If my kid was going to grad school or working in the city I live in and wanted to live at home to save, I would be 100% for it. I would want the DC to contribute chores and I would be thrilled to help them save for their own home. What a blessing that could be.

I know someone like this. They married and lived with their parents throughout the marriage (20s/30s). Had a baby and then got divorced. The woman finally launched only to come back home to the parents with the kid. I'm so confused by this type of behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define failure to launch specifically. Like has job but has to live at home? Or never finished college? At what age is an adult child still ‘figuring things out’ and at what age does it become ‘failure to launch’?

If by 25, they don't have a degree, a job, a partner and paying their own rent, they are failing to launch and by 30 if things don't improve, they've failed. That being said, some people are late bloomers so never say never but its not easy to turn life around after 30.

"A partner at 25" is doing some very heavy lifting here

Thinking we were ready to be married at 25 is actually probably why my ex and I are divorced today

I think a lot of this thread is filled with posters of singular experience, probably with siblings whom they resent for getting more than they did from their parents, or something.

And somehow people tell me I'm lucky that my son and his wife want to move back here and take my house over for me.

My brother lives in another country and he's lived since his 30s since moving there to study ... he actually supports her whole family.

Where they live, it only takes 1K a month to maintain all of them.

Failure to launch is some kind of American capitalist thing, and then there are whole message boards about how parents don't talk to their kids, or kids don't talk to their parents

And I am American

Interesting question.

I think I would just like to know what we are supposed to spend our money on if we have the ability to have extra and can help our kids in this lifetime rather than after we're dead.

My in-laws came into a 90s windfall from sale of a dot.com. Like say maybe 50m. They immediately established annual tax exclusion gifts to all their kids equally. Some of us used that to renovate our homes. Some of us used that to establish 529s for our kids. Some of us used that as down payments to buy homes.

None of us were failure to launch, we were gladly taking that money. My husband and I were fortunate enough to be the ones who did 529s, all our 4 kids colleges were paid for. The ones who renovated their house are the ones where grandma and grandpa paid for their private school and are definitely and obviously paying for their college today. They're like 90 now.

But all kids are good kids. None has been through rehab or legal processes or kicked out of any schools. All good kids. There are like 18 of them, the cousins.

Spend your money on what you want to spend it on.

Anonymous wrote:Unless they've severe health issues, its rare for a young American to be living at home after 20 if they have had enough social, professional, logistical and financial skills to live independently.

Unless you have a property with an unoccupied apartment on premises that you don't use and don't want to rent out to strangers anymore. We don't need the rent money and it's nice to have our 24 yo kid on premises while they attend local school and work. No stress for them about paying rent, no stress on our part about having an adverse relationship with tenants. Last time we had one, her dad was apparently prowling the premises trying to find things they could deduct rent for.

She made me take out a whole toilet paper holder because her dad "smelled black mold". I think they also smelled money.

Like no more of that business.

^ But I hear he lives with his dad now.

You win this thread 😂😂😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually care less about the FTL adult child than I do about the parental reactions. Do they consistently or episodically enable and support destructive behavior? Do they disagree with the FTL child’s warped sense of reality?

And then … if the FTL child is 40 and still getting substantial financial support, whose fault is that and WWJD?

Well by that age, Jesus had already died and risen. If that is the bar, we are all FTL.

^ But I hear he lives with his dad now.

Anonymous wrote:I actually care less about the FTL adult child than I do about the parental reactions. Do they consistently or episodically enable and support destructive behavior? Do they disagree with the FTL child’s warped sense of reality?

And then … if the FTL child is 40 and still getting substantial financial support, whose fault is that and WWJD?

Well by that age, Jesus had already died and risen. If that is the bar, we are all FTL.

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge failure to launch kids, I judge their enabler parents.

This web site is a giant circle jerk of judgment, so good job doing your part lol

I don't judge failure to launch kids, I judge their enabler parents.

Anonymous wrote:Define failure to launch specifically. Like has job but has to live at home? Or never finished college? At what age is an adult child still ‘figuring things out’ and at what age does it become ‘failure to launch’?

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