Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with a woman taking on a traditional role and being a housewife who makes babies. My wife is a SAHM. We’re fortunate that I make enough money to support us without her needing to work making someone else rich and instead spends time with our children.

But your wife is totally dependent on you. If you want a divorce, she will have to find a job. It would be harder if she never worked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I did go to university and had a career, but we did have a nanny and as our kids became teens, my husband started traveling for work more so I stayed home.

I guess I titled this wrong, I don’t dislike her, just the future plan and how she isn’t as into a career as my son is. I also think he’s too young right now for marriage. As a girlfriend, my son has no complaints about her though. And as a person, she is decent

Not your life. Not your decision. Your children are not extensions of you. You want the best for him, but interrogate if you think the best for him means some version of young you. If so, your reaction may be as much about you feeling like he’s rejecting your values and his upbringing as it is about whatever else is making you uncomfortable.

I generally think most people benefit from marrying in their late 20s or early 30s for maturity and financial reasons. That said, if he gets married early and gets divorced he will be ok. You can’t protect him from everything! He is who he is!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

What's the problem, that she doesn't want to wage slave?
Just be sure he gets an air tight pre-nup in his favor and it will all be good.

Pre-nup for a CS major? Won't need one unless DS is planning on starting a company.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with a woman taking on a traditional role and being a housewife who makes babies. My wife is a SAHM. We’re fortunate that I make enough money to support us without her needing to work making someone else rich and instead spends time with our children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either you were a SAHM or your 5 kids were raised by daycare/nannies. Sounds like your son either wants a SAHM too or wants his kids raised differently. How is she as a person? How does she treat your son?

This. That’s all that matters. They might be about that tradwife life. If they are both on board, and she is a good person who treats him well - then mazel tov!

^ This is a valid point. For all OP knows, this may be exactly what her son wants - a wife who doesn't have any interest in working and who essentially waits for his return from the office every day. Add in some kids and they may see that as the perfect marriage.

In any case, OP, you don't have any control over this. None. If your son approaches you and asks your opinion be honest with him. But otherwise it's not your decision to make or try and influence.

FWIW I have a relative with a university degree and a high-paying professional career who married someone who didn't even have a GED, worked in retail and lived in the spare room of a relative. They married within a year of meeting and began having kids right away (now working on #5) and claim to be blissfully happy. So be it. To each their own. (FWIW, the person with the career is the woman and the man worked retail.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

You seem really judgmental and kinda sexist against women, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Staying in mom's basement at 24 with no job sounds like a loser or someone with mental health issues. In either case I would not want my DD with a career and bright future to be saddled with dead beat BF. (I know I reversed genders to make it more relatable)

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she has no job is a huge red flag. If she was living with her parents to save money while working, that would be fine. But the lack of a job is not okay. I would aboslutely talk to my son about the red flags if he can't seem to see them.