Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 06:20     Subject: Re:DS upset about loans
Great first hand learning opportunity for the kid. He is learning that colleges charge a premium to MC and UMC kids to cover their social engineering experiments and grow their endowments. He is learning what he wants has a price, a very hard lesson for the participation trophy generation. He is learning that budgets exist and that when you can’t live within a budget that you accrue debt. He is also learning that like it or not life isn’t fair.

Sure these lessons could have and perhaps should have been learned sooner in life but better to learn them now rather than latter.

He should reflect over semester break on whether or not the school he is attending is worth the $20K in annual debt. If so stay the course and if not transfer.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 02:43     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:This is a troll.

He can't take out more than 5700 per year in loans in his own name. Any more after that, it's a private loan you'd have to cosign for so it's your loan, too.


+1

I agree. They were obviously baiting with the Starbucks comment but nobody has taken it. If they were actually in this situation, they would have mentioned being co-signer.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 02:23     Subject: DS upset about loans
If this is your child’s first exposure to a group of people wealthier than he is, it’s may be culture shock and envy. Also envious of the roomate who seems to have been luckier with the scholarship.
First, you call out the envy and how it’s apart of life that we meet those richer and those who may seem to be more “lucky” in life. Then get to the practical side of whether he’s regretting the choice to attend a school outside of the price range that would allow him to buy Starbucks.
It’s almost like immediately regretting the stretch to buy the smallest house in the nicest neighborhood and being house poor while surrounded by mansions.
If he loves his college, he needs to get a job. If he wants to transfer, now is the time to look and help him make a better choice.
His first instinct as a young adult is to blame his parents for somehow not being rich enough to keep him in the lifestyle he feels entitled to. Shut that down. He’s an adult who made a decision. If he regrets it or doesn’t like the reality, he has the tools and ability to do so and you will be there for him.
Student loan debt is the worst and unless it has to be taken on, it doesn’t make much sense in 2025 to do so.
Many, many wonderful colleges, even private LACs, that don’t cost 92k a year.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 02:12     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.


No, don’t do this. The poor aren’t there to be a life lesson. And shame on you for thinking this way.

Enjoy Hell. Because that is where you are going when you die.


This escalated quickly.
Sometimes we need to take a step back and realize that any help or good will should be appreciated. The motivation for the service may not be ideal but it’s an opportunity to change a heart and perspective. Life lessons are learned all day, in all ways

Keep hell out of this. God’s got worse people to deal with than those trying to grapple with gratitude and perspective.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 01:58     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:OP, my sympathies to you and your DS. My DS is also a freshman in a midwest college that also has a $92K+ COA. Like your DS, he came home for thanksgiving and we had similar discussions. I don't see it at all as your DS being bratty or ungrateful. He is simply sharing his bewilderment (and yes, some resentment, but that is not directed at you) on the realities of financial inequalities and how that is addressed in College America, i.e. the doughnut hole families ended up worse financially. I totally get how he feels since we are in the same position and felt similar financial squeeze. This is not about regretting the college choice he made. You made it clear DC is in the school that he judged to be the best fit earlier this year, including the financial aspects of it. That hasn't changed and really should continue to be the primary motivation for your DC to stay at this school. The financial aspect of 'being short' $20K/year also hasn't changed from when he made the decision to attend this college. The only thing that changed is additional perspective post matriculation that exposes the financial aid inequalities in College America. It is natural and understandable for DC (and his parents) to feel a bit burned knowing that other families in different financial situation didn't get squeezed as much as they did. However, this too shall pass, and one day your DC will be a proud graduate of the college of his choice, embarking on a career of his dreams. All the best to your family.


You are not a donut hole if you can afford that.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 01:35     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:OP, my sympathies to you and your DS. My DS is also a freshman in a midwest college that also has a $92K+ COA. Like your DS, he came home for thanksgiving and we had similar discussions. I don't see it at all as your DS being bratty or ungrateful. He is simply sharing his bewilderment (and yes, some resentment, but that is not directed at you) on the realities of financial inequalities and how that is addressed in College America, i.e. the doughnut hole families ended up worse financially. I totally get how he feels since we are in the same position and felt similar financial squeeze. This is not about regretting the college choice he made. You made it clear DC is in the school that he judged to be the best fit earlier this year, including the financial aspects of it. That hasn't changed and really should continue to be the primary motivation for your DC to stay at this school. The financial aspect of 'being short' $20K/year also hasn't changed from when he made the decision to attend this college. The only thing that changed is additional perspective post matriculation that exposes the financial aid inequalities in College America. It is natural and understandable for DC (and his parents) to feel a bit burned knowing that other families in different financial situation didn't get squeezed as much as they did. However, this too shall pass, and one day your DC will be a proud graduate of the college of his choice, embarking on a career of his dreams. All the best to your family.


There's no guarantee he will be graduating into a strong economy three and a half years from now with a well-paying job. To be hamstrung with 80k in loans will definitely be a burden.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 01:14     Subject: DS upset about loans
OP, my sympathies to you and your DS. My DS is also a freshman in a midwest college that also has a $92K+ COA. Like your DS, he came home for thanksgiving and we had similar discussions. I don't see it at all as your DS being bratty or ungrateful. He is simply sharing his bewilderment (and yes, some resentment, but that is not directed at you) on the realities of financial inequalities and how that is addressed in College America, i.e. the doughnut hole families ended up worse financially. I totally get how he feels since we are in the same position and felt similar financial squeeze. This is not about regretting the college choice he made. You made it clear DC is in the school that he judged to be the best fit earlier this year, including the financial aspects of it. That hasn't changed and really should continue to be the primary motivation for your DC to stay at this school. The financial aspect of 'being short' $20K/year also hasn't changed from when he made the decision to attend this college. The only thing that changed is additional perspective post matriculation that exposes the financial aid inequalities in College America. It is natural and understandable for DC (and his parents) to feel a bit burned knowing that other families in different financial situation didn't get squeezed as much as they did. However, this too shall pass, and one day your DC will be a proud graduate of the college of his choice, embarking on a career of his dreams. All the best to your family.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:34     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:His complaints are ridiculous. He should be paying the whole thing himself. You raised a spoiled, entitled brat.


HE IS. By working to reimburse his parents, who were foolish enough to take out a bloody loan for a too-expensive college.

Again, for the morons in the back. It's not the student who can take out loans. It's the parents.

This is OP's fault entirely from start to finish. SHE signed the loan document.



Where does it say he's paying the whole amount back to his parents?


OP said loans were taken out and that they're only paying 70K out of 90K. He's upset about needing to work. Can you put two and two together???



PP said the son is paying the whole thing, which would be $90k+ per year. He's not paying anywhere close to that. Spoiled and ridiculous.


How stupid are you? There is no way a freshman in college can earn 90K a year, even without a full course-load. It's amazing they can work to earn the difference, which is 20K! And they have every right to complain if OP and spouse blithely signed the Parent Plus loan and forced their kid into this college, telling him he could just work off the 20K every year. The kid didn't realize it would be this hard, and that's not his fault. He's allowed to complain.

I would never do this to my kids. We're fortunate that we can pay for all their education, but if we had to borrow, I wouldn't make them study AND work at the same time. They can pay me back after they graduate and have a full time job. If their work is so stressful that their grades dip in college, then they're less likely to get that full time job once they graduate anyway, so I would just be looking out for everyone's finances in that scenario...



No one said anything about earning 90k/ year, or 20k/ year. His loans are for around that amount. He is lucky his parents are paying what they are. But many people do earn 20k/ year, and much more, while going to school full time- just not spoiled, entitled people like OP's son.


You're not credible. Most 18, 19 year old freshmen at 90 a year institutions do not earn that much. I'm sure it happens, but it's rare.

My kid makes that in a summer. You just need a good major.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:33     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?


Yes. My advice is stop wasting this money and saddling him with debt. Have him transfer to a more affordable state school.

Another reminder here that this kid doesn’t need to go to a state school. He can keep going private- he just needs to make it less than 72k, that’s pretty damn easy.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:32     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obvious troll post. Can't believe everyone responded.


If it is a troll post, what's the intention? Laugh at poor people?


I think it's to smear the "roommate on financial aid buying Starbucks" and also to get people into a fight about taking on debt and brattiness. The tell is that kids CAN'T take out $20k/year in loans anymore. Nobody will loan that to them. The parents can take out HELOC loans if they really want (bad idea) but there's no real scenario where the kid agreed to take $20k/year in loans while the parents pay $70k.


I see. But why do people do this—whether it’s those pretending to be poor or trolls spreading fake “poor” stories on social media? Sigh.

Poor students work hard. DD’s roommate grew up destitute, but has a full ride scholarship, has been working since 14 (some savings), works multiple on campus jobs, finds a way to send money back home and do research during the year with a full STEM course load. The kid was homeless 2 years ago, and now goes out to eat with my son without a moments thought.

For some people, college is the “cool off” where you have a lot of freetime and fun compared to high schools. Others just grind more now that they’re living on campus and classes are shorter.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:28     Subject: DS upset about loans
If you can afford 70k/year, you can afford 90k/year. It's okay for your business class flights to matter more to you than your child's future; just stop pretending otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:09     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obvious troll post. Can't believe everyone responded.


If it is a troll post, what's the intention? Laugh at poor people?


I think it's to smear the "roommate on financial aid buying Starbucks" and also to get people into a fight about taking on debt and brattiness. The tell is that kids CAN'T take out $20k/year in loans anymore. Nobody will loan that to them. The parents can take out HELOC loans if they really want (bad idea) but there's no real scenario where the kid agreed to take $20k/year in loans while the parents pay $70k.


I see. But why do people do this—whether it’s those pretending to be poor or trolls spreading fake “poor” stories on social media? Sigh.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:08     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.


No, don’t do this. The poor aren’t there to be a life lesson. And shame on you for thinking this way.

Enjoy Hell. Because that is where you are going when you die.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:06     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?


Yes. My advice is stop wasting this money and saddling him with debt. Have him transfer to a more affordable state school.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2025 00:04     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:His complaints are ridiculous. He should be paying the whole thing himself. You raised a spoiled, entitled brat.


HE IS. By working to reimburse his parents, who were foolish enough to take out a bloody loan for a too-expensive college.

Again, for the morons in the back. It's not the student who can take out loans. It's the parents.

This is OP's fault entirely from start to finish. SHE signed the loan document.



Where does it say he's paying the whole amount back to his parents?


OP said loans were taken out and that they're only paying 70K out of 90K. He's upset about needing to work. Can you put two and two together???



PP said the son is paying the whole thing, which would be $90k+ per year. He's not paying anywhere close to that. Spoiled and ridiculous.


How stupid are you? There is no way a freshman in college can earn 90K a year, even without a full course-load. It's amazing they can work to earn the difference, which is 20K! And they have every right to complain if OP and spouse blithely signed the Parent Plus loan and forced their kid into this college, telling him he could just work off the 20K every year. The kid didn't realize it would be this hard, and that's not his fault. He's allowed to complain.

I would never do this to my kids. We're fortunate that we can pay for all their education, but if we had to borrow, I wouldn't make them study AND work at the same time. They can pay me back after they graduate and have a full time job. If their work is so stressful that their grades dip in college, then they're less likely to get that full time job once they graduate anyway, so I would just be looking out for everyone's finances in that scenario...



No one said anything about earning 90k/ year, or 20k/ year. His loans are for around that amount. He is lucky his parents are paying what they are. But many people do earn 20k/ year, and much more, while going to school full time- just not spoiled, entitled people like OP's son.


You're not credible. Most 18, 19 year old freshmen at 90 a year institutions do not earn that much. I'm sure it happens, but it's rare.