Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a trip with my child and the dog (or wont give a s…t about soon to be ex not having a dog sitter in this sitting).

While on the trip you can’t be served. My exH was avoiding being served for several months until he found a good lawyer.

You should do the same. It is indeed a very aggressive tactic to file straight for divorce without any prior negotiations of settlement.

Your STBX is a nutcase and I think it will be a bitter divorce because that’s how he’s starting it

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Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

If you have documentation that the promotion is already done, make sure you keep it. He may have filed now so that you don't get alimony based on the promotion. Timing VERY coincidental, if not.

Unfortunately I can't access anything in his laptop or his employee portal- I only have the overheard conversations and what he told me as the offer was building and he was debating which role to accept. I do have written notes in our shared tax portal from a conversation with our tax guy that show anticipation of certain shorter-term compensation if the offer came through, but I know there is much more significant awards that would happen in years 2-5. I live in a tech-heavy area so the good news is that there are divorce attorneys that specialize in settlements that address this kind of deferred compensation that's common in tech.

Your lawyers can get this information from his employer. I doubt they'd be willing to lie for him.

OP and I think he thought this would be very straightforward and he would walk away with piles of “his” money. I’m not sure if he’s considered how our kid fits into this and is probably imagining coming home to them in our house every night without realizing that’s not what it will look like if the primary parent had been kicked out of that life.

Anonymous wrote:Why? Why would anyone avoid service? It’s simply legal notice that the clock has started ticking/ the end result will be a divorce.

Why play stupid games?

Anonymous wrote:Why? Why would anyone avoid service? It’s simply legal notice that the clock has started ticking/ the end result will be a divorce.

Why play stupid games?

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Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Take the dog with you on vacation or get local friends to dog sit.

Maybe we could find a large dog-friendly cabin or something? I should at least look even though I’m sure Labor Day week pickings will be slim. On the other hand, I’m afraid to be out of the house if DH has access to it.

I’m taking a box of sentimental things and documents to a friend’s today.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Take the dog with you on vacation or get local friends to dog sit.

Maybe we could find a large dog-friendly cabin or something? I should at least look even though I’m sure Labor Day week pickings will be slim. On the other hand, I’m afraid to be out of the house if DH has access to it.

I’m taking a box of sentimental things and documents to a friend’s today.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly you’re exhausting OP. He wants a divorce. He’s not a monster and you’re not a victim. You’re just two people getting a divorce. Drop the helplessness, find a dog sitter, get your hair done and put on your big girl pants. He doesn’t choose you anymore.‘I’m sorry because I know how much it hurts- but accept it and march on because this vilification of him and the whole “pearl clutching who DOES that routine won’t help you too divide your estate and move on.

OP. I know he’s allowed to want to be done.

But someone who serves papers and doesn’t sit down like an adult with the parent of his child and say “let’s talk together and determine a plan that will best work for our child who just changed cities, moved twice in one year, settled into their house 6 months ago, made new friends, made the team, and starts a brand new school next week” and instead serves papers the week before the first week of school and leaves town deserves something more than “divide your estate and move on”.

No, let’s spend the first 3 months of the school year in litigation, especially when one parent is the primary parent doing everything at home and the other will be on 80% travel and can take quiet calls with their attorney from a desk.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Wow- this is me 100%. He took everything- I had been out of the workforce for 12 years. With primary custody I recentered my career (sales) and was out earning him, - instead of being fateful to be off the hook for alimony or CS/ he chose to file for 50/50 the second he found out I was out earning him/ so that I’d have to pay him.

I worked my ASS off and thought it would help me. Nah. Sit back/ collect your check and f these pathetic leeches.

Wait, so you thought you could make more than him and not pay child support? And why should he have been grateful that a grown woman acted like a grown adult?

Men also work their ASS off and have to pay child support, why would the rules be different for a woman?

NP and also a woman.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly you’re exhausting OP. He wants a divorce. He’s not a monster and you’re not a victim. You’re just two people getting a divorce. Drop the helplessness, find a dog sitter, get your hair done and put on your big girl pants. He doesn’t choose you anymore.‘I’m sorry because I know how much it hurts- but accept it and march on because this vilification of him and the whole “pearl clutching who DOES that routine won’t help you too divide your estate and move on.

OP. I know he’s allowed to want to be done.

But someone who serves papers and doesn’t sit down like an adult with the parent of his child and say “let’s talk together and determine a plan that will best work for our child who just changed cities, moved twice in one year, settled into their house 6 months ago, made new friends, made the team, and starts a brand new school next week” and instead serves papers the week before the first week of school and leaves town deserves something more than “divide your estate and move on”.

No, let’s spend the first 3 months of the school year in litigation, especially when one parent is the primary parent doing everything at home and the other will be on 80% travel and can take quiet calls with their attorney from a desk.