You might check out AlAnon for yourself.

He is still young enough to join the military.

Age and time is a reality for only women. In the early 30s much less mid to late 30s she must have children or will never have children. Your son has time, she does not. Prioritizing family over a man that may never be ready isn't abusive. It's being clear about your priorities. Also assuming that your son agreed to have children, so at that point he was also breaking his wedding vows.

Wow op you come on here asking for advice but you don't need any because you're actively enabling your son. I suspect addiction issues in your family.

He was not "abused" because his soon to be ex wife wants children get a grip. You keep making excuses for him to me your looking for validation as to why you have a 37 yeah old man still living at home. You don't want advice because if you did you would take it. He needs to go get his own apartment and get a job anywhere he can get it. At 37 he can't live at home with you hes a big boy now. Let go.

So your son can’t hold a job, can’t keep a job, has a failed marriage, has no financial stability, drinks alcohol more than he should, lives at home with mother and yet OP thinks he is a good boy? He is an adult that has failed to launch.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. His wife wanted children and my son was not ready as he doesn’t have his career figured out. She’d be sad and they’d get into arguments every weekend when he’d call me to complain and vent.

To answer your earlier question, he was employed at two companies doing risk consulting and he did not enjoy it; long hours and little pay. He burned out and quit.

Wanting a baby and being sad and having arguments is not abusive necessarily. You need to open your eyes, stop blaming her and see that your son is where he is due to his own choices.

He sounds like he's not going to be able to support a baby, or even himself, so it's best that they divorced.

Good luck getting him out of your house. You can’t make him leave at this point. You’ll need to start the legal eviction process and let him know the clock is ticking.

This is OP. His wife wanted children and my son was not ready as he doesn’t have his career figured out. She’d be sad and they’d get into arguments every weekend when he’d call me to complain and vent.

To answer your earlier question, he was employed at two companies doing risk consulting and he did not enjoy it; long hours and little pay. He burned out and quit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he really get a choice of what pays enough is he is living in your basement at 37. Cut the apron strings. I can see why his wife dumped him.

Because she was abusive and didn’t support his dreams?

What dream was that, exactly? It appears he also wasn't supporting her dreams of being able to afford to have a baby.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

ffs.. low pay is better than no pay, and as a pp noted, success begets success.

You are absolutely enabling him.

And his wife wasn't abusive for wanting to start a family and him not being able to do that because he refuses to "lower" himself to work for lower pay at a non profit.

I'm sorry, but you need to do some tough love on him and tell him that low pay is better than no pay. Neither of you seem to have heard the adage: it takes a job to get a job.

Agree with a PP, he needs to spend most of his waking hours on linked in, maybe go to mixers or whatever.

If I were his ex wife I'd be pissed, too. He doesn't sound like a go getter but someone who expects a high paying job to fall in his lap. At this point, he wouldn't make a good role model as a father. He needs to learn to hustle. It's too bad you didn't teach him that when he was younger, but you can only try to teach that to him now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he really get a choice of what pays enough is he is living in your basement at 37. Cut the apron strings. I can see why his wife dumped him.

Because she was abusive and didn’t support his dreams?

Wanting a baby is not abusive.
Wanting him to earn enough to support himself (not her, just himself!) is not abusive.
Divorcing him is not abusive.

Does he have an inheritance coming? He could possibly live off of dividends forever in someone's basement. Did you save money for him knowing that he is not the type to get just any job after his GT degree.
We are hiring 37-year olds without any experience and GT education in our restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:Does he really get a choice of what pays enough is he is living in your basement at 37. Cut the apron strings. I can see why his wife dumped him.

Because she was abusive and didn’t support his dreams?

Does he have any adult male relatives (like a dad or uncle) that can encourage him(kick his ass) to take responsibility and grow up? Running back home to mommy is pathetic at that age. Especially failing his wife. He needs to grow up. Do not coddle him

Lmfao team ex wife!! Glad she got out.
Op most people do not get to work a fulfilling job in a career path “perfect for them”. You and your son need to come join us all in reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs medication and therapy

+1

Part of the deal to live with us/have us help with rent elsewhere would be he must see a doctor and get the therapy (and possibly meds) needed to get back on track. I'd also pay for a career coach/EF coach to add to the help

If he didn't agree to that (and follow thru---I'd help) then I would have to let him hit rock bottom.
You don’t want to let him do that-rock bottom is 6 feet under.

Thankfully I don't have to worry about that in real life.

However, yes it would be hard. But continuing to enable someone who refuses to help themselves isn't he solution. Some have to hit rock bottom before they are willing to help themselves.