Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5k per month? More like $40 per hour. Differential for overtime, holidays and Sundays. More like $5000 per week.

I think if the family is willing to do some care then this is the only way to make it affordable. move mom into the basement and hire elder care for 40 hrs/week. The rest you do yourself. In some families they rotate the elderly parent between houses.

I am the very first PP.
Since the lady is bedridden there’s changing and feeding every few hrs; there’s repositioning a few times a day and bathing/change of bedsheets every week I think. The caregiver can leave for a few hrs at a time. No need for anyone to sit with the patient 24/7 since she can’t elope.

Can we please stop using the word elope? To elope means to run away to get married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5k per month? More like $40 per hour. Differential for overtime, holidays and Sundays. More like $5000 per week.

I think if the family is willing to do some care then this is the only way to make it affordable. move mom into the basement and hire elder care for 40 hrs/week. The rest you do yourself. In some families they rotate the elderly parent between houses.

I am the very first PP.
Since the lady is bedridden there’s changing and feeding every few hrs; there’s repositioning a few times a day and bathing/change of bedsheets every week I think. The caregiver can leave for a few hrs at a time. No need for anyone to sit with the patient 24/7 since she can’t elope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are missing the fact that if there was a legal way to euthanize seniors, you'd have POS kids trying to off their parents prematurely so they can get their inheritance.

Honestly there boomers are planning to drain every cent

Exactly, I don’t have a horse in this race as my parent is poor as a church mouse but I can’t believe how much money is wasted on elder care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

$5k per month? More like $40 per hour. Differential for overtime, holidays and Sundays. More like $5000 per week.

I think if the family is willing to do some care then this is the only way to make it affordable. move mom into the basement and hire elder care for 40 hrs/week. The rest you do yourself. In some families they rotate the elderly parent between houses.

I am the very first PP.
Since the lady is bedridden there’s changing and feeding every few hrs; there’s repositioning a few times a day and bathing/change of bedsheets every week I think. The caregiver can leave for a few hrs at a time. No need for anyone to sit with the patient 24/7 since she can’t elope.

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

Anonymous wrote:Cost of an in home caregiver is $30-$35 an hour. A year of that is $262,800 at the low end. On top of finding a residence suitable for their needs (one level, handicap accessible). Even if you could accomplish pulling an 8 hour shift of that a day, all day every day, (which would be incredibly challenging if working full time) it only reduces that to $175,200 a year.

So even at $14k a month it’s still cheaper.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

This is the OP and this is exactly what would happen if she fell. They’d keep her at the facility and make her comfortable with drugs. This last fall that’s what they did and she was out for 20 hours. I asked them to back down on the opiates for now, and she doesn’t seem to have seriously injured herself. She’s definitely dying, she’s just deteriorated so much in the last six weeks. Finding a balance between anxiety drugs, painkillers and nothing is going to be challenging.

I do have a suspicion that if I asked them to UP the opiates they would. Until the end. But I could be wrong.

Having gone through this recently, since your mom is already in hospice I’d stop all prescriptions and really up the anti-anxiety drugs and opiates. It’s so clear when these patient ts are agitated; you can even see it when they’re sleeping. The high level of drugs can make her more comfortable and calm and hopefully hasten things. And at the very end, if she lives in Maryland, I’d recommend she pass away at Casey House, which was a lovely way for my mom to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

This is the OP and this is exactly what would happen if she fell. They’d keep her at the facility and make her comfortable with drugs. This last fall that’s what they did and she was out for 20 hours. I asked them to back down on the opiates for now, and she doesn’t seem to have seriously injured herself. She’s definitely dying, she’s just deteriorated so much in the last six weeks. Finding a balance between anxiety drugs, painkillers and nothing is going to be challenging.

I do have a suspicion that if I asked them to UP the opiates they would. Until the end. But I could be wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.

I’m sorry you are all going through this. No good choices here . I suspect I will be facing similar situations in the not too distant future and I know I would wrestle with what to do. My mom would not want me spending all the money but she would also want to pass peacefully as possible .

Just curious: What would happen if she fell and remained on hospice in her facility, with meds to keep pain at bay? Is there any real difference that going to hospital but not attempting curative treatment?

OP with an update- add in $36/ hour (weekdays) and $38/ hour (weekends) to the cost. Hospice has been started and she’s had five falls in six weeks. She is no longer safe without a one-on-one round the clock caregiver.

Choices are let her fall to the point of needing hospitalization (which she will never recover from, fast track to the end) or try to keep her as safe as possible in her comfortable memory care home so her end will come somewhere she feels safe, without needles and beeping and interruptions. Someone upthread pointed out that this is exactly what my parents saved for- so they didn’t have to be a financial burden on us but had the means to afford care in their old age. I’d rather pay an extra $10k/$20k/$30k or more to keep my mom as comfortable as possible during this time. I’m not necessarily trying to prolong her life- her quality of life is horrific at this point- but the hospital setting has always been so traumatic and scary for her.

The good news is my brother moved up his planned September trip to next week and we’re trying to get the adult grandchildren who are scattered around the country to come back next week for a few days to visit.

Thanks for letting me have a place to vent and to throw things out into the universe. This situation is just the worst.