Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s first essay was about her summer camp. It was funny, engaging, and superbly written. Her college counselor liked it a lot and had no real feedback.

So I had to be the harsh critic. I told her that while the essay was good, it didn’t reveal much about her. And it was hard to pin down the main point/theme. Given that AOs spend less than 5 mins on the personal essay, the main point should be very clear.

To her credit, DD listened, scrapped the essay, and started from scratch with another one. The second essay was equally well written, but it was also cohesive.

She got in ED to her dream (top 10) school.

That’s great writing practice, but the fact is you have no idea if she would’ve gotten in with the first essay, too.

Anonymous wrote:She is going to be mad and cry.

But it's really really bad. Her grades/SATs/rigor are tippity top. Her essay is terrible and doesn't say that much about her.

Do we just rip the bandaid and tell her? Any tips on phrasing or what to say?

Just do it. We had to have the same conversation and it meant she had to start over completely and it was SO MUCH better.

My daughter’s first essay was about her summer camp. It was funny, engaging, and superbly written. Her college counselor liked it a lot and had no real feedback.

So I had to be the harsh critic. I told her that while the essay was good, it didn’t reveal much about her. And it was hard to pin down the main point/theme. Given that AOs spend less than 5 mins on the personal essay, the main point should be very clear.

To her credit, DD listened, scrapped the essay, and started from scratch with another one. The second essay was equally well written, but it was also cohesive.

She got in ED to her dream (top 10) school.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the antipathy toward essays. For highly selective universities, essays are a huge opportunity to distinguish oneself from all the other high stats applicants. And these admission officers are reading thousands of essays and can easily distinguish an AI enhanced essay from something authentic.

It won't last much longer, but right now the essay remains a place for high performing students to shine if applying to T20 schools. The topic doesn't really matter. But the voice does. Take advantage of it while you can before AI ruins everything. Writing well has always been a sign of intelligence. And selective universities really, really like a clever, authentic essay from a real human being.

I just don’t think this is really true. Long before AI it was well known that mom, dad, or a paid consultant could have written the essay.

I don't get the antipathy toward essays. For highly selective universities, essays are a huge opportunity to distinguish oneself from all the other high stats applicants. And these admission officers are reading thousands of essays and can easily distinguish an AI enhanced essay from something authentic.

It won't last much longer, but right now the essay remains a place for high performing students to shine if applying to T20 schools. The topic doesn't really matter. But the voice does. Take advantage of it while you can before AI ruins everything. Writing well has always been a sign of intelligence. And selective universities really, really like a clever, authentic essay from a real human being.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us the topic.

OP here. I won't get specific, but she mentions a popular childhood book series she enjoyed. And she relates it back to her own life in a cheesy way. I can't think of a way to make it less cheesy, and I also don't think it relates to her life in a in a helpful or interesting way.

The actual writing/grammar is fine. The college counselor and teacher had her add more personal details, but I think the topic is just really cringey.

Okay, on this one I can help, my kid did a short answer essay that keyed off a favorite childhood book. His high school counselor said, "sweet, but trite," very common and they aren't looking to admit 4 year old you. She went on to list other topics/themes that have the same problems- 1) high school athletics interrupted by injury and 2) my grandma/grandpa is my hero (they also aren't looking to admit your grandpa). I wouldn't have thought of it that way but it made sense, they are trying to understand/compare 17 year old to see how they might grow and contribute in a field of other 17/18 YO's so topics highlight childhood or other people rather than current/future person are starting off at a big disadvantage. Sorry your school counselor didn't help you out on this one

My (non athleic) kid wrote about a fairly minor sports injury that changed their life. It was a great essay, funny, with a twist that tied into their future major.

They got into nearly every school they applied to, including several top 10 schools.

Interesting. Sports Injury is on the top of most lists about what NOT to write about, along with death of a loved one, making or not making a team, etc.

I am a senior scholarship application reader at a high school. I literally have to force myself to grade sports injury essays fairly. By realizing how important they are to the writers. And evaluating the prose for grammar and flow. The topic is dull and reminds me of bad priorities. My kids have a number of athlete friends with overuse injuries who won't take it easy.

I posted earlier about my non athletic kid writing about a sports injury with a twist, who got into multiple top schools.

I think you would have actually enjoyed my kid's essay. It was hilarious, the injury was very unusual but very funny, and the essay connected the future major to the injury story in a way that had nothing to do with sports or injuries.

That being said, I think that admissions should give these sports kids a bit of grace.

Surely, the sports injury essays are a much easier read than the upper middle class affluent northern Virginia kid with two parents and their own car trying to find ways to write about how oppressed their life has been or inclusive they are. After the 750th essay trying to out angst everyone else, I would think a good Tommy John's surgery essay would be a breath of fresh air.

Anonymous wrote:She is going to be mad and cry.

But it's really really bad. Her grades/SATs/rigor are tippity top. Her essay is terrible and doesn't say that much about her.

Do we just rip the bandaid and tell her? Any tips on phrasing or what to say?

Show the essay to me and I will give an independent, experienced evaluation.

I was opposed to my kid's essay topic: it was about teaching a super-privileged sport (not quite polo, but close).

My point was, while he certainly shouldn't pretend to be poor or oppressed, he didn't need to lean so heavily into rich and privileged. His GC disagreed, bc the essay was about a paid summer job.

We'll never know if a different essay would have made a different anywhere, but DC ended up at a great place so all's well.

Try not to sweat the small stuff.

Anonymous wrote:OP - no advice but commiseration. My kid's essay topic sucks too, but she is extremely sensitive and wasn't looking for actual feedback - I'm pretty sure she was just trying to tell me indirectly that my parenting sucks and she felt lonely and ignored because her sibling got all the attention. Yup, seriously, that is my kid's essay in a nutshell. I would take "cheesy" in a heartbeat.

The “Jan Brady” essay. lol 😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m imagining the essay is “I thought I was a Ravenclaw but in HS I learned I’m actually a Hufflepuff.” Which could actually be a good essay.

I just spit out my lacroix.

Same. I literally lol’d. I would read that essay.

Made two people in dcum laugh today. Sadly probably my most significant achievement of the day.

Anonymous wrote:OP - no advice but commiseration. My kid's essay topic sucks too, but she is extremely sensitive and wasn't looking for actual feedback - I'm pretty sure she was just trying to tell me indirectly that my parenting sucks and she felt lonely and ignored because her sibling got all the attention. Yup, seriously, that is my kid's essay in a nutshell. I would take "cheesy" in a heartbeat.

My kid refused to tell me her topic but did say it wasn’t about me abusing or neglecting her so I breathed a sigh of relief and she got into her top school. Maybe someday she’ll tell me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m imagining the essay is “I thought I was a Ravenclaw but in HS I learned I’m actually a Hufflepuff.” Which could actually be a good essay.

I just spit out my lacroix.

Are you a Slytherin?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us the topic.

OP here. I won't get specific, but she mentions a popular childhood book series she enjoyed. And she relates it back to her own life in a cheesy way. I can't think of a way to make it less cheesy, and I also don't think it relates to her life in a in a helpful or interesting way.

The actual writing/grammar is fine. The college counselor and teacher had her add more personal details, but I think the topic is just really cringey.

Okay, on this one I can help, my kid did a short answer essay that keyed off a favorite childhood book. His high school counselor said, "sweet, but trite," very common and they aren't looking to admit 4 year old you. She went on to list other topics/themes that have the same problems- 1) high school athletics interrupted by injury and 2) my grandma/grandpa is my hero (they also aren't looking to admit your grandpa). I wouldn't have thought of it that way but it made sense, they are trying to understand/compare 17 year old to see how they might grow and contribute in a field of other 17/18 YO's so topics highlight childhood or other people rather than current/future person are starting off at a big disadvantage. Sorry your school counselor didn't help you out on this one

My (non athleic) kid wrote about a fairly minor sports injury that changed their life. It was a great essay, funny, with a twist that tied into their future major.

They got into nearly every school they applied to, including several top 10 schools.

Interesting. Sports Injury is on the top of most lists about what NOT to write about, along with death of a loved one, making or not making a team, etc.

I am a senior scholarship application reader at a high school. I literally have to force myself to grade sports injury essays fairly. By realizing how important they are to the writers. And evaluating the prose for grammar and flow. The topic is dull and reminds me of bad priorities. My kids have a number of athlete friends with overuse injuries who won't take it easy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m imagining the essay is “I thought I was a Ravenclaw but in HS I learned I’m actually a Hufflepuff.” Which could actually be a good essay.

I just spit out my lacroix.

Same. I literally lol’d. I would read that essay.

OP - no advice but commiseration. My kid's essay topic sucks too, but she is extremely sensitive and wasn't looking for actual feedback - I'm pretty sure she was just trying to tell me indirectly that my parenting sucks and she felt lonely and ignored because her sibling got all the attention. Yup, seriously, that is my kid's essay in a nutshell. I would take "cheesy" in a heartbeat.