Anonymous wrote:My 30-year-old son recently and abruptly moved back to town after several years living in Chicago with his girlfriend (no kids). For many years, he has had severe depressive mood swings that he won't treat. The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment. He's hyper sensitive and finds reasons to be upset/lash out, and I am generally the target (his dad is deceased, and he had a similar mood disorder when we were married).

I didn't enjoy his visits and was always glad when he left. Now that he's here, he's pressing to visit, but I am not interested in visiting unless he is receiving medical treatment. I know this may seem extreme, but with all the recent reports of kids harming their parents, I have concerns about his untreated anger.

I love him, but from a distance at this point. Can anyone relate to distancing themselves from an adult child? What was the outcome?

Why didn't you get him help and support when he was younger? This sounds like my sibling. She had issues as a child, but our parent was in denial/refused to get her help. As an adult she acts this way and also is an alcoholic. Thankfully, she doesn't have kids and her relationships all end due to her mental health/ alcoholism. Our mom is in denial, refuses to do anything and tells me it is my issue as I am her only sibling.

I don't live close, thank goodness (mom lives within an hour). I also have young kids. If my sibling had gotten help as a child or even a teen this wouldn't be an issue OR she would have a better support system in place.

Your son needs help. Don't meet him alone, meet in public, but help him! Offer support. I paid for my sister's therapy, then a very wealthy aunt covered the cost when she realized I was paying for my sibling's care.
My sister has a good job and owns a condo, but the therapy she needs is out-of-network, so very expensive. She wouldn't or couldn't pay for it, so I started doing it and last I knew my wealthy aunt covers the costs.

I had to set a boundary because even though she was getting help she kept drinking and would call and text me at all hours (when drunk) and saw very cruel things. Last I heard she has been sober 6 months and is doing a lot better. I put up that boundary when I knew she had a good therapists and had support. But she also isn't my child and I knew she had a support system. Sounds like your son doesn't have either.

Anonymous wrote:My 30-year-old son recently and abruptly moved back to town after several years living in Chicago with his girlfriend (no kids). For many years, he has had severe depressive mood swings that he won't treat. The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment. He's hyper sensitive and finds reasons to be upset/lash out, and I am generally the target (his dad is deceased, and he had a similar mood disorder when we were married).

I didn't enjoy his visits and was always glad when he left. Now that he's here, he's pressing to visit, but I am not interested in visiting unless he is receiving medical treatment. I know this may seem extreme, but with all the recent reports of kids harming their parents, I have concerns about his untreated anger.

I love him, but from a distance at this point. Can anyone relate to distancing themselves from an adult child? What was the outcome?

Can you just tell him his anger outbursts scare you and make you feel not safe? Agree to phone calls/texts and maybe lunch?
I have to assume these patterns were apparent when he was underage, were any steps taken then to address his mental health? If so, did he stop when he became an adult? Can you broach whether he would reconsider it? (What happened with the gf?) If nothing was done when he was young, why? Did his dad have something to do with that? You don't say whether you and his dad divorced, which would help to know.

I think it depends on a lot of things. I have an adult son with terrible anger issues, but although he exhibits them in front of me, they are never directed AT me and I never feel physically unsafe, just distressed. (He did have MH treatment when he was young and had some neuropsych testing a few months ago which led to some referrals he is apparently considering).

Where is your son’s father?
Have him join you - in public.

Anonymous wrote:Its sad how most adult children blame parents for their issues. Parents are also living this life for first time and learning things as they go but since they care and tolerate bad behavior, they are easy targets for adult children's anger towards life.

So So sad. Almost becomes elder abuse

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF people. I would never turn my back on family. Never.

Yeah, you just might if your family became your big bully. A lot of people scapegoat others due to their own insecurities. And it is brutal.

No, I’m just loyal and emotionally stable. If op was emotionally stable she’d be able to deal with her own son.

That's not how it works, dear.