Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throughout your life as a parent, you made choices about your spending that didn't include planning to have the money for the level of higher education you want your child to have. I'm sure you could have found a less expensive house, taken less expensive vacations, bought food at cheaper grocery stores, spent less on activities and the like. But you didn't.

And now that you are faced with the decision as to how to spend the money you have, which does include enough to pay for the level of education you want to give your child, you do not want to give that level of education to your child.

The only person you should be disappointed in is yourself. You could have but chose not to.

dp.. chill out. College costs have skyrocketed in the past 10 years, even publics.

So for more than half of her child's life, she knew the costs were ridiculous and still didn't plan? Look, I don't fault her for her decisions. I just have no sympathy for people who make choices and regret the known outcomes.

Anonymous wrote:Throughout your life as a parent, you made choices about your spending that didn't include planning to have the money for the level of higher education you want your child to have. I'm sure you could have found a less expensive house, taken less expensive vacations, bought food at cheaper grocery stores, spent less on activities and the like. But you didn't.

And now that you are faced with the decision as to how to spend the money you have, which does include enough to pay for the level of education you want to give your child, you do not want to give that level of education to your child.

The only person you should be disappointed in is yourself. You could have but chose not to.

dp.. chill out. College costs have skyrocketed in the past 10 years, even publics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

How did you spend your money OP? We didn't go on fancy international vacations. We watched others do this with some envy but guess what, now they can't afford out of state private colleges and we can.

It definately is a choice. And anyone taking fancy international vacations certainly could have cut back a bit and saved. If you save early, it doesn't take that much ($100K total can easily turn into 400K by time kid is in junior/senior year)

please stop making it sound like paying exorbitant tuition is a normal thing to do. There is absolutely no advantage of going to a t20 over t60 if your kid is smart and hardworking.

Just pointing out that people do plan and save, even in the "donut Hole".
It's a choice.

I agree, if that it's 99% what you do while you are there and 1% where you attend. SO find a school YOU can AFFORD, that is best for your kid and apply.

But also, if someone has been making $250K+ for at least 5+ years, they could have opted to save more. It's their choice. But they likely went from $150-250K over several years, and each time you get an increase, you can choose to save it and not "let lifestyle creep happen". Most people are not disciplined enough to do that. But if you want your kid to have the option of attending Harvard/T25/$90K schools, that is what you have to do.
Not saying it's the smart choice.

My own kid (engineering major) got $42K/year at CWRU (T50 school). Had we not been easily able to pay full pay, they would be at CWRU. However, they chose a similar school (slightly higher ranked, but very similar) at full pay. But my kid knows (as their college counselor kept pointing out until I told them to stop with the money aspect) that 99% of kids would be choosing CWRU for the incredible merit offer. The differences between the schools was not much--more of a fit issue, but my kid would have found their place at CWRU if they attended.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

We make seven figures and DD applied binding to UVA, which is ranked well above the school DH and I went to, and we are obviously doing fine. Your DD will be just fine too. Don’t believe the naysayers on this site.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

How did you spend your money OP? We didn't go on fancy international vacations. We watched others do this with some envy but guess what, now they can't afford out of state private colleges and we can.

Hey, Smuggie McSmuggikins, a lot of us donut hole families are here not because we didn’t save on our huuuuge salaries, but because those salaries are very recent. If I’ve had anywhere near my current salary for 18 years, it wouldn’t be an issue. But we were a low earners (sub 100k combined) for so many years now our retirement accounts will be strictly cat-food level if we don’t save most of what we’re making now. It is what it is, but I completely understand OP’s sadness and frustration.

She’s not wrong though. We all make decisions. We have a hhi of $350k so we won’t get aid. Kids played travel sports, live less than 30 min from the capitol, and kids went to catholic school. Due to to high school raising tuition every year we cashed in the 529s we had been squirreling away. Have significant 401k and significant home equity. Couldve lived in poolesville and sent our kids to public school as not let them play travel sports. But that wouldn’t have been worth it. If for some bizarre our dems gets into her reach, We’ll take out loans, sell the house and pay them off, and downsize. It’s feels very entitled to complain about Duke not charging you what you want them too. There are crazy amounts of universities and colleges in this country. End rant.

You get it! It's all about choices. You chose to spend more during K-12 and with travel sports. You liked the life you had and made the choice to do it. Now you have to choose how to afford college. With $350K and private catholic schools and travel sports gone, you can likely pay for $90K with some parental loans and then pay them off in 4-5 years post college for your kids.

or you search best merit and attend target or safety

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

How did you spend your money OP? We didn't go on fancy international vacations. We watched others do this with some envy but guess what, now they can't afford out of state private colleges and we can.

It definately is a choice. And anyone taking fancy international vacations certainly could have cut back a bit and saved. If you save early, it doesn't take that much ($100K total can easily turn into 400K by time kid is in junior/senior year)

please stop making it sound like paying exorbitant tuition is a normal thing to do. There is absolutely no advantage of going to a t20 over t60 if your kid is smart and hardworking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

How did you spend your money OP? We didn't go on fancy international vacations. We watched others do this with some envy but guess what, now they can't afford out of state private colleges and we can.

Hey, Smuggie McSmuggikins, a lot of us donut hole families are here not because we didn’t save on our huuuuge salaries, but because those salaries are very recent. If I’ve had anywhere near my current salary for 18 years, it wouldn’t be an issue. But we were a low earners (sub 100k combined) for so many years now our retirement accounts will be strictly cat-food level if we don’t save most of what we’re making now. It is what it is, but I completely understand OP’s sadness and frustration.

So then you smartly continue to save for retirement (now that you can save more) and search for merit/attend in state schools. Just like you shouldn't spend $80K on a vehicle now, you shouldn't waste $$ on college if you don't readily have it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel any better, many MC/UMC families are in the exact same situation. Public flagships are filled with upper middle class kids who can’t afford $90k a year Private schools.

She will get a good education and have a blast! Emphasize the positives.

+1 my UMC super high stats kid is at the state flagship. DC has had some wonderful internships and is having a blast. They also got merit aid, and the school took most of DC's AP/IB scores. We saved so much money.

DC will have money leftover from their college fund.

Yep. The $90k private schools are filled with wealthy and low-income students, and the social divide between them is stark (see other DCUM thread).

Flagships are great because of the enormous range of students, especially a huge concentration of middle class and UMC students.

No, they are filled with rich kids, lower income kids and UMC kids whose parents chose to make saving for college a priority. Most in the T25 meet full need and at many that means kids from families making $175-200K are getting 20-30K/year. If you were making $200K, you had the choice to save enough for 30-40K/year easily and possibly more. Not saying it's the best choice of money---I'd personally do in-state and/or chase merit at state and private schools and find the best value. But it's a choice you likely could have made to have $200-250K in a 529

Throughout your life as a parent, you made choices about your spending that didn't include planning to have the money for the level of higher education you want your child to have. I'm sure you could have found a less expensive house, taken less expensive vacations, bought food at cheaper grocery stores, spent less on activities and the like. But you didn't.

And now that you are faced with the decision as to how to spend the money you have, which does include enough to pay for the level of education you want to give your child, you do not want to give that level of education to your child.

The only person you should be disappointed in is yourself. You could have but chose not to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

How did you spend your money OP? We didn't go on fancy international vacations. We watched others do this with some envy but guess what, now they can't afford out of state private colleges and we can.

It definately is a choice. And anyone taking fancy international vacations certainly could have cut back a bit and saved. If you save early, it doesn't take that much ($100K total can easily turn into 400K by time kid is in junior/senior year)

Anonymous wrote:I went to an Ivy and 7 years after graduation I was working at a desk next to someone at a desk doing the same job I was doing after she went to State college.
We both are doing fine.

You forgot to mention, you were getting paid the same as that person
And your manager likely went to the same state U

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

You dont know that. Try. You will regret not having.

Yes you do. Look it up here, and don’t pursue pipe dreams of schools offering 2% of kids merit:
https://www.collegetransitions.com/dataverse/merit-aid/

+1

It's your job as a parent to help set realistic expectations, so come April your kid has realistic choices that they like

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

You dont know that. Try. You will regret not having.

Umm..nope, you do know with 99%+ accuracy. Most T20 schools give no or very little merit. So 10-15 merit awards for a freshman class of 1500-1800 kids is IMO NONE, because when the admission rate is 5% already, even if you manage to gain admissions, the odds of gettin that merit is slim to none.

So sure, let them apply but do so with them assuming there is a very very very small chance they can attend, even if they get admitted. So put your efforts into finding the right college that you can afford that is a top choice for your kid. Your efforts will be much more useful that way, and your kid will be way happier come April. I cannot imagine getting admission to my top choice or two and then being told "nope, we cannot afford this you cannot attend"

I get it, OP. Being in the donut hole does suck. I will encourage you to look at lower ranked schools (and I'm talking schools ranked around the 50s) that offer merit aid. Once there, those schools can be just as good as the Ivy's! No matter where she goes, she just needs to take advantage of all the opportunities available to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

Have your kid apply and get in and then see. Top 20 schools have so much money to give out. My kids went to top 20 schools, and they were much cheaper than our in-state option with all the money they received.

Sure have them apply. But PLEASE set the financial expectations for your kid before choosing where to apply. Make sure they have several Targets and safeties that will actually be in budget for your family. Make sure the kid knows that even if they get into a REACH (T20), if they don't get FA/merit, you can only pay $X K per year, so they cannot attend if it's more. But seriously run the NPC and if it says "you need to pay $90K+" and not eligible for FA, then make sure your kid knows it's a pipe dream. Because why even apply if you know 100% you cannot afford it?!?!