Anonymous wrote:I never cooked a thing until I went to college and I turned out fine as did my family.

Pretty much the same for me except I could boil pasta and heat up jarred sauce. Or make a sandwich, toast a bagel, etc

My teens won’t starve if we don’t feed them dinner, but they each much better if we do, and I am okay with that. I want the time with them anyway.

Haven't you people heard of eating as a family?

This may be cultural but I truly believe it’s my job to provide dinner for the teens every single day. Some days, I might prearrange with them to make dinner but the default is always that mom or dad will have dinner ready.

Yes, I cook for my teen most nights. And I guess he “expects” it and would be disappointed if I didn’t. He loves my cooking!
Also, my teen works 35 hours a week as a camp counselor, working with rising kindergarteners and 1st graders. He gets home about 6:15, tired, sweaty, starving, and often having been peed, puked, or bled on. He definitely has earned some time to clean himself up, enjoy a little peace, and then eat well. More often than not I’ve been working from home with time after I finish to get a decent meal going that we both will enjoy.

Anonymous wrote:I never cooked a thing until I went to college and I turned out fine as did my family.

Same here.

Anonymous wrote:IMO if they are at home and not working/otherwise busy doing something productive, they can fend for themselves.

Thoughts?

My teen ds disagrees. He’s had a busy schedule of sports practices and camps this summer, but today he mostly laid around and hung out with a friend. I worked all day, paid bills, made doctors appts, walked the dog etc. Why should I also have to make a perfectly able 16 yo a meal?

So transactional.

Are you making dinner for yourself? Yes? Then say "this is what I'm making for dinner. Do you want some? If not, you're on your own."
This is not that hard.

I feel like expect gets used two different ways, and that makes things confusing.

One thing that expect means is that you know there's a pattern and you anticipate it continuing.

I expect my toddler to whine when it's time to go home from the park.

I expect my mother will give me a shirt for my birthday and make a comment about how she picked it because she hopes it will make me look less fat.

In my experience, people notice when things happen repeatedly, and then they expect them. If you've always fed your kid dinner, your kid will expect you to tonight. They will not be surprised if you do. They will be surprised if you don't.

The other meaning of expect is when people deliberately set an expectation. In some ways, this kind of "expect" is the opposite of the other kind because it means you are trying to change. I've told my sons I "expect" them to put the toilet seat down. I have not told my daughters because I have always been able to expect that they would.

In our family, we eat meals together whenever possible, and my kids have come to expect that I am ultimately responsible for meals. That might mean I make them, or I communicate to someone else to make them, or I make them together with a kid as a teaching lesson.

Sometimes, I set a specific "expectation" that my kids will make dinner. I ask them, or we agree that they'll cook on Tuesdays, or they offer.

I'll also add for all of those people saying that their 12 year old cooks, in our house late elementary and middle school is the perfect age for that. My current teenagers cooked regularly in middle school, and my 11 year old cooks one night a week. My teens are capable cooks, but they're also really busy. They help out with a lot of things, but they tend to be things that are more flexible in terms of time than making dinner.

My mom cooked. But starting in 8th grade we took turns making a meal for the family it was fun. So yeah you should still provide food for your teen but nothing wrong with teaching them the skll and assigning it to them or setting out the ingredients and having them get it ready.

And rudeness should never be tolerated or complaining about meals ordering you about like you're their personal attendant

My mom (dad never cooked) quit making meals when I was a junior in high school. I ate cereal for breakfast, Ramen noodles for lunch (I came home for lunch) and scrambled eggs for dinner after I got home from my after school job. The reason was timing since I was working and my family never ever had leftovers since my dad would eat every morsel of food.
We always have leftovers available so I don't forsee this being a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so sorry for all these kids whose parents don’t feed them dinner! OMG.

I feel sorry for all the women who are stuck in traditional roles. I find it shocking among this educated cohort

DP. The PP said “parents,” not “moms.”No one has stated the women have to do all the dinner cooking.

DH cooks dinner 90% of the time that we eat at home. On school days or other early morning sports days or whatever, one of us will usually make a simple breakfast for the kids because they are tired and rushed with early mornings. In the summer or on non-early-sport weekend mornings they handle breakfast themselves. THey started packing their own school lunches in middle school. Summer and weekend lunches vary but we definitely do not make lunch for them every or even most days.

I was unaware parents got the summer off from parenting.

Anonymous wrote:I never cooked a thing until I went to college and I turned out fine as did my family.

Same.

I never cooked a thing until I went to college and I turned out fine as did my family.

Anonymous wrote:They’d love it if I do, but no, I don’t. They get 2 nights a week to figure out dinner for the family and another 2 nights to clean the kitchen. I cover the remaining 3 nights. In reality, because of schedules they usually on do one night a week.

It can be anything from omelettes to rotisserie chicken to a big salad. I don’t care what it is, but I have to know by noon if I need to buy anything. They are 12 and 14.

+1

We slacked this summer bc kid works full time and was taking a difficult class on top of that. But we would usually do some form of the above, and it teaches kids how to cook and how to plan meals.

We have a nanny/chef that prepares meals and if they don't like that, the teen can use their allowance for doordash. 250 every 2 weeks