prior goals and seek out very smart but well-rounded, kind, fun, down-to-earth kids who used to be very common at top schools but have now become virtually extinct - it is now a split between the super rich kids and the super academic striver kids, with nothing in between. And again, plenty of these in between kids were Asians and minorities.

Now waiting for lots of responses from people who don't understand what I'm saying and won't take 30 seconds to think about it and think I want schools full of "lazy rich white kids."

I’ve never understood the culture of relentless, often pointless grinding—or the illusion of meritocracy built on sacrificing childhood in the name of “getting ahead.” Perhaps it stems from insecurity, with some people relying on external validation to prove their worth. Truly talented people tend to invest their time naturally in what interests them, rather than being pushed to excel.

the sad part is all of the striver behavior really does impact emotional and psychological development during the crucial teenage years. And not in a good way. I would support a much “lower ranked” target school where kids can develop with a healthier and more balanced approach during the teenage years. I really feel sorry for many of these striver kids - it’s a lost generation in many respects

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

Fully agree. And note that there are many Asians who were active participants in the less striver-y culture that used to be more prevalent. I'm not sure why it is so hard for people to understand that historically really smart kids were able to go to college, work hard, learn a lot, but also relax, have fun, socially mature, and not be obsessed with grades, how their peers were doing academically, and outwardly sucking up. It really can happen. These kids weren't lazy. They weren't dumb. They weren't unmotivated. They weren't overprivileged white folk (though there were some of these and still are).

All of the people who are obsessed with "meritocracy" and endorse the striver behavior being described throughout this thread (which unfortunately so many posters are refusing to read and digest) don't understand the point of college. It isn't just about academics and/or job hunting. It is a time of social and emotional growth. I understand that as the price rapidly increases, people have to focus more on ROI. But part of the ROI is intangible.

I wish admissions officers at top schools would revert to their prior goals and seek out very smart but well-rounded, kind, fun, down-to-earth kids who used to be very common at top schools but have now become virtually extinct - it is now a split between the super rich kids and the super academic striver kids, with nothing in between. And again, plenty of these in between kids were Asians and minorities.

Now waiting for lots of responses from people who don't understand what I'm saying and won't take 30 seconds to think about it and think I want schools full of "lazy rich white kids."

I think the environment can be as important as the people— where access to research, resume building clubs, etc is not competitive and there isn’t a hard curve in stem intros, even places where kids are ambitious (whether you want to call that striver or something else), there won’t be a feeling of scarcity and hunger games competition and the atmosphere will be much more relaxed and happy. If that is what the OP means, the. SLACs are a good bet; a PP mentioned Amherst, my DC is also at a WASP and having a similar experience.

My freshman has found Amherst to be this way. She came from a very intensely competitive boarding school environment and has found college to be a breath of fresh air by comparison, even as a stem major.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

The good news is that there are plenty of state schools where racist spawn can party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

Kids will find other kids who share their interests wherever they go.

In a school of 5000+ kids, having fewer kids regularly getting drunk and hooking up does not mean there isn’t plenty of opportunity for those who do.

Moderation and mixing of personalities is a good thing.

That said, if you want your kid going out drinking and partying more than 2x a week along with 5,000+ drunk peers, there are plenty of schools that offer that.

As a Duke grad, I’m ok that kegs are no longer available 6 nights a week at various fraternity sections. We tended to go out 2x a week, max, and it was plenty. We had plenty of other opportunities to socialize, drink, dance, and hook up. (If you think the only way that happens now is out in some remote field at off campus fraternity parties, you’re crazy. Kids are kids.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Duke and when I went to a top tier professional school, it was very clear how much more relaxed and comfortable in their own skin the Duke alums than people from almost every other school (while still being top achievers). We got our work done very well with much less drama than others.

Unfortunately, I think Duke has a lot more strivers now than it used to. Which is really too bad. I think a non-striver can still be happy there if they can avoid getting sucked in.

This is satire, right?

I think it's an utter lack of self awareness. I've never met a more obnoxious group as a whole than Duke grads. They are insufferable.

Funny because in corporate America Duke alums have a reputation as being the best to work with because they have people skills, unlike Ivy League nerds, bookworms and strivers. Agree that there are plenty of D-bags from Duke, but there are many who are not.

DDMF.

I mean you - presumably a Duke alum - insulted Ivy grads "nerds, bookworms and strivers." Which proves my point of how insufferable Duke grads are.

NP

DDMF

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

Why do you hate Asians?

Another reason why we can't tell the difference anymore because uni is so incredibly expensive some students work full time and study full time while others don't. It's not fair, it's not supportive, and it reflects our contempt for education as we create a predatory education system that needs students to get in a lifetime of debt for unsecure, devalues , and risky chances at roi.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Diligent and Striver do not mean the same thing. Many diligent students are not Strivers.

Strivers = kids who memorize and regurgitate definitions, primarily for the purpose of achieving good test scores.

Diligent = kids who take the time to understand language and recognize that words are tools which we use to communicate.

Strivers- mommy’s proud of me because I study hard and get good grades

diligent - mommy’s proud of me because I study hard and don’t get quite as good grades but mommy says I learn at a “deeper level”

Anonymous wrote:Can you please suggest colleges for a bright person but without the rat race mentality that is still prestigious?

None of the T15 or the T5 LACs are for chill relaxed non-driven people. You should not go to those places unless you are highly motivated. -Parent of students at one T10, one ivy, and we went to different ivies. They are fabulous schools that help get you anywhere you want to go in life: top journalism, top science phD, start a company, top law, top med...and sure the popular back up plan of consulting or working for a think tank while you sort out your true passion. All much more likely from these schools. The students almost all have top goals. What is wrong with that? The majority there are on some amount of need based aid, a refreshing change from when the schools were majority rich kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people that use the word "striver" when talking about teenagers?

I guess Muffy and Buffy now actually need to study. Tragic. The world is collapsing.

One can study hard and do well without being a total stress case who is constantly saying "what did you get?" and running over peers in order to be #1.

Either 1) you are a striver, or 2) you have been fortunate not to encounter too many of them. They are truly miserable.

Whatever. To strive, if you actually look at a dictionary means, to make a vigorous, determined effort to achieve a goal, often involving hard work, perseverance, and overcoming challenges. Being a striver is a good thing.

I feel like some of these "anti-striver" posts are coded from people who don't want their kids around too many Asians (the way some people didn't want their kids to go to school with Jews in the 1950s.)

The word as it used in this context does not exactly match the dictionary definition. Language evolves faster than dictionaries are rewritten.

Don't want their kids around too many Asians?!

Striver workplaces are also miserable. Oops! Am I racist for saying that?

Outside of DCUM, the word striver is a very positive word.

All the legitimately most successful people are more than happy to define themselves as strivers and they lament how difficult it is to install the striver mentality in their own children because they have such privileged upbringings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the points of differentiating Strivers and Diligents?

Anyway the goal is the become rich and powerful. One by grinding and the other by talking

Of course you don’t. You’re an incurious striver.

No I am not. It's pointless